April 23, 2009

does anyone else want to join my "Im scared but driving anyways" calling list?

There were some pretty bad storms in GA and I had to teach yoga. I got about 5/6 of the way there and had to pull over to a gas station. Like a BOSS! There was rain and hail and lightning and gnashing of teeths, etc. The rain was coming down so hard, I could barely see the line divider that I was driving beside ... much less the one a foot ahead. I hear my precious non-descript Camry getting beaten by the hail and my wipers might as well be useless even though they are going full speed. Its kind of sad when your car is doing its best but its still not good enough to get water off of the windshield. So I park in a Shell. There are cars huddled underneath the canopy covering the gas pumps. I get my hood under the strong aluminum covering but my trunk is still getting pounded. (by the way Im just joshing about the "strong aluminum" ... you remember what aluminum sounds like with rain on it dont you? well pretend its hail and see if you feel safe and secure.)

First phone call: the college where I teach yoga - are you guys still having group fitness classes? some kid: yawai as far as I know.

I still have 15 minutes to class, I'm 5 minutes away maybe this will blow over by then.

Second phone call: to the yoga contractor (I guess thats what you call her) Umm, its bad weather, I dont think I can make it to teach. She tells me to call the college if I cant make it. Then we chat about summer schedule! (Side note: I didnt know they were having summer group fitness classes! Im excited).

I dont know where the safest place to be is in a thunderstorm. I know cars are really good around lightning because of the rubber and stuff. But what about a tornado? I dont think a car can fight a tornado. Remembering back to the Planeteers and how their powers might not have been so lame after all (well, you still cant convince me about that heart kid. USELESS). Note to self: google "tornado stay in car ditch crying overpass"

Now the wind is blowing and I'm looking at the gas pumps. You know what they look like in bad weather? Bombs. Thats what. I hear a tornado siren go off and I jump out of my car and jet inside the gas station. You learn something new every day - apparently I would rather die inside a gas station than a car.

Third phone call: the college where i teach yoga - i'm the instructor, i'm not going to make it to teach. some kid: okay cool. Me: umm, is this all? do you need to tell someone? some kid: i can tell the building manager. Me: Okay you do that then.

Fourth phone call: to Mick (stepdad): hey, look at the news. Is Kennesaw going to die? Mick: not that I can tell.

Another tornado siren. This time a voice comes with it. A VOICE! When have you heard a voice attached to a tornado siren? I dont know either but it makes it sound a lot more legit. We're all wimps and back away from the big window. Some of us head to the back storage area but the attendant is like "umm, thats aluminum back there. stay here up front where the big, open window is". He didnt say that exactly but its what I heard.

A lot of bad stuff happens in movies when there's a crowd of people in a gas station. Knowing, The Mist ... seems like a lot of disaster movies have people in gas stations. I am looking around this Shell and there's a good 30 people there. And its JUST like the movies. There's an Asian, a woman that knows exactly what is going on the outside, a guy in shorts (jorts, to be precise) and a sleeveless shirt, a woman with a small baby, a guy with a mullet making comments about "well at least we got beer". I mean YOU CAN NOT MAKE THIS STUFF UP!

So the storm backs off and I get in my car.
5th phone call to Mick: OMG I made it out of that gas station alive. I thought for sure I was a goner when I saw that woman with the small child come in. OMG I'm shaking LOL [turning the ignition on] Mick: Niki calm down before you drive. Me: Oh yeah lol Im nervous and chatty. ... okay Im good bye.

6th phone call to Ashley: [got her voicemail] OMG ASHLEY LIKE THERE IS SO MUCH LIGHTNING NO ONE IS DRIVING IN MY LANE WHAT IS GOING ON AGHHHHH! OMG THE SKY JUST LIT UP! I SO SCARED HOLD ME! THE LIGHTNING ITS ALL AROUND ME AHHHH! I CANT SEE THE ROAD *click

7th phone call to Mick: OMG THE LIGHT IS OUT AT NORTH MARIETTA PARKWAY AND 41 STAY ON THE LINE MAKE SURE I MAKE IT INSIDE THE HOUSE OKAY AND DONT GET STRUCK BY LIGHTNING OMG IM TURNING LEFT AND THE TRAFFIC LIGHTS OUT OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING DONT YOU SEE IM GOING??!! OKAY I MADE IT DIDNT DIE OMGOMG IM WALKING OUT OF MY CAR AND IM NOT DEAD LOL IM INSIDE! And then my mom talks to me and says, "Just get your iPod, close your eyes, and think happy thoughts. Stay away from windows. Oh, your bed is by a window? Well listen to your iPod in the closet or something honey okay?" Yeah okay mom bye.

Not to mention I made like two twitters. I imagined at my funeral there would be some comment like "always one for realism, niki's last words were posted on her twitter page. and i quote: omg [and he actually says oh em gee] i'm in a gas station and there's a tornado and this is like a disaster movie or something. Ppl are going to die!' .... "

1 comment:

ashleymagers said...

Now THAT was one of the funniest voice messages you've left me in a long time. I think I still have it saved on my phone. Priceless.