EVIAN spelled backwards is NAIVE.
Drink tap water you scaredies.
June 17, 2008
Excerpt: "Chapter: Penelope" by James Joyce, from Ulysses.
"Molly's soliloquy ends, "O and the sea the sea crimson sometimes like fire and the glorious sunsets and the figtrees in the Alameda gardens yes and all the queer little streets and pink and blue and yellow houses and the rosegardens and the jessamine and geraniums and cactuses and Gibralter as a girl where I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he kissed me under the Morrish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes."
I, like Sharon, really like run on sentences. That part at the end ... with all the "yes"ses and the "and"s and its lack of punctuation makes me yes
June 16, 2008
Lucky Jim
Not only is the 1st paragraph of Ch. 6 the best description of a hangover I've ever read ...
"His mouth had been used as a latrine by some small creature of the night, and then as its mausoleum."
But I read this today too.
"All the same, what messes these women got themselves into over nothing. Men got themselves into messes too, and ones that weren't so easily got out of, but their messes arose from attempts to satisfy real and simple needs."
Dont particularly agree with that 100% (the first half, yes; the second half, not so much) but still was funny to read because the first part is SO TRUE SOMETIMES.
You couldnt believe some of the problems I've dreamt up in my head that didnt really exist.
"His mouth had been used as a latrine by some small creature of the night, and then as its mausoleum."
But I read this today too.
"All the same, what messes these women got themselves into over nothing. Men got themselves into messes too, and ones that weren't so easily got out of, but their messes arose from attempts to satisfy real and simple needs."
Dont particularly agree with that 100% (the first half, yes; the second half, not so much) but still was funny to read because the first part is SO TRUE SOMETIMES.
You couldnt believe some of the problems I've dreamt up in my head that didnt really exist.
June 13, 2008
funny stuff from tv
Okay Im so lame, Im blogging about funny and/or relevant stuff I heard on tv.
So.
LAST COMIC STANDING
I heard two yoga jokes so I HAD to make note.
Stretching to rap music. Its called Yo Yo Yoga.
Seth would like that I bet. Me, not so much. Okay, I'll give it an "eh".
This other comedian said how yoga was an entire hour of holding in a fart. That was funny. I've never farted during yoga though. Because I'm a delicate flower and I do not participate in such nonsense as farting. Especially during something as ancient and sacred as yoga.
CONAN O BRIAN
So during his monologue Conan says something like this: In California, a female figure skater told police someone slipped a roofie in her drink. She said she's not sure who did it, but she was sure it wasnt a male figure skater.
Okay I cracked up laughing.
But Conan's audience was silent. And then Conan starts laughing and says, "That did so badly, it amused me." And he says something about how after that joke was said, a quiet permeated the room that you cant get in deep space.
male figure skaters = gay. I got it Conan.
TV - good times.
[insert my typical tv disclaimer: i love tv but i dont spend my days wasting away in front of it. i watch less than 1 hour of tv a night. for sure, son.]
So.
LAST COMIC STANDING
I heard two yoga jokes so I HAD to make note.
Stretching to rap music. Its called Yo Yo Yoga.
Seth would like that I bet. Me, not so much. Okay, I'll give it an "eh".
This other comedian said how yoga was an entire hour of holding in a fart. That was funny. I've never farted during yoga though. Because I'm a delicate flower and I do not participate in such nonsense as farting. Especially during something as ancient and sacred as yoga.
CONAN O BRIAN
So during his monologue Conan says something like this: In California, a female figure skater told police someone slipped a roofie in her drink. She said she's not sure who did it, but she was sure it wasnt a male figure skater.
Okay I cracked up laughing.
But Conan's audience was silent. And then Conan starts laughing and says, "That did so badly, it amused me." And he says something about how after that joke was said, a quiet permeated the room that you cant get in deep space.
male figure skaters = gay. I got it Conan.
TV - good times.
[insert my typical tv disclaimer: i love tv but i dont spend my days wasting away in front of it. i watch less than 1 hour of tv a night. for sure, son.]
June 12, 2008
but .. but ... you guys shared cookies.
I hope this isnt tacky. The fact that I wrote that previous sentence tells me that, in fact, yes this will be tacky.
Anyways, this LDS couple that I dont really know broke up.
Im just a little surprised because
A. they made a cute couple Yes it deserves its own letter.
B. I saw the male hug and swing the girl around in a circle. Straight up The Notebook style, youknowwhutImsayin. If a bitter person saw that they would have had no problem rolling their eyes and saying, "COME ON. GIVE ME A BREAK."
C. I SAW THEM EAT COOKIES TOGETHER
ITs completely strange for me to see two completely normal looking LDS folks date for awhile and not automatically get hitched. It's just weird.
Im used to seeing the first serious boyfriend becoming someone's eternal companion.
So I kinda admire them for knowing what they want. Or dont want.
And, on the other hand, Sharon and I gmailed today about how its okay to "settle" (in the way THIS article means to settle). I would go more into this but I dont want to get too technical and backtrack everything Im saying. Suffice to say, I just hope that they didnt throw away something really special over something real petty.
I have just seen far too many divorces from LDS people (sealed in the temple, btw) who married for the sake of getting married in their teens and not make it to their 5 year anniversary. Without even trying, I can think of five couples that didnt make it, temple marriage and all. It seems like most of them, a partner just simply wasnt happy. No money or cheating or "fell out of love" issues. Just both partners werent giving it their all.
Dont mean to brag but I honestly think I can go the distance with a willing participant (male human, preferably).
I'm loyal like a freakin dog. When Im in a relationship, Im not even tempted to resolve things through "giving up" or check out other guys. But, I do date up. Which automatically means the guy has the short end of the schtick.
But for real yo. Even with my friends - they are mainly ones I met in middle school. I still hang out with friends that have babies and husbands. I CARE I CANT HELP IT!
Once we're tight I'll never let you go. [insert psycho music]
Anyways, this LDS couple that I dont really know broke up.
Im just a little surprised because
A. they made a cute couple Yes it deserves its own letter.
B. I saw the male hug and swing the girl around in a circle. Straight up The Notebook style, youknowwhutImsayin. If a bitter person saw that they would have had no problem rolling their eyes and saying, "COME ON. GIVE ME A BREAK."
C. I SAW THEM EAT COOKIES TOGETHER
ITs completely strange for me to see two completely normal looking LDS folks date for awhile and not automatically get hitched. It's just weird.
Im used to seeing the first serious boyfriend becoming someone's eternal companion.
So I kinda admire them for knowing what they want. Or dont want.
And, on the other hand, Sharon and I gmailed today about how its okay to "settle" (in the way THIS article means to settle). I would go more into this but I dont want to get too technical and backtrack everything Im saying. Suffice to say, I just hope that they didnt throw away something really special over something real petty.
I have just seen far too many divorces from LDS people (sealed in the temple, btw) who married for the sake of getting married in their teens and not make it to their 5 year anniversary. Without even trying, I can think of five couples that didnt make it, temple marriage and all. It seems like most of them, a partner just simply wasnt happy. No money or cheating or "fell out of love" issues. Just both partners werent giving it their all.
Dont mean to brag but I honestly think I can go the distance with a willing participant (male human, preferably).
I'm loyal like a freakin dog. When Im in a relationship, Im not even tempted to resolve things through "giving up" or check out other guys. But, I do date up. Which automatically means the guy has the short end of the schtick.
But for real yo. Even with my friends - they are mainly ones I met in middle school. I still hang out with friends that have babies and husbands. I CARE I CANT HELP IT!
Once we're tight I'll never let you go. [insert psycho music]
June 11, 2008
Foot in mouth disease. Still there.
Have you ever worked out and gotten sore from things you shouldnt have gotten sore at because it's been awhile since you've been to the gym? Yeah, me neither.
I honestly think my arms werent meant to do chattarungas.
Foot in mouth moment: So today we went out to eat with Virginia, Dennis, Chip, Lucas, and me. We were talking about Virginia's baby name and its going to be Lila. EXCELLENT choice. 4 letters. 2 syllables. A good efficient name right?
So then we talk about how certain names tend to belong to really horrible people. Like most Brooke's are fat (except, like, one). And few supermodels are named Helga ...
So I go, "AMANDAs! Ugh, like most are so annoying." (and I was thinking about these two blond girls that were kind of slutty in high school). But I TOTALLY forgot that Lucas's sister is named Amanda! I did not mean her at all.
So then Virginia recounts a story from past Halloween. I had totally forgot about this. But we were at Addie's house and her friend was dressed up as a witch. And her "costume" consisted of a Dollar General witch's hat and some high school graduation stoal. And I say, "Oh, thats so inventive. If I was ever low on money I could steal your idea." Right after it popped out of my mouth I was in okay-we-gotta-go-now mode. I apologized but since she didnt really know me, I dont think it came across that sincere.
And apparently I had told Chip he was going to hell for smoking cigarettes and being gay. Which, I highly doubt I did. He must be making stuff up.
I honestly think my arms werent meant to do chattarungas.
Foot in mouth moment: So today we went out to eat with Virginia, Dennis, Chip, Lucas, and me. We were talking about Virginia's baby name and its going to be Lila. EXCELLENT choice. 4 letters. 2 syllables. A good efficient name right?
So then we talk about how certain names tend to belong to really horrible people. Like most Brooke's are fat (except, like, one). And few supermodels are named Helga ...
So I go, "AMANDAs! Ugh, like most are so annoying." (and I was thinking about these two blond girls that were kind of slutty in high school). But I TOTALLY forgot that Lucas's sister is named Amanda! I did not mean her at all.
So then Virginia recounts a story from past Halloween. I had totally forgot about this. But we were at Addie's house and her friend was dressed up as a witch. And her "costume" consisted of a Dollar General witch's hat and some high school graduation stoal. And I say, "Oh, thats so inventive. If I was ever low on money I could steal your idea." Right after it popped out of my mouth I was in okay-we-gotta-go-now mode. I apologized but since she didnt really know me, I dont think it came across that sincere.
And apparently I had told Chip he was going to hell for smoking cigarettes and being gay. Which, I highly doubt I did. He must be making stuff up.
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