smart guy

"All dames are alike: they reach down your throat and they can grab your heart, pul it out and they throw it on the floor, step on it with their high heels, spit on it, shove it in the oven and cook the shit out of it. Then they slice it into little pieces, slam it on a hunk of toast, and serve it to you and then expect you to say, 'Thanks, honey, it was delicious.'"

Solitary Movie Confinement

Sometimes I go see movies by myself.

Here's what I do. I get to the movie about 5 minutes after it starts. The previews are just finishing up and I dont miss any of the movie. I always tend to go to the movies by myself when its really busy too. I dont know why. This is the good part. I go after everyone has found their spot. I look to find someone else by themselves and I sit next to them. See? It's perfect! Now we're both not alone. So I can pretend like we're good friends. This is best to do when the movie theater is crowded. Because if you sit next to someone when the theater is kind of empty, thats just weird. So I pretend we are silent friends. Laughing in unison but never looking at each other or talking. We'll probably be too tired to talk after the movie and we'll just go our separate ways until next time.

So I watched Knowing and the theater was just packed. I sat down next to this older gentleman who was by himself. He had a hat on. I imagined there was a feather in it too. Maybe he was a journalist or something. Real old school hollering about deadlines. Well, about 2 minutes into the movie, he scoots over a chair. Away from me! Could you imagine? Like I am weird or something. I mean, he's the older scary guy. Jeez. I must remind him of his dead daughter or something like that. It's really the only reason he would have done such a thing.

TV Watching Dilemma: SOLVED

So, as we all know, on Tuesday American Idol, The Biggest Loser and Dancing with the Stars come on about the same time. My DVR can only record 2 shows at a time. This is a problem.

Seeing how I think AI <<<<<< TBL ca. = to DWTS (translates to American Idol is much, much less than The Biggest Loser which is about equal to Dancing with the Stars ... with regards to what I enjoy). From watching the recap episode of AI and seeing 20 seconds of their songs here are my initial thoughts: Danny Gokey sucks; I'm not quite sure what the BFD is. The other big white guy seems okay. I like the girl with the tattoos. And Adam Lambert seemed cool. That blind kid sucks.

So I'm going to not record American Idol anymore on Tuesday nights. But I will record the recap episode where they vote someone off on Wednesday nights and just catch the quick recaps of their songs (because Fox will edit out the boring two minutes of the songs and just show the Mariah Carey segments). Problem solved! Who needs 3 hours of American Idol on their DVR every week anyways? The recap episodes are where you see the cheesy Ford commercials, emo Kanye, and the people cry when they get voted off. TONS OF ENTERTAINMENT.

This is my exciting midweek life.

More life notes:
I also pre-ordered Twilight. 2 Discs.
My iPod battery konked out. I cant take it to Apple because it looks really old and stolen (just like everything else I buy off Craigslist). I bought an iPod battery off of ipodjuice.com. Will update if it actually works. I mean, $39 bucks to save my 60gb iPod sure beats buying another one for $240.
Bought some Asics because I'm doing a bootcamp. It was kind of pricey. My April will be filled with waking up at 5 am and sweating and crying and getting yelled at, I'm sure. :D But hopefully I'll be looking hawt come May.

random thing i stole about how the economic crisis affects charities, movie store, and your mom

the charities suffer because you stop donating.
the movie theater and the candy store suffer because you stop spending money.
and you dont have enough money saved to pay back your mom.

you're in an economic crisis.




I found this on a twitpic. I have no clue what the context was. But I liked the the randomosity of the candy store/mom stuff.
(I personally had thought the candy stores took an economic hit during the atkins time ... I'm sure they're bummed they're always the first to suffer. Seems like candy would help you out during hard times.)

status updates suck donkey balls when they dont include me.

now, im not saying i would have gone anyways, but i hate being such a good internet spy and figuring out when people do things and dont invite me.

i dont care that you are going to see watchmen with a big crew of your folk. i dont care that you are windmill kicking snowmen in the face that you built previously. and i certainly dont care that you and your friends fell in a big, heaping pile of laughter in some leaves on saturday night.

i. dont. care.

because while you had your silly, fleeting fun - i've been writing this blog. your laughter and interaction with real people only lasted for a few hours. the internet is forever.

So there.

the Universe does not want me to get fat or drink coffee

i have this sneaking suspicion that the Universe is with me on my fight against fat and caffeine. i made a commitment to myself and the powers that be that i would say goodbye to some of my favorite things which were bad for my health. i have watched The Secret and i go to the gym and so i have a lot of positive influences in my life to prevent me from going back to my bad habits.

but, occasionally i fail at life. and in a recent post i talked allllll about my run in with the cement thingie (which happened to be at a mcdonalds ... i'm certain this was the Universe reminding me that i shouldnt have been there in the first place).

i decided to tempt fate again and just drop by for one eensy teensy bite of burger king this morning. i kid you not, if i didnt sit my burger king iced mocha on the edge of my desk and if it didnt topple over and spill all over my floor im not sitting here (umm, i might not be sitting here while you, the reader, are reading this later but youknowwhatimeandontbeanass). i cleaned up my mess [kind of] and then threw away the food.

no wonder i had such a hard time losing weight this past year. apparently i have no willpower and need acts of god to keep me from fast food.

random

so im getting a lot of compliments on my pants. little do people know that i have a hard time hiding my crack for all the world to see in these jeans. what women do for fashion ...

also, i think they should start a pool at work to see who will lose their keycard first. and everyone should throw in about 10 bucks. i, being the responsible one, should have the odds against me of losing mine. so i will tell another coworker to vote for me as the one who would lose their keycard first. then i will lose it, my coworker will win the pot, i will get $25 from my coworker for taking the fall, and they get to keep the rest of the money.

(would the story sound any different if i had already lost my keycard and the keycard costs $25 to replace?)