Things I learned from Chelsea Handler

Okay so Chelsea Handler had me cracking up laughing.
Here's some of the goods.

Paris Hilton
(No shock here)
Paris Hilton wrote in her blog: I am so excited, we have finally started taping my new show for MTV. I just want to thank you all for sending in your videos and applications. The response was massive and incredible, we had more applicants then any show in history, so that felt really nice that so many people wanted to be apart of it.
So Chelsea was all like - ummm, NO YOU DIDNT. Chelsea was thinking more along the lines of American Idol filling up stadiums.

Rappers like yachts.

Drew Barrymore: 3 marriages/5 balls. And then one of Chelsea's co-hosts did a fantastic imitation of Drew Barrymore by talking out of the side of her mouth (ie, like a stroke victim).

Jenna Jameson wants to have babies. Jenna Jameson says, "I'm following in Angelina's footsteps." News flash: No, you're not. The baby would just fall out. Chelsea said that Jenna should aim lower ... like to follow in Chyna Doll's footsteps. Or Caroline Rhea. One of Chelsea's guy friends said that Jenna was great in First Times at Ridgemont High.

You have no class if you say "classy." Wow, I had no clue. Thanks for the hot tip.

Chelsea wore a yellow tank top. Black leggings that went down to her calves. And these really cute animal print pumps. Thats classy- I mean, hot- I mean, divine.


Padma Lakshmi was Chelsea's guest. Her first name sounds a little Star Wars-ish.

So Chelsea Lately is my new show. Once Project Runway leaves Bravo ... I think E! will overtake it in my Top TV channels list just because of two 30 minute shows (Chelsea Lately and The Soup).

UPDATE

I found the Alien Senteri 4 guy on youtube THANKGOD!

http://youtube.com/user/AlienComedian

Praise the Lord Jesus he has a myspace too??

www.myspace.com/aliencomedian

(oh and he is from Satiri 4. EXCUUUUSE ME.)

okay a funny picture now

You can be a winner at the game of Life.

OMG This guy visiting our company came into my office and told me about what he does at his job. Its like WAY cooler than what I do. But I dont think he gets to get on facebook like me. But he can afford a spa/sauna thing. So I think HE WINS.

Oh. And I love this picture for people's birthdays.
It is just not getting unfunny.