why I like alias - if I was in middle school

I really like Alias. Sydney Bristow is really troubled. But sometimes she wears cool costumes. She pretends to be a smart librarian, dumb gambler's wife, or a prostitute. Sydney cries a lot for a super spy. Her windmill kick is supreme.

Arvin Sloane is really smart. He probably has read War and Peace like five times he's so smart. His wife died and that was sad. Sydney does not like him but I would probably forgive him. Sydney needs to let the past go. It's not Arvin's fault he killed Sydney's fiancee and lied to her about working for the CIA. Jeez. Just let some things go Sydney and you might be happier.

Jack Bristow is Sydney's dad. He is always cool under pressure and a great liar. I think he has flapper hair from the 1920's because he looks like he has a finger wave on the right side.



I like Marshall, the computer nerd Tech guy. He always says tacky things but in an innocent way. People in the CIA/SD-6 say, "Marshall ...." and he knows to get to the point because he tends to ramble. I have a personal liking for Marshall because he resembles Peter Dinklage my favorite midget.

Marshall


My favorite midget - Peter D.

funny stuff from tv

Okay Im so lame, Im blogging about funny and/or relevant stuff I heard on tv.

So.

LAST COMIC STANDING
I heard two yoga jokes so I HAD to make note.

Stretching to rap music. Its called Yo Yo Yoga.
Seth would like that I bet. Me, not so much. Okay, I'll give it an "eh".

This other comedian said how yoga was an entire hour of holding in a fart. That was funny. I've never farted during yoga though. Because I'm a delicate flower and I do not participate in such nonsense as farting. Especially during something as ancient and sacred as yoga.

CONAN O BRIAN

So during his monologue Conan says something like this: In California, a female figure skater told police someone slipped a roofie in her drink. She said she's not sure who did it, but she was sure it wasnt a male figure skater.

Okay I cracked up laughing.

But Conan's audience was silent. And then Conan starts laughing and says, "That did so badly, it amused me." And he says something about how after that joke was said, a quiet permeated the room that you cant get in deep space.
male figure skaters = gay. I got it Conan.

TV - good times.
[insert my typical tv disclaimer: i love tv but i dont spend my days wasting away in front of it. i watch less than 1 hour of tv a night. for sure, son.]

Some hot tips from Groomer Has It

Do not feed your pet the following: chocolate, garlic, onions, nuts, avocado, artificial sweeteners. (I dont get the nut stuff ... because in one of the challenges a groomer got to use peanuts for their dog treat ....?).

Sequins and rhinestones from doggy costumes can be choking hazards.

Never cut a cat whiskers. The whiskers are a cat's sense of touch and balance and assist cats in walking through narrow spaces. (I cut Betsy's whiskers once. Probably why she never jumped on tables or countertops).

Things I learned from Chelsea Handler

Okay so Chelsea Handler had me cracking up laughing.
Here's some of the goods.

Paris Hilton
(No shock here)
Paris Hilton wrote in her blog: I am so excited, we have finally started taping my new show for MTV. I just want to thank you all for sending in your videos and applications. The response was massive and incredible, we had more applicants then any show in history, so that felt really nice that so many people wanted to be apart of it.
So Chelsea was all like - ummm, NO YOU DIDNT. Chelsea was thinking more along the lines of American Idol filling up stadiums.

Rappers like yachts.

Drew Barrymore: 3 marriages/5 balls. And then one of Chelsea's co-hosts did a fantastic imitation of Drew Barrymore by talking out of the side of her mouth (ie, like a stroke victim).

Jenna Jameson wants to have babies. Jenna Jameson says, "I'm following in Angelina's footsteps." News flash: No, you're not. The baby would just fall out. Chelsea said that Jenna should aim lower ... like to follow in Chyna Doll's footsteps. Or Caroline Rhea. One of Chelsea's guy friends said that Jenna was great in First Times at Ridgemont High.

You have no class if you say "classy." Wow, I had no clue. Thanks for the hot tip.

Chelsea wore a yellow tank top. Black leggings that went down to her calves. And these really cute animal print pumps. Thats classy- I mean, hot- I mean, divine.


Padma Lakshmi was Chelsea's guest. Her first name sounds a little Star Wars-ish.

So Chelsea Lately is my new show. Once Project Runway leaves Bravo ... I think E! will overtake it in my Top TV channels list just because of two 30 minute shows (Chelsea Lately and The Soup).

Last Comic Standing: Premarital Abstinence

Song about Premarital Abstinence from the Virginity ROCKS guy[s]

And so you've got a beau now -
A real life solider of God.
He's got a headful of Jesus Christ
And and all state quarterback's bod.
You've reached the age
when its time to get engaged.
You're a nubile princess in a tiger cage.
And he's trying to unlock you with his eager hand.
But you look him in the eye coz you know he'll understand.

You tell him "We're engaged to be married.
Hear the bells go a 'din' and a 'dong'
Let's not jump into bed yet.
For the pants come off ...
When the ring goes onnnnnnnn."

Not as funny as Santiri 4 Warrior Alien comedian guy. But still. A force to be reckoned with. I currently hope this duo beats out the twin are they guido guys.

Also, I learned that Last Comic Standing is soooo over dead baby/punching baby jokes. I guess once I start using it in my everyday vernacular ... it's not funny anymore.
I see how it is.

I cant believe this is going to be what I blog about for my 100th blog post.

I could talk about my AWESOME RAFTING B'DAY TRIP!

But I'm going to complain and whine.

I CANT BELIEVE THAT ALIEN GUY FROM SENTERI 4 DIDNT MAKE LAST COMIC STANDING!!
I mean, yeah, he was gimmicky but they let the VIRGINITY Rocks duo in. How gay were they?

Ugh.

The white guy dancing badly was funny too.
But I guess white guys dancing badly really isnt that much of an oddity.