Great moments in Netflix reviewing

I dont particularly like writing movie reviews but I find myself doing it anyways. Most of my reviews arent that in depth either. I'm moreso from a middle schooler perspective. Most of my Netflix reviews have more people who find them helpful than not helpful though.

Here are excerpts from two of the less well liked by Netflix ones.

River's Edge

John, this hulking tall kid, kills this girl for making fun of his mom or something. And then he shows his friends and they basically have these very lackluster reactions. No one is scared, no one freaks out, and no one even thinks its incredibly cool. Crispin Glover's character tries to hide the body. The actual murderer John doesnt seem to care if he gets caught or not. He seriously acts like a walking brick. Keanu Reeve's brother in the movie is that annoying little brother from Teen Witch ("A DOG! A DOG! A DOG!"). Crispin Glover is this schizoid freak who just drives around, tries to smoke weed, and hide that girl's body. I didnt feel for any of the characters nor did I care for their plight. I am all for the disaffected youth movies, but this was just annoying and boring to watch.

I still stand by my review. This movie sucked. Crispin Glover was a freakin SPAZ in it. And its not like Willard was that great of a movie either if we're being honest with ourselves.
Anyways, I think my review was helpful. Now 2/7 people should think its helpful. And one of those 2 is me.

The next review is from The Girl Next Door. I think people were turned off by the last part of my review. But the police should take my advice, I know a classy pedophile flick when I see it. And this movie was not it.

The Girl Next Door

I'll start off and say that I liked the sepia overtone look of the film. The beginning scene seemed kind of intriguing. That being said, if you are going to do a movie concerning this subject matter of child abuse/molestation, then you better do it well. Not only was the acting sucky (with exception of the Aunt Ruth), but the character's were extremely flat and one-sided as well. During the last scene, I could hardly understand the actors because they were mumbling. How the cop handled the situation seemed very implausible. It seemed like they tried to shock you (and you should be) but you were shocked solely from the subject matter and not from the way it was brought across the screen. I personally think this movie didnt bring to light the story of child abuse/molestation but used those to show how children could be used in a sexual way. If your husband or a male in your life really likes this movie and watches it a lot at night, do the world a favor and turn in their computer harddrive to the cops.

I wont even start with 10,000 BC. YOU CAN SEE THE CAVEWOMAN'S MASCARA IN THE MOVIE! WHAT CAVEWOMAN WORE MASCARA IN 10,000 BC??!


EDIT: looking back on the member's reviews on Netflix about The Girl Next Door ... WTF? They like it? The acting and the movie SUCKED. Along with the content, the writing sucked, the acting sucked ... *hits head on desk. I think they HAD money to make the movie, they just didnt use it very well.

"This movie is so disturbing I actually threw up." 19/26 people found this helpful? My review is WAY better.

I like this guy though ... "If you've ever thought, "I really enjoyed 'Carrie', but there just wasn't enough ABUSE!", this movie is for you." HAHA!

Koyaanisqatsi: Life Out of Balance

I watched a pretty decent movie. It's called Koyaanisqatsi: Life Out of Balance.

ITs more of something you would watch at an IMAX or something. As it is just nature scenes or people walking on a sidewalk in fast motion or buildings with clouds reflected on it. And its 88 minutes long with no talking.

But the following is a definition of the word Koyaanisqatsi. And then the second is translation of some of the chants in the soundtrack.

KOYAANISQATSI
ko yaa nis qatsi (from the Hopi language) n. 1. crazy life 2. life in turmoil 3. life out of balance 4. life disintegrating 5. a state of life that calls for another way of living

“If we dig precious things from the land, we will invite disaster.”
“Near the Day of Purification, there will be cobwebs spun back and forth in the sky.”
“A container of ashes might one day be thrown from the sky, which could burn the land and boil the oceans.”


I totally didnt get a koyannisqatsi vibe at all from the movie. Except maybe the last 10 minutes or so. But it showed the skyscrapers in slow mo and with the sun reflecting off of it. And it showed twinkies being made in a factory! I mean, whats so doom and gloom about that? I got more of a hustle and bustle hecticness get back to nature feel from it.

This is all.

movies

I wrote this in the LDS group so if you read my post in that one thread about movies, then you've already read this and you can just stop right now. But sometimes I write gloriousness in the Mormon group and it just needs to be documented in my blog.

Here are the movies I want to see coming out.

JUNE
Kung Fu Panda
Get Smart

Do not want: M Night Shamalyans The Happening


JULY
The Dark Knight
Hancock
Hellboy II (I KNOW IM LAME STFU)
Step Brothers

Do not want: Meet Dave (Eddie Murphy, nuff said), Mamma Mia, The X Files: I Want to Believe

SummerTime ! # @ * !

Today I layed out by the pool for the first time of the summer season. Ash and I got sun another time but I dont think a pool was involved so that clearly doesnt count.

When we left, Ash had redness all on her shoulders. I think I got darker a little all over. But I dont think Im sunburnt or anything.

Then I went home and took Zoey for a walk. Well, Zoey walked. I rode my bike. That should tire her out. She was really bad about stopping all of a sudden and snapping her mouth at little things (think they are called bugs?). But I am a supremely awesome bundle of coordination so we were able to not die. For Zoey to be such a mid/large sized dog, she sure doesnt hustle and run. She kind of trots. I would think she really wouldnt like me walking her bc Im always yanking her leash. And we let her outside sometimes and she roams and does her own little thing. But everytime I grab the leash, she comes up to me and sits down immediately. Real happy like.

And I think I will look better than average in a bathing suit once I lose 10 lbs. Well, I look better than average already seeing how the average american woman is like 5'4" and like 170 lbs or something.

SO EXCITED FOR SUMMER! YAY. I am such a loser but I think I will get a SP to White Water. On weekends I can walk across the street and go get a tan. Cool off in the water just to get hot again when I walk back to the house.

Also watched a horrible Netflix movie last night. Hard Candy? It had that annoying girl from Juno in it (pregnant girl with the annoying voice). And she was 14 and had captured this guy she met online and tied him up and kept being really, for lack of better terms, ANNOYING. I wanted him to get free and punch her in the face.

Okay rambling! Yay!

Black Book

I saw this movie and I actually liked it. The Nazi guy was pretty hot. The girl did some pretty kick A things. I dont know why but I typically like movies about Nazis (whcih is kind of wrong in a way, Im sure). But I liked Schindlers List, LOVED Sophie Scholl, hmmm now that I Think about it - it seems those are the only Nazi movies I've seen.

Anyways, Ashley and I were the only ones who have seen it amongst our Netflix friends.
So I rated it and left this note:

Would have given it five stars but some of the twists got a little too unbelievable. Could have also been 30 minutes shorter. But still, a GREAT movie. Nudity and poop. You've been warned.

I kinda thought more than one person would add it in their queue. But only one person added it! And now I secretly judge this one guy because none of the other Netflix friends thought poop and nudity was a fascinatingly great concept for a movie addition to their queue.

Anyways, Netflix: the reason God invented the intranets.