I heard Zoey scratching on my door but it was 3 am or something and I was like "girlfriend can wait!"
Apparently, I was wrong. She couldnt wait. There's nothing like smelling dog crap where ever you walk in the morning. And at first, I couldnt find it! Zoey is a big dog and the smell was everywhere. How could I not find the origin of the odor??!!
Well I found it. Thankfully (and i mean that in the most relative way ever) it was on hardwood floor. I got like 4 good handfuls of the "nuggets" before I even got to the wet stuff (a reason why I personally dont feed dogs wet dog food but whatever).
Finally I got the grabbable stuff up and then was left with what was smeared into the floor. And some of the hardwood floor doesnt meet perfectly creating cracks. And so I had to get a butter knife and scrape it all out. The smell was still horrible. Im thinking the bulk of the dog crap is put away so therefore the smell should be diminished. But apparently bad odor just exists and isnt based on mass of the crap it came from.
To make a 30 minute gag inducing story short ... thanks to Comet, that butterknife and a strong stomach, the house is free of any [seeable] dog poop. And [smellable] dog poop smell.
GOOOOO NIKI! WE'RE NUMBER ONE WE'RE NUMBER ONE!
So thats my adventures in dog sitting story.
PS. I was not mad at Zoey at all. Shes a very good dog and this was just an accident. I felt bad for her because diarrhea can be a bad thing for a dog to go through.
I mean, thats what I've read ...
June 11, 2008
June 9, 2008
if i told you once i told you a thousand times
i tell the guys in the lab this all the time. over and over again. broken record and all that.
i say: dont clean glass in the sink when there's other glass in the sink.
and what do they do? clean glass when there's glass in the sink.
i cant begin to describe how much glassware they've broken while cleaning beakers when there's glass already in the sink. beakers just need to ding another beaker and they're cracked and useless.
and the 4l beaker that was broken today ... its like 40 bucks from fisher.
i say: dont clean glass in the sink when there's other glass in the sink.
and what do they do? clean glass when there's glass in the sink.
i cant begin to describe how much glassware they've broken while cleaning beakers when there's glass already in the sink. beakers just need to ding another beaker and they're cracked and useless.
and the 4l beaker that was broken today ... its like 40 bucks from fisher.
dogs are stupid - i mean - cute.
Excerpts from a Dog's Diary:
6:00 am - At last! I go pee! My favorite thing!
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
6:00 pm - They're home! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched tv with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary:
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
6:00 am - At last! I go pee! My favorite thing!
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
6:00 pm - They're home! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched tv with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary:
Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.
In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
SBZ part of my weekend
So SBZ and I were at her place on Sunday.
YUM! She made fantabulous Strawberry Shortcake.
She says the shortcake part was basically like a sweet biscuit. And I cut up the strawberries. And she asks me to pick out one of the shortcake things she made. And I did. And then she pushes me away and is like "I'll fix the rest." Who likes cooking like that? I guess if you're dedicated to a craft, you're dedicated to a craft. Who am I to argue and get in the way?
So as this deliciousness was settling, I told SBZ about some of church. And then I told her as I was leaving church, I mentioned to these 2 guys in the foyer (ie, hot mess) that we were going to watch an 80s movie about a girl pretending to be a boy. The not hot mess guy goes, "Is Hillary Swank in it?" Ummm, that's a no. I hope he wasnt thinking about Boys Dont Cry. Because A. Not a comedy. B. Not from the 80s. C. See A. I dont think Id watch Boys Dont Cry with SBZ. Nothing like seeing a transgendered Hillary Swank getting raped on a Sunday afternoon with a good friend.
Let's just hope he really meant The Next Karate Kid. (Which is from 1994 btw - thanks imdb.com).
After our food settled, we went to the Chattahoochee and walked two miles. I thought my gray shirt didnt show sweat (which is really surprising because when does gray NOT show sweat?). But after the first mile, the gray didnt disappoint. We saw a hot guy jogging. Real bouncy. When I run, its pretty slow and deliberate. So I want to punch bouncy runners in the face. But I waved to him instead. And then we saw this guy and woman with a golden retriever. And I said something funny but I cant remember anymore. But seriously the dog had a look on his face that was like, "AC, please. I have fur. It's hot." One of those three thoughts was definitely running through his mind. Im a dog whisperer, I know these things. SBZ and I talked about yoga and spin, the deeper points of life. And I sung that Mariah Carey song, "Bye bye". And we talked about old Mariah versus new Mariah. Again, the deeper points of life. We see this other guy who has clearly killed someone. Or will in the future. And we (well, I) start talking about how many calories it takes to kill someone ... depending on the assailant's physical health and the victim's physical health. SBZ thought he heard us (me), but I dont think he did. We're (I'm) still alive arent we (I)?
SBZ also made me listen to Raven Simone. I would be mad at her but our time is short.
Okay so we saw Just One of the Guys. What a typical 80s movie! The clothes. The boob shots in PG-13. The mean dumb jock guy. Rating guys by looks, then by car. It was all there. Some other points of the movie.
- Her name was Terry. What a horrible name. SBZ goes, "Pat?"
- Man Terry pushes Rick's hair off of his ear while they were in the boy's bathroom. I about died!
- Girl Terry crawls up the stairs and her brother is following her. IT was just honestly a weird scene.
- Terry's little brother is such a horndog! His name is Buddy. He reads Penthouses for breakfast and Terry goes out on the balcony in her underwear. Thats how families operated in the 80s I guess.
- Buddy teaches Terry how to adjust man balls.
- The geek boys were really geeky. In gym class, they were both chosen last and kind of had a spaz when they had to split up into separate teams. One of the geeky boys REALLY loves animals. Mainly reptiles.
- Man Terry's reaction when the gym teacher tells her she's on the Skin team ... nice.
- Terry's BFF finds a man at another school's prom because they dont remember her when she was fat.
Anyways, solid 80s movie.
Quotes
Terry: You know, sometimes I just wish I was a guy.
Buddy: No you don't! The male body needs sex at all times! It's a living hell!
Terry: Look, maybe my balls don't itch.
Buddy: All balls itch! It's a fact!
Buddy: Don't get me wrong. It's not like I've never had sex before. I've had lots of sex. It's just that now I'd like to try it with a partner.
Buddy: I’d rather wallow in my virginity…
Terry is such a stallion. Go on Ter, show him your hairy chest.
(These quotes arent copy pasted from a website ... so they probably arent true to the movie.)
[Buddy has Penthouse pictures up on his wall. He's trying to prove to Terry that he's not a jerk]: Kim reads Vonnegut and Lauren cleans up toxic waste. And the only reason Barbara does her physics homework naked is because the library is hot!
You know what this is called ? Male bonding. Just a couple of guys in the mens' room. talking.
YUM! She made fantabulous Strawberry Shortcake.
She says the shortcake part was basically like a sweet biscuit. And I cut up the strawberries. And she asks me to pick out one of the shortcake things she made. And I did. And then she pushes me away and is like "I'll fix the rest." Who likes cooking like that? I guess if you're dedicated to a craft, you're dedicated to a craft. Who am I to argue and get in the way?
So as this deliciousness was settling, I told SBZ about some of church. And then I told her as I was leaving church, I mentioned to these 2 guys in the foyer (ie, hot mess) that we were going to watch an 80s movie about a girl pretending to be a boy. The not hot mess guy goes, "Is Hillary Swank in it?" Ummm, that's a no. I hope he wasnt thinking about Boys Dont Cry. Because A. Not a comedy. B. Not from the 80s. C. See A. I dont think Id watch Boys Dont Cry with SBZ. Nothing like seeing a transgendered Hillary Swank getting raped on a Sunday afternoon with a good friend.
Let's just hope he really meant The Next Karate Kid. (Which is from 1994 btw - thanks imdb.com).
After our food settled, we went to the Chattahoochee and walked two miles. I thought my gray shirt didnt show sweat (which is really surprising because when does gray NOT show sweat?). But after the first mile, the gray didnt disappoint. We saw a hot guy jogging. Real bouncy. When I run, its pretty slow and deliberate. So I want to punch bouncy runners in the face. But I waved to him instead. And then we saw this guy and woman with a golden retriever. And I said something funny but I cant remember anymore. But seriously the dog had a look on his face that was like, "AC, please. I have fur. It's hot." One of those three thoughts was definitely running through his mind. Im a dog whisperer, I know these things. SBZ and I talked about yoga and spin, the deeper points of life. And I sung that Mariah Carey song, "Bye bye". And we talked about old Mariah versus new Mariah. Again, the deeper points of life. We see this other guy who has clearly killed someone. Or will in the future. And we (well, I) start talking about how many calories it takes to kill someone ... depending on the assailant's physical health and the victim's physical health. SBZ thought he heard us (me), but I dont think he did. We're (I'm) still alive arent we (I)?
SBZ also made me listen to Raven Simone. I would be mad at her but our time is short.
Okay so we saw Just One of the Guys. What a typical 80s movie! The clothes. The boob shots in PG-13. The mean dumb jock guy. Rating guys by looks, then by car. It was all there. Some other points of the movie.
- Her name was Terry. What a horrible name. SBZ goes, "Pat?"
- Man Terry pushes Rick's hair off of his ear while they were in the boy's bathroom. I about died!
- Girl Terry crawls up the stairs and her brother is following her. IT was just honestly a weird scene.
- Terry's little brother is such a horndog! His name is Buddy. He reads Penthouses for breakfast and Terry goes out on the balcony in her underwear. Thats how families operated in the 80s I guess.
- Buddy teaches Terry how to adjust man balls.
- The geek boys were really geeky. In gym class, they were both chosen last and kind of had a spaz when they had to split up into separate teams. One of the geeky boys REALLY loves animals. Mainly reptiles.
- Man Terry's reaction when the gym teacher tells her she's on the Skin team ... nice.
- Terry's BFF finds a man at another school's prom because they dont remember her when she was fat.
Anyways, solid 80s movie.
Quotes
Terry: You know, sometimes I just wish I was a guy.
Buddy: No you don't! The male body needs sex at all times! It's a living hell!
Terry: Look, maybe my balls don't itch.
Buddy: All balls itch! It's a fact!
Buddy: Don't get me wrong. It's not like I've never had sex before. I've had lots of sex. It's just that now I'd like to try it with a partner.
Buddy: I’d rather wallow in my virginity…
Terry is such a stallion. Go on Ter, show him your hairy chest.
(These quotes arent copy pasted from a website ... so they probably arent true to the movie.)
[Buddy has Penthouse pictures up on his wall. He's trying to prove to Terry that he's not a jerk]: Kim reads Vonnegut and Lauren cleans up toxic waste. And the only reason Barbara does her physics homework naked is because the library is hot!
You know what this is called ? Male bonding. Just a couple of guys in the mens' room. talking.
Church part of my weekend.
Saturday
I went to the YSA conference. LAME. Except for a few parts. And one really awesome part. Oh. Don comes up to me and says "I have something for you." And I'm thinking he's going to give me something like flowers or Apples to Apples but NO. He opens up his trunk and gives me 3 plastic grocery bags full of glass bottles. Ragu sauce and stuff. What I've always wanted. I make one comment about recycling glass around him and now I'm known as the dumpster lady. In all honesty, I was really glad that he brought the glass for me to recycle for him. He's a surprising guy. Sometimes. He still has the tact of a Caterpillar Tractor at times (worst analogy ever). He danced with this Asian girl that had graduated college and he told me he was about to tell her that Asians tend to age well because she looked a lot younger than that. . . .
I also got kinda bored at the testimony meeting and I wanted to get gas sooner rather than later ... so I left the testimony meeting. I went to WalMart and just bought Apples to Apples for myself. I dont know when I'm going to be around more than 3 or 4 people to play it, but I'll have the game with me just in case now. All is well.
I saw Stone Mountain behind the WalMart and I kinda wanted to drop by but I didnt because I was by myself and Stone Mountain isnt really a by yourself type of place.
I knew that the new Hindu Mandir was closeby. So I tried to use my VZ Navigator to find it. The new Mandir is the largest in the USA and really beautiful, ornate, and marble-y. I was hoping it was open till about 9 so I could take my shoes off and drop inside for a bit. But my VZ Navigator took me somewhere that wasnt it. I ended up at this Hindu Temple that looked like the edge of a clown drum - red and yellow triangles painted on the sides. It was pretty tacky. Might be beautiful to the Hindus though. I should have searched for a Publix that was closeby. Since I remember the Publix right next to the Mandir that I wanted to go to. . . .
(I just got off the phone with my mom. I told her I went to the YSA Conference and she goes, "[in a southern accent] What? You went to the gay concert?")
Some of the guys I talked to were just insufferably, uh whats the right word?, dense? I seriously have a better time talking to myself in a mirror. Lets just hope they were nervous or maybe 13 years old that snuck into the dance.
But not all the guys were like that. I'm mainly thinking of the Clay Aiken look alike (the one that held my hand really weird and had his other hand up my armpit while we were dancing ... that one.)
Sunday
So I went to church ready to learn about Jesus. And, UHHHH!, I could hardly focus because of this hot mess of a man sitting front right of me. GEEZ. What is a girl supposed to do?
Oh, and I found out TWO MORE AWESOME PEOPLE ARE MOVING TO TX!! What is up with this MADNESS? :( Boo. Boo on TX and it's Galveston beaches.
The third speaker in church (dont remember his name) seemed not to be saying much but I felt his message. For some reason I almost teared up while he was talking. But I always do that. I am surprised when I dont bust out crying during the National Anthem sometimes.
I also talked to this girl at church named Katie. I am 90% sure she's some kind of deaf. Most of this validation came from the fact when I whispered and told her "I'll be right back" and she points to her ear and says, "I cant hear." So Im pretty sure I'm right.
I went to the YSA conference. LAME. Except for a few parts. And one really awesome part. Oh. Don comes up to me and says "I have something for you." And I'm thinking he's going to give me something like flowers or Apples to Apples but NO. He opens up his trunk and gives me 3 plastic grocery bags full of glass bottles. Ragu sauce and stuff. What I've always wanted. I make one comment about recycling glass around him and now I'm known as the dumpster lady. In all honesty, I was really glad that he brought the glass for me to recycle for him. He's a surprising guy. Sometimes. He still has the tact of a Caterpillar Tractor at times (worst analogy ever). He danced with this Asian girl that had graduated college and he told me he was about to tell her that Asians tend to age well because she looked a lot younger than that. . . .
I also got kinda bored at the testimony meeting and I wanted to get gas sooner rather than later ... so I left the testimony meeting. I went to WalMart and just bought Apples to Apples for myself. I dont know when I'm going to be around more than 3 or 4 people to play it, but I'll have the game with me just in case now. All is well.
I saw Stone Mountain behind the WalMart and I kinda wanted to drop by but I didnt because I was by myself and Stone Mountain isnt really a by yourself type of place.
I knew that the new Hindu Mandir was closeby. So I tried to use my VZ Navigator to find it. The new Mandir is the largest in the USA and really beautiful, ornate, and marble-y. I was hoping it was open till about 9 so I could take my shoes off and drop inside for a bit. But my VZ Navigator took me somewhere that wasnt it. I ended up at this Hindu Temple that looked like the edge of a clown drum - red and yellow triangles painted on the sides. It was pretty tacky. Might be beautiful to the Hindus though. I should have searched for a Publix that was closeby. Since I remember the Publix right next to the Mandir that I wanted to go to. . . .
(I just got off the phone with my mom. I told her I went to the YSA Conference and she goes, "[in a southern accent] What? You went to the gay concert?")
Some of the guys I talked to were just insufferably, uh whats the right word?, dense? I seriously have a better time talking to myself in a mirror. Lets just hope they were nervous or maybe 13 years old that snuck into the dance.
But not all the guys were like that. I'm mainly thinking of the Clay Aiken look alike (the one that held my hand really weird and had his other hand up my armpit while we were dancing ... that one.)
Sunday
So I went to church ready to learn about Jesus. And, UHHHH!, I could hardly focus because of this hot mess of a man sitting front right of me. GEEZ. What is a girl supposed to do?
Oh, and I found out TWO MORE AWESOME PEOPLE ARE MOVING TO TX!! What is up with this MADNESS? :( Boo. Boo on TX and it's Galveston beaches.
The third speaker in church (dont remember his name) seemed not to be saying much but I felt his message. For some reason I almost teared up while he was talking. But I always do that. I am surprised when I dont bust out crying during the National Anthem sometimes.
I also talked to this girl at church named Katie. I am 90% sure she's some kind of deaf. Most of this validation came from the fact when I whispered and told her "I'll be right back" and she points to her ear and says, "I cant hear." So Im pretty sure I'm right.
June 6, 2008
AWWWW!!
This guy at work (who I kinda didnt want to talk to so I pretended to be busy) was like "whatcha up to this weekend?"
and I was like "nothing just going to be poor." (which is kinda true ... but not as bad as i made it seemed).
And he walks off.
A few minutes later he comes back and throws $40 on my desk. and he has less money than me it seems (or he's just as bad at handling it or something).
i tried to give it back to him bc i dont think i will need it.
and i kinda teared up because it was so nice of him.
im just like emotional or something because im trying to be a better person and i know i will lose all of my friends (or they'll make fun of me or ridicule me for attending church - im already hearing how "stupid" i am for going from one of them). and it hurts my feelings. i dont do that to them with their decisions. why to me? and then sbz is going to be moving to tx. im going to be friendless and alone and its going to suck.
see? im getting teary eyed again.
im a fragile soul.
and I was like "nothing just going to be poor." (which is kinda true ... but not as bad as i made it seemed).
And he walks off.
A few minutes later he comes back and throws $40 on my desk. and he has less money than me it seems (or he's just as bad at handling it or something).
i tried to give it back to him bc i dont think i will need it.
and i kinda teared up because it was so nice of him.
im just like emotional or something because im trying to be a better person and i know i will lose all of my friends (or they'll make fun of me or ridicule me for attending church - im already hearing how "stupid" i am for going from one of them). and it hurts my feelings. i dont do that to them with their decisions. why to me? and then sbz is going to be moving to tx. im going to be friendless and alone and its going to suck.
see? im getting teary eyed again.
im a fragile soul.
YSA Conference?
Okay I havent been to a church dance in a really long time. So Amy wanted to go to the YSA Conference and I will definitely go with her. And now I cant get a hold of her and dont really have any plans tonight .... DO I GO? I dont know ANYONE. I mean, of course I know people. But I dont KNOW anyone. I need someone to talk to during the times when people are talking to the other people they know. JEEZ. Im not really a wall flower dont make me one now LIFE. Ugh, Im preliminarily freaking out. This is so unnecessary.
I havent SSLLLLLOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW danced in forever. Since my last church dance. (well, Ive certainly danced with guys but not in the church dance way). ANd I remember the last times not really getting asked to dance too much (I think my hair scared them off ... or maybe it was the folded arms and scowl? who knows with men they are so fickle). I've gained weight. Are they going to notice? Like through my shirt? Better wear my sweatshirt ... y'know. The thick dark blue one. In the dark, no one will be able to see me.
I wish it was all classes and no socializing. That would be fun. Kind of like school. Or institute. But without that time after Institute where you make plans to go eat hot dogs and whatnot. Man, socializing isnt like subbing. If no one volunteered, I just called on their name and made them do it. If you want to "pass out papers" in the real world of socializing, you need to move out of slow lane and do it yourself (worst analogy ever).
Maybe I should go to the mall and buy two new shirts to ease my nerves.
Yes.
I'm feeling better already.
Wait, no seriously. Do I just stand there by myself if no one is talking to me? Is that what you do? I've never been in the position where I dont know anyone that much at a church dance. shopping. shopping shopping will make it all go away.
I havent SSLLLLLOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW danced in forever. Since my last church dance. (well, Ive certainly danced with guys but not in the church dance way). ANd I remember the last times not really getting asked to dance too much (I think my hair scared them off ... or maybe it was the folded arms and scowl? who knows with men they are so fickle). I've gained weight. Are they going to notice? Like through my shirt? Better wear my sweatshirt ... y'know. The thick dark blue one. In the dark, no one will be able to see me.
I wish it was all classes and no socializing. That would be fun. Kind of like school. Or institute. But without that time after Institute where you make plans to go eat hot dogs and whatnot. Man, socializing isnt like subbing. If no one volunteered, I just called on their name and made them do it. If you want to "pass out papers" in the real world of socializing, you need to move out of slow lane and do it yourself (worst analogy ever).
Maybe I should go to the mall and buy two new shirts to ease my nerves.
Yes.
I'm feeling better already.
Wait, no seriously. Do I just stand there by myself if no one is talking to me? Is that what you do? I've never been in the position where I dont know anyone that much at a church dance. shopping. shopping shopping will make it all go away.
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