The Lovely Bones was stupid.

So I tweeted three times in a row about The Lovely Bones.  Read from bottom up.

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  nikiverse The Lovely Bones: Plus I was watching it with my parents and they woudlnt stfu about how they had that wallpaper growing up. less than 20 seconds ago

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  nikiverse The Lovely Bones: If I were dead Id avenge my death, do pottery with Patrick Swayze. Not live in some pothead, Lisa Frank wetdream.1 minute ago

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  nikiverse The Lovely Bones: If I wanted to see What Dreams May Come again, I would shoot myself but thats besides the point. Susan Sarandon was great! 4 minutes ago

Straight copy/paste.  If what I need to inform the Internet involves more than 2.5 tweets, blogging would be a better option.  So here I go.

As the tweets show, I thought Lovely Bones was a bit ridiculous.  I've heard great things about the book ... but the movie makes me wonder if Alice Sebold honestly thinks a 14 year old being murdered and hanging out with other murdered dead girls is the best way to show us the discovery of one's sexuality?  I mean, I guess its "A way".

Which brings me to Peter Jackson.  Didnt he direct Lord of the Rings?  After seeing the movies, I just dont get the BFD about that trilogy.  I mean, yeah, their own language.  Elvish.  Call me normal but I dont get it.

Back to The Lovely Bones.  from imdb.com

Mark Wahlberg replaced Ryan Gosling just days before shooting began. In preparation for the role, Gosling had gained 20 pounds and grew out a beard. However, he vacated the role due to creative differences. Wahlberg, who had just completed shooting The Happening (2008), another production in Pennsylvania, became available just in time to accept Gosling's role.

I wonder what the "creative differences" were?  We all know that Mark Wahlberg used to be a white rapper so I'm sure he ALWAYS has artistic integrity in the forefront of his mind . . . thats probably covered up by a backwards facing ballcap. Oh, I think underneath that wifebeater there's still old Marky Mark underneath - who would sell his soul in a minute to revive the Funky Bunch.  Can you feel the vibration?  Feel it feel it.

Ryan Gosling's abs >> Mark Wahlberg's abs

Sidenote: I did like My Sister's Keeper.  Read the book too!  Cried during both.

Solitary Movie Confinement

Sometimes I go see movies by myself.

Here's what I do. I get to the movie about 5 minutes after it starts. The previews are just finishing up and I dont miss any of the movie. I always tend to go to the movies by myself when its really busy too. I dont know why. This is the good part. I go after everyone has found their spot. I look to find someone else by themselves and I sit next to them. See? It's perfect! Now we're both not alone. So I can pretend like we're good friends. This is best to do when the movie theater is crowded. Because if you sit next to someone when the theater is kind of empty, thats just weird. So I pretend we are silent friends. Laughing in unison but never looking at each other or talking. We'll probably be too tired to talk after the movie and we'll just go our separate ways until next time.

So I watched Knowing and the theater was just packed. I sat down next to this older gentleman who was by himself. He had a hat on. I imagined there was a feather in it too. Maybe he was a journalist or something. Real old school hollering about deadlines. Well, about 2 minutes into the movie, he scoots over a chair. Away from me! Could you imagine? Like I am weird or something. I mean, he's the older scary guy. Jeez. I must remind him of his dead daughter or something like that. It's really the only reason he would have done such a thing.

Back to normal-ish

Dont you love adding the suffix -ish to other words?? I also think its fairly multi-faceted: can add a drastic measure of non-commitment to a statement (I'm ready-ish; just let me get my things together), can replace "I dont mean to be rude but ..." (She's ugly-ish), and sometimes doesnt change the word at all but is just there to provide colour to the thing (Late-ish).

Well, I got back from Dallas and Houston TX. That was FUN times :D I'm planning a trip to Puerto Vallarta next July. We are basically going to camp out in some cabanas with no electricity. Thank god they'll be running water.

Okay let's talk about Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Mormonism links. I dont have the books with me or anything. So this is off memory.
-I see a major one in that Edward pesters Bella to marry him before he'll change her into a vampire. Or boink her.
-Also, Carlisle talks about how he hopes he has a soul even though he's a vampire. And Im pretty sure LDS people think that humans (even if they are cloned or whatnot) have souls. I want to say they think EVERY living thing has a soul ... but I dont know if they believe bacteria and such have souls.
-Also while Bella and Edward are talking in Book 3, Stephenie Meyer italicized eternity in relation to Edward and Bella being together. HMMMMMMMMMM
- This one is far reaching, but I kind of thought of genealogy while Jacob and Billy and Quil were talking about their tribe's history.

My personal future Twilight movie thoughts.
- I wish they would recast Jacob
- I hope they have 3 different directors for the next 3 movies. Why not? I mean, it would be really cool to see their different takes on the book series but yet still have that common theme of Bella and Edward being forever in love.
- Im expecting the special effects of people shifting into werewolves sucking. UGH. I hope they dont have the same CGI studio that did 10,000 BC doing the next movies. Wolves and things with fur look SO CRAPPY on CGI! UGHHHHH. They didnt do a good job in Twilight with Edward's sparkle.
- And I thought Robert Patterson looked cute when he looked like he was pooping when Kristen Stewart sat next to him in Biology.

So there.

PS. Im not done with book 3 so dont tell me what happens suckers.

Hollywood might be out of new ideas but its not like the old ones are that bad.

SPOILER ALERT (if you have never seen a chick flick and dont know how they end, ie, if you're slow).

Made of Honor

Yes, the guy has this best friend who he has never looked at in that way.

Yes, the best friend gets engaged to someone else and the guy all of a sudden really really wants her. (Somehow he stops being a man-whore at will).

Yes, the guy plays basketball with his friends. I mean, "shoots some hoops".

Yes, the groom-to-be is way awesome and the guy only has his personality to sexually combat the groom.

Yes, the guy loses his confidence and decides last minute to not show up at the wedding.

Yes, the guy has a change of heart and has to race to the wedding to get there in time.

Yes, the guy crashes the wedding just in time.

Yes, the guy confesses his love in an awkward "all I have to give is myself" speech.

Yes, the girl runs into the guy's arms and kiss.

Yes, the guy gets punched by the groom.



Oh man, just once, I would LOVE for the guy to not get the girl and be depressed and drink beer and have lots of meaningless sex for the rest of his life. Sigh. But Jack Bauer will defeat the terrorist and the citizen helping him will die and all is right in the world.

Great moments in Netflix reviewing

I dont particularly like writing movie reviews but I find myself doing it anyways. Most of my reviews arent that in depth either. I'm moreso from a middle schooler perspective. Most of my Netflix reviews have more people who find them helpful than not helpful though.

Here are excerpts from two of the less well liked by Netflix ones.

River's Edge

John, this hulking tall kid, kills this girl for making fun of his mom or something. And then he shows his friends and they basically have these very lackluster reactions. No one is scared, no one freaks out, and no one even thinks its incredibly cool. Crispin Glover's character tries to hide the body. The actual murderer John doesnt seem to care if he gets caught or not. He seriously acts like a walking brick. Keanu Reeve's brother in the movie is that annoying little brother from Teen Witch ("A DOG! A DOG! A DOG!"). Crispin Glover is this schizoid freak who just drives around, tries to smoke weed, and hide that girl's body. I didnt feel for any of the characters nor did I care for their plight. I am all for the disaffected youth movies, but this was just annoying and boring to watch.

I still stand by my review. This movie sucked. Crispin Glover was a freakin SPAZ in it. And its not like Willard was that great of a movie either if we're being honest with ourselves.
Anyways, I think my review was helpful. Now 2/7 people should think its helpful. And one of those 2 is me.

The next review is from The Girl Next Door. I think people were turned off by the last part of my review. But the police should take my advice, I know a classy pedophile flick when I see it. And this movie was not it.

The Girl Next Door

I'll start off and say that I liked the sepia overtone look of the film. The beginning scene seemed kind of intriguing. That being said, if you are going to do a movie concerning this subject matter of child abuse/molestation, then you better do it well. Not only was the acting sucky (with exception of the Aunt Ruth), but the character's were extremely flat and one-sided as well. During the last scene, I could hardly understand the actors because they were mumbling. How the cop handled the situation seemed very implausible. It seemed like they tried to shock you (and you should be) but you were shocked solely from the subject matter and not from the way it was brought across the screen. I personally think this movie didnt bring to light the story of child abuse/molestation but used those to show how children could be used in a sexual way. If your husband or a male in your life really likes this movie and watches it a lot at night, do the world a favor and turn in their computer harddrive to the cops.

I wont even start with 10,000 BC. YOU CAN SEE THE CAVEWOMAN'S MASCARA IN THE MOVIE! WHAT CAVEWOMAN WORE MASCARA IN 10,000 BC??!


EDIT: looking back on the member's reviews on Netflix about The Girl Next Door ... WTF? They like it? The acting and the movie SUCKED. Along with the content, the writing sucked, the acting sucked ... *hits head on desk. I think they HAD money to make the movie, they just didnt use it very well.

"This movie is so disturbing I actually threw up." 19/26 people found this helpful? My review is WAY better.

I like this guy though ... "If you've ever thought, "I really enjoyed 'Carrie', but there just wasn't enough ABUSE!", this movie is for you." HAHA!

I know I will never like this movie.

The Love Guru

I cant kid myself. I just know its full of unfunny Adam Sandler types of funny. Just instead of Adam Sandler, you have Mike Meyers doing it.

The New York Times has confirmed my suspicions:

The Love Guru is downright antifunny, an experience that makes you wonder if you will ever laugh again.

Ebert, do you have something to say about this??

What is it with Mike Myers and penis jokes? . . . He supplements this subject with countless other awful moments involving defecation and the deafening passing of gas. Oh, and elephant sex.

I'm all about a good fart joke now and then. But Im sure this movie would run it into the ground. Anyways Ebert, would you like to add anything else?

Myers has made some funny movies, but this film could have been written on toilet walls by callow adolescents.

I'll stick with my horrible 80's movies, thanks.
When life was a simpler time of girl on girl hate and the hot guy driving a camaro and wearing a letter jacket.

Koyaanisqatsi: Life Out of Balance

I watched a pretty decent movie. It's called Koyaanisqatsi: Life Out of Balance.

ITs more of something you would watch at an IMAX or something. As it is just nature scenes or people walking on a sidewalk in fast motion or buildings with clouds reflected on it. And its 88 minutes long with no talking.

But the following is a definition of the word Koyaanisqatsi. And then the second is translation of some of the chants in the soundtrack.

KOYAANISQATSI
ko yaa nis qatsi (from the Hopi language) n. 1. crazy life 2. life in turmoil 3. life out of balance 4. life disintegrating 5. a state of life that calls for another way of living

“If we dig precious things from the land, we will invite disaster.”
“Near the Day of Purification, there will be cobwebs spun back and forth in the sky.”
“A container of ashes might one day be thrown from the sky, which could burn the land and boil the oceans.”


I totally didnt get a koyannisqatsi vibe at all from the movie. Except maybe the last 10 minutes or so. But it showed the skyscrapers in slow mo and with the sun reflecting off of it. And it showed twinkies being made in a factory! I mean, whats so doom and gloom about that? I got more of a hustle and bustle hecticness get back to nature feel from it.

This is all.

dark night

The Dark Knight opened up last night, so now I get to hear about how "awesome" it was from all the people who saw the midnight showing for the next 24 hours. Yayyyy.

But I'm still reeling from Wall-E. Wall-E is the nicest trash compactor robot ever. I'm sure of it. I dont know if Wall-E and Eve were as good of a match as those two robots in Bjork's All is Full of Love video (just glancing at youtube to find that link ... who keeps watching my Lucky Jim book review? WTF? anyways). And I really like movies where even though there is little to no talking, you are still completely engrossed in what's going on (Umm, Castaway is the only moving coming to mind right now). Some people dont like movies with little to no talking. I think it's because they arent comfortable with silence. Maybe some yoga could help them, no?

Totally didnt wake up for 6 am yoga. I fail!

every romantic comedy ever made

Guy and Girl meet
Guy and Girl hate each other
Guy realizes that Girl is the one
Comedic Tension
Girl realizes that Guy is the one
Comedic event that makes Girl hate Guy
Girl goes out with Better Looking Man
Guy (or Guy's closest friend) comes up with a weird scheme to get Girl back
Girl realizes mistake in getting rid of Guy
Girl and Guy live happily ever after

SBZ part of my weekend

So SBZ and I were at her place on Sunday.
YUM! She made fantabulous Strawberry Shortcake.
She says the shortcake part was basically like a sweet biscuit. And I cut up the strawberries. And she asks me to pick out one of the shortcake things she made. And I did. And then she pushes me away and is like "I'll fix the rest." Who likes cooking like that? I guess if you're dedicated to a craft, you're dedicated to a craft. Who am I to argue and get in the way?

So as this deliciousness was settling, I told SBZ about some of church. And then I told her as I was leaving church, I mentioned to these 2 guys in the foyer (ie, hot mess) that we were going to watch an 80s movie about a girl pretending to be a boy. The not hot mess guy goes, "Is Hillary Swank in it?" Ummm, that's a no. I hope he wasnt thinking about Boys Dont Cry. Because A. Not a comedy. B. Not from the 80s. C. See A. I dont think Id watch Boys Dont Cry with SBZ. Nothing like seeing a transgendered Hillary Swank getting raped on a Sunday afternoon with a good friend.
Let's just hope he really meant The Next Karate Kid. (Which is from 1994 btw - thanks imdb.com).

After our food settled, we went to the Chattahoochee and walked two miles. I thought my gray shirt didnt show sweat (which is really surprising because when does gray NOT show sweat?). But after the first mile, the gray didnt disappoint. We saw a hot guy jogging. Real bouncy. When I run, its pretty slow and deliberate. So I want to punch bouncy runners in the face. But I waved to him instead. And then we saw this guy and woman with a golden retriever. And I said something funny but I cant remember anymore. But seriously the dog had a look on his face that was like, "AC, please. I have fur. It's hot." One of those three thoughts was definitely running through his mind. Im a dog whisperer, I know these things. SBZ and I talked about yoga and spin, the deeper points of life. And I sung that Mariah Carey song, "Bye bye". And we talked about old Mariah versus new Mariah. Again, the deeper points of life. We see this other guy who has clearly killed someone. Or will in the future. And we (well, I) start talking about how many calories it takes to kill someone ... depending on the assailant's physical health and the victim's physical health. SBZ thought he heard us (me), but I dont think he did. We're (I'm) still alive arent we (I)?

SBZ also made me listen to Raven Simone. I would be mad at her but our time is short.

Okay so we saw Just One of the Guys. What a typical 80s movie! The clothes. The boob shots in PG-13. The mean dumb jock guy. Rating guys by looks, then by car. It was all there. Some other points of the movie.
- Her name was Terry. What a horrible name. SBZ goes, "Pat?"
- Man Terry pushes Rick's hair off of his ear while they were in the boy's bathroom. I about died!
- Girl Terry crawls up the stairs and her brother is following her. IT was just honestly a weird scene.
- Terry's little brother is such a horndog! His name is Buddy. He reads Penthouses for breakfast and Terry goes out on the balcony in her underwear. Thats how families operated in the 80s I guess.
- Buddy teaches Terry how to adjust man balls.
- The geek boys were really geeky. In gym class, they were both chosen last and kind of had a spaz when they had to split up into separate teams. One of the geeky boys REALLY loves animals. Mainly reptiles.
- Man Terry's reaction when the gym teacher tells her she's on the Skin team ... nice.
- Terry's BFF finds a man at another school's prom because they dont remember her when she was fat.
Anyways, solid 80s movie.

Quotes

Terry: You know, sometimes I just wish I was a guy.
Buddy: No you don't! The male body needs sex at all times! It's a living hell!

Terry: Look, maybe my balls don't itch.
Buddy: All balls itch! It's a fact!

Buddy: Don't get me wrong. It's not like I've never had sex before. I've had lots of sex. It's just that now I'd like to try it with a partner.

Buddy: I’d rather wallow in my virginity…

Terry is such a stallion. Go on Ter, show him your hairy chest.

(These quotes arent copy pasted from a website ... so they probably arent true to the movie.)

[Buddy has Penthouse pictures up on his wall. He's trying to prove to Terry that he's not a jerk]: Kim reads Vonnegut and Lauren cleans up toxic waste. And the only reason Barbara does her physics homework naked is because the library is hot!

You know what this is called ? Male bonding. Just a couple of guys in the mens' room. talking.

more american gangster

"hey hey hey hey! dont rub on that! you blot that! ya understand? thats alpaca! thats $25,000 alpaca. you blot that shiat. you dont rub it. put the club soda on there."

I think that should definitely be a memorable quote.

randomosity

- i left the keys in the door for the second day in the row. this morning tim wakes me up and says, "hey i put your keys on the kitchen table. they were in the door." and then he was all smart ass and said that we didnt get robbed or anything.

- i walked zoey on the bike ... she tries to be the pack leader but cant when i ride the bike. 2 wheels are just faster than 4 legs.

- i'm watching american gangster. a few things:
some of the movie, denzel washington isnt even in america. he's in thailand. and then denzel doesnt play a good drug lord. like russell crowe and denzel should switch roles (except for that whole part where russell crowe is doing the lawyer-she says "eff me like a cop, dont eff me like a lawyer"-yeah, denzel washington doing that one scene? not so much). i'm sure there's a lot more deeper stuff to say about the drug war, good cop/bad cop, commercialization, community, etc. but yeah.

- i helped someone start up their car. they called me and i totally had no jumper cables. so i asked the mexicans across the street for (OKAY WOW DENZEL JUST SHOT SOMEONE IN THE HEAD!) some and he gave me one. the black lady next door was a little too old and i dont even think she knew what a car was. so i went to my friend, the victim of the not working battery, and she told me to turn OFF my working car while we attached them. and i thought you were supposed to keep the cars ON. so i call mick. and he talks us through the process. we hooked the plus up first (thats red for all you not in the know). and then my friend's jumper cable didnt have plastic on the part where you put your hands to squeeze the jumper cables. so we had 18 bazillion reassurances that it wouldnt eloctrocute us. and we touched the metal that was exposed on the jumper cables really fast to make the inevitable shock we were expecting quick and painless. thank god, no shocks. so we started up her car! 2 women of the 2000s! the worst part though had to be taking the unexposed jumper cable off ... bc it was charged up and all connected to the cars that were running. but we unhooked all the other 3 jumpers and got the guts to take the one without the rubber protective coating on the handle off. all while both cars were still running. we threw the jumpers on the grass so they could "ground" themselves. the person i had helped was a yoga buddy, so its not surprising that we felt the jumper cables had to ground themselves. okay i talked far too long about that.

(ooh denzel just said "the loudest one in the room is the weakest one in the room" bc he saw this snazzy dressed guy that is wearing pleather at a party. go denzel with your bad self.)

movies

I wrote this in the LDS group so if you read my post in that one thread about movies, then you've already read this and you can just stop right now. But sometimes I write gloriousness in the Mormon group and it just needs to be documented in my blog.

Here are the movies I want to see coming out.

JUNE
Kung Fu Panda
Get Smart

Do not want: M Night Shamalyans The Happening


JULY
The Dark Knight
Hancock
Hellboy II (I KNOW IM LAME STFU)
Step Brothers

Do not want: Meet Dave (Eddie Murphy, nuff said), Mamma Mia, The X Files: I Want to Believe