AWWWW!!

This guy at work (who I kinda didnt want to talk to so I pretended to be busy) was like "whatcha up to this weekend?"

and I was like "nothing just going to be poor." (which is kinda true ... but not as bad as i made it seemed).
And he walks off.

A few minutes later he comes back and throws $40 on my desk. and he has less money than me it seems (or he's just as bad at handling it or something).

i tried to give it back to him bc i dont think i will need it.
and i kinda teared up because it was so nice of him.

im just like emotional or something because im trying to be a better person and i know i will lose all of my friends (or they'll make fun of me or ridicule me for attending church - im already hearing how "stupid" i am for going from one of them). and it hurts my feelings. i dont do that to them with their decisions. why to me? and then sbz is going to be moving to tx. im going to be friendless and alone and its going to suck.

see? im getting teary eyed again.
im a fragile soul.

YSA Conference?

Okay I havent been to a church dance in a really long time. So Amy wanted to go to the YSA Conference and I will definitely go with her. And now I cant get a hold of her and dont really have any plans tonight .... DO I GO? I dont know ANYONE. I mean, of course I know people. But I dont KNOW anyone. I need someone to talk to during the times when people are talking to the other people they know. JEEZ. Im not really a wall flower dont make me one now LIFE. Ugh, Im preliminarily freaking out. This is so unnecessary.

I havent SSLLLLLOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW danced in forever. Since my last church dance. (well, Ive certainly danced with guys but not in the church dance way). ANd I remember the last times not really getting asked to dance too much (I think my hair scared them off ... or maybe it was the folded arms and scowl? who knows with men they are so fickle). I've gained weight. Are they going to notice? Like through my shirt? Better wear my sweatshirt ... y'know. The thick dark blue one. In the dark, no one will be able to see me.
I wish it was all classes and no socializing. That would be fun. Kind of like school. Or institute. But without that time after Institute where you make plans to go eat hot dogs and whatnot. Man, socializing isnt like subbing. If no one volunteered, I just called on their name and made them do it. If you want to "pass out papers" in the real world of socializing, you need to move out of slow lane and do it yourself (worst analogy ever).

Maybe I should go to the mall and buy two new shirts to ease my nerves.
Yes.
I'm feeling better already.

Wait, no seriously. Do I just stand there by myself if no one is talking to me? Is that what you do? I've never been in the position where I dont know anyone that much at a church dance. shopping. shopping shopping will make it all go away.

vent and rave

VENT: Okay so I am really annoyed with my Mentadent toothpaste. It's been 3 teeth brushings and, still, only the left side is coming out. How far do I have to press it to get the right hand toothpaste coming out?

current mood: frustrated


RAVE: Well, since only 5 profile views of my blog arent me then I think its safe to post that I am in love, L. O. V. E., with this guy I dont talk to! It's MEANT TO BE GOSHDARNITT. I look at his facebook profile like 10 times a day. It's seriously a reflex now. I want him to love me WHY WONT YOU LOVE ME EVEN THOUGH I NEVER TALK TO YOU?

/it's totally lust. or longing. longing is a better word. i'm so over lusting. thats something you do in a harlequinn romance. i'm classy. i long.

books and social networking!

Here's my librarything profile.

http://www.librarything.com/catalog/nikirtehsuxlol


Now the one person, Dustin? Im guessing, that reads my blog can KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT ME!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA -eh.

My goal is to get more views than blog posts. Right now Im at 65 blog posts and 70 profile views. But I view my blog after I write them and I think my profile views of my blog count too. So

70 profile views - my 65 views of my 65 blog posts = 5 profile views that arent me.

Hmm thats actually kind of depressing.
I think I caught my mom reading my diary more than that.