There's this overbearing swim coach that scared the kids. They swam circles in the pool. He wouldnt allow them to hold on to the sides of the pool. And it was a deep pool. He was barking orders while treading water. And he was having a hard time keeping his own head underwater. You know why? Because he was incredibly obese. I dipped my head underwater and saw him drop underneath the surface. He was this big circle (think Willy Wonka Veruca Salt after the blueberries shape; just round, like a blown up balloon). He had this thin innertube right under the largest part of his circular stomach. It could only barely bring his chin above the water. His arms were short stubs because the circle of his torso had enveloped the top 3rd of his upper arm (this is why fat guys have short penises. You're welcome). Since the bulk of his weight was above the innertube, he had a hard time staying upright. He was kind of like those balloons in the Macy Thanksgiving parade, teetering right and left and front and back. Since he's the fat guy in the pool, he's embarrassed so he's wearing a t-shirt. Its tight and he's also wearing striped red shorts that stop at his upper thigh. He flails his little arms to get his head back above water and starts barking orders to the scared 5 year olds once again.
He doesnt know I'm there.
Then I wonder why he's even there in the first place. Why is he around kids and water? He seems so angry and out of place. He isnt the right size and can barely keep his head above water.
I get visions of his past. He was an amazing swimmer. Won competitions. Lightbulbs flashing. Friendly. Happy.
I'm a big fan of The Biggest Loser and time must have passed because the swim coach went on the show. He's a normal sized person and happy again. And I want to take his swim class to learn how to swim and to be around one of The Biggest Losers. He sees me outside while we walk to the swimming pool for the group lesson. He is average weight and looks fine on the outside but I have the impression his stomach is a saggy grandma boob with an innie instead of an outie (and by outie I mean grandma nipple). He's maybe late 30s, early 40s.
The swimming pool (as swimming pools tend to be) is around this complicated rickety, wooden structure we have to maneuver around. It looks dangerous. He climbs up, over, and through this structure with an air of 'fat guy I cant do this' hesitation. Though it takes him awhile, he does it. I know a regular guy without the fat guy past could have done it faster.
Then its my turn. I get to a bridge with missing parts. I have to jump from one small part to the next. I see the swimming coach come to help me. I want him to go away because I dont want the bridge to stress under his weight. He's still large because of his height . . . and that remaining skin that I'm sure is under his pale Hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts. I remind myself that he's a Biggest Loser and cool. So I let him stand at the other side and encourage me to get across (though I find it really annoying and start not looking forward to the swim lessons). We also climb down this other structure and finally get to the area in front of the swimming pool location. He starts chatting me up and I can tell he's into me. I dont want to go on a date with him.
Then I wake up.
Ummm, wtf? I have not had a dream that I recall in a long time and this is the one I get?