teaching your daughters how to be whores

I'm very big on trying your best to be consistent with your beliefs.

So I hear about Disney hating on Miley Cyrus for her picture in Vanity Fair (right). (Even though she was seen in the dress on the left at a CMT event but whatever).




Now Im just doubly perplexed when I hear about Disney posting this billboard in Beijing.



Disney = inconsistent.
And that billboard is just in bad taste, imho.
Call me crazy but I dont think 11 year olds should be in bra and panties on a billboard. If you found that picture on some 60 year old's harddrive, they'd be in jail by now.

Cool life sized sculpture art people stuff

I should just find everyone who ever worked on the movie Labyrinth and stalk them because they put out stuff like this:















by Ron Mueck
who was Ludo in the Labyrinth.

Man if there isnt something I love more than hearing british accents, its reading them.

I love thesuperficial.com

They were talking about amy winehouse messing with the paparazzi outside her door and the writer-guy feigned a British accent.

"Ello, ello? You caught me in my knickers, plum right you did. Let me gets me shirt on. Alright much better. Fancy a rogering with me bean pie right fancy kitty kat with the magazine? Aye, looks like rain, bloomin' blokeys peanut butter with the Lucky Charms me done seen right'o with the telly. Crack san'wich, guv'nah?"

CRIKEY IT'S AMAZIN'!
Shoot, I think I just did Steve Irwin.

stuff to read

http://wearpalettes.blogspot.com/
- find colors to match .. uh, colors!

http://www.jennsylvania.com/
- Jen Lancaster wrote a fabulous book. So I just like her blog.

http://www.daveattell.com/writing.php
- Dave Attell. he's kind of hilarious. Not really a blog. But whatever.

http://thephatphree.com/
- "This might be a shot in the dark, but I just got my hands on a heartbreakingly small piece of a map that leads to a vague, but lucrative Incan treasure and I am in dire need of a black guy to help me find it."

http://www.theonion.com/content/index
- its the onion!

and, of course, there's thesuperficial.com geekologie.com and iwatchstuff.com

Enjoy and as my stepdad always says, dont say I never gave you nuthin'. {*gives you, essentially, nuthin'*)

LOL at the bottom 10.

Fox Sports had this to say about Mr. Andruw Jones.

(10) Los Angeles Dodgers: It's pretty obvious that they were Jonesin' for the wrong Atlanta Braves mainstay when they parted with $14.7 million. Andruw Jones, 31, carried a .162 average with 1 homer, 3 RBIs and 25 whiffs in 74 at-bats into the weekend, has looked chunky since arriving at spring training and has added less to the lineup thus far than a cymbals player in Nine Inch Nails. You would have thought L.A. might have taken the hint when the career .261 hitter fell off to.222 in his walk year. Meanwhile, Chipper Jones is tearing the cover off the ball for the Braves for $12.3 million.

And I'll throw in the one about Starbucks owner Howard Schulz too.

(1) Howard Schultz: The founder, chairman and CEO of Starbucks is suing to undo his sale of the Seattle SuperSonics to Clay Bennett's Oklahoma City group 21 months ago because he says he was fooled into believing the NBA club would remain in the Pacific Northwest. The suit asks that the club be held in trust until an "honest buyer" can be found. I know Bennett said at the time and in several instances since that the Sonics would stay put, but let's not lose site of the fact that it's now his company and he should be able to run it as he sees fit, although honoring the last two years of the Seattle lease would be nice. Schultz should be focusing on Starbucks, which has seen its stock price plunge by more than 50 percent in the last year, and be grateful no one has sued him for charging for Wi-Fi access in his stores on top of $4.50 for a cup of coffee. God bless Dunkin' Donuts.

grand theft auto IV

I dont play video games. I have the hand eye coordination of a watermelon.

I bought a Playstation and tried playing Lara Croft Tombraider (the first one) and I couldnt even get out of the first level. I was just running around aimlessly and eventually bats would kill me. Or I'd jump off something without enough running head start and die.

WEll anyways. I was watching the Tyra show. And they had this kid talking about what he liked most out of the video games - specifically, Grand Theft Auto. It wasnt stealing or racing the cars. This little middle schooler said his favorite part was hitting the prostitutes. ie, hitting the women.

Thats just nasty and wrong. I have a big *thing* against sexualizing your tweens and little girls. But I also see how we destroy little boykids too. Im not saying that Grand Theft Auto is responsible for violence against women but ... okay yeah I am.

PS. Just from a quick look on wikipedia, I also see that you can kill cops and the military. Seriously. Who buys these games for their kids? I know the answer is "a lot of parents". Im sure they are good people. But the mind is such a sponge at that age. Some people believe that post childbirth ... just the act of tearing the baby away from its mother's arm to wipe it off and suck its nose dry takes years to erase the damage done. If that is true, imagine the irreparable subtle and obvious harm these violent games do to young children.

drink this, not that (men's health)

Kids' Juice

Drink This
Minute Maid Kids Multi-Vitamin Orange Juice
120 calories
24 g sugars

Not That
Welch's Grape Juice
170 calories
40 g sugars


Kids love grape juice for one reason: It's loaded with sugar. That also means it's loaded with calories. In fact, when it comes to sugar and calories, no juice is worse for you than grape. More than offering a huge calorie and sugar discount, enhanced orange juices like this are mother nature's multi-vitamin, providing your kids with monster doses of calcium and vitamin D for bone growth and protection, plus a host of powerful antioxidants.

Lunchbox Drinks

Drink This
Minute Maid Fruit Falls Tropical
5 calories
1 g sugars

Not That
Capri Sun Pacific Cooler
100 calories
26 g sugars


You might as well just pack your kid a can of soda, because ounce-for-ounce, a Capri Sun has more sugar and calories than a Coke or 7-Up. Minute Maid's new line is a natural fruit-juice-flavored water with 100 percent of your kid's daily Vitamin C requirements, plus a healthy hit of calcium. Make this switch in the little ones' lunch boxes every day and you'll cut 20 cups of sugar—enough to make 1,280 chocolate chip cookies!—from their diet by the end of the school year.

Juice

Drink This
Ocean Spray White Grapefruit 100% Juice (8 oz)
90 calories
17 g sugars

Not That
Ocean Spray Ruby Red Grapefruit 100% Juice (8 oz)
130 calories
29 g sugars

Same juice, different color, right? Not quite. The higher level of naturally-occurring sweetness in red grapefruits make for a stiff 70% hike in the overall sugar content of this juice. Reap the same rewards at a fraction of the cost by sticking to with white grapefruit juice.

Beach Booze

Drink This
Mojito
160 calories
15 g sugars

Not That
Long Island Iced Tea
700 calories
40 g sugars


The LIT, the boozehound's libation of choice, is the absolute worst thing you can order at a bar. That's because it's loaded with five different liquors (gin, vodka, tequila, rum, and triple sec) and a huge hit of high-fructose corn syrup from the sweet-and-sour mix and Coke they use to drown out the strong liquor taste. One of these has more calories than a slice of cheesecake. Catch a similar buzz with a mojito. Thanks to a lighter hand with the liquor, this popular Cuban cocktail is a dramatic calorie saver—with healthy accents of fresh mint and a squeeze of lime.

Summer Cocktail

Drink This
Cosmopolitan
150 calories
12 g sugars

Not That
Margarita
500 calories
32 g sugars


Pre-made margarita mix, the neon green standard in most bars and restaurants, is essentially high-fructose corn syrup with a splash of artificial lime flavoring, making this warm-weather favorite a serious threat to your beach body this summer. Ask you bartender to shake up a real margarita—fresh lime juice, tequila, and a touch of sugar—or switch over to the cranberry-based Cosmo for dramatic caloric savings.

Classic Cocktail

Drink This
Bloody Mary
150 calories
10 g sugars

Not That
Pina Colada
625 calories
75 g sugars


The pina colada isn't far behind the LIT in the running for the world's unhealthiest cocktail. Most of the calories come from sugar-spiked pineapple juice and fat-laced coconut milk. In fact, the only thing healthy about this drink is the chunk of pineapple garnish hanging from the rim. On the opposite side of the spectrum, the brunch boozer's beverage of choice, the bloody mary, is one of the healthiest cocktails you can belly up to. You get a couple of servings of vegetables from the tomato juice, plus a healthy punch of lycopene, a potent cancer-fighting antioxidant. Keep the salt in check by asking for low-sodium tomato juice or V8.

Beer

Drink This
Guinness
126 calories
10 g carbohydrates

Not That
Sierra Nevada Pale Ale
200 calories
12 g carbohydrates


Surprised? Most people think of Guinness as a beer milkshake: dark, thick, and rich enough to induce tremors of guilt in thirsty partakers. But a 12-ounce serving is as low in calories as some watery light beer selections and can save you up to 75 calories over other full-flavored brews like Sierra Nevada. Part of that comes from the alcohol percentage: Guinness has 4 percent alcohol, and the Pale Ale has 6 percent. Switch out a six-pack a week and you've just saved yourself nearly 7 pounds this year.

Light Beer

Drink This
Beck’s Premier Light
64 calories
4 g carbohydrates

Not That
Bud Light
110 calories
7 g carbohydrates


Think all light is right? Wrong. Beck’s Premier takes the crown for being the lowest-calorie beer we’ve found yet. In fact, it has fewer calories than many non-alcoholic beers. With most of the major brands—Bud, Miller, Michelob, Coors—weighing in at around 110 calories, you stand to save big by making Beck’s your cerveza of choice.

Coffee

Drink This
Double Espresso Macchiato
15 calories
0 g fat

Not That
Large Caffe Latte
190 calories
7 g fat


In the hierarchy of espresso drinks, lattes sit squarely at the bottom. That's because they're more milk than java, and are susceptible to huge pumps of sugary syrup from eager-to-please baristas. A macchiato gives the same caffeine kick for a tiny fraction of the caloric cost by swapping out the excess steamed milk for a thick crown of frothed milk. It's a simple but meaningful switch for caffeine junkies looking for a healthier fix.

Iced Coffee

Drink This
Dunkin’ Donuts Caramel Crème Iced Latte (16 oz)
260 calories
9 g fat
40 g sugars

Not That
Starbucks 2% Iced Dulce de Leche Latte (16 oz)
420 calories
16 g fat
52 g sugars


Do you really want to take in more than half a day’s worth of saturated fat through a straw? That’s what you get, plus more sugar per ounce than a Coke, when you sip on Starbuck’s fancy iced caramel latte. Make this simple swap twice a week this summer and save over a pound of body fat.

Wintry Starbucks Treat

Drink This
Venti Starbucks Peppermint Café Au Lait
170 calories
5 g fat

Not That
Venti Starbucks Peppermint White Chocolate Latte
660 calories
22 g fat


People stopping off at Starbucks for a quick pick-me-up leave with a meal's worth of calories under their belt when they order this dubious drink. The latte packs just 100 fewer calories than a Whopper with a blood-sugar spiking mix of whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and high-fructose corn syrup. Instead, you can have a similarly great-tasting winter drink by ordering a low-cal cafe au lait and having the barista add a few squirts of peppermint syrup.

Protein Shakes

Drink This
Slim Fast High Protein Extra Creamy Strawberry (11.5 oz can)
190 calories
5g fat
13 g sugars

Not That
Boost Plus High Protein Strawberry (8 oz bottle)
240 calories
6 g fat
16 g sugars

Besides having less calories and sugar than the smaller Boost shake, the Slim Fast also has more protein and five extra grams of fiber, which means it will work harder at keeping your belly full in the hours after sipping it.

Fruit Smoothie

Drink This
Jamba Juice Power Mega Mango
420 calories
97 g sugars

Not That
Jamba Juice Power Mango-a-go-go
600 calories
129 g sugars


This is the perfect example of how a few words on a menu board can be the difference of 5 pounds by the end of the year. The "go-go" gets its zip from a huge scoop of pineapple sorbet, which is why it ends up with as many calories as a hot fudge sundae. But the Mega Mango is made from 100 percent fruit, so it's lighter on the sugar and the calories, and heavier on the vitamins and the antioxidants.

Yogurt Smoothie

Drink This
Dannon Light & Fit Strawberry Banana Smoothie
70 calories
12 g sugars

Not That
Stonyfield Farm Organic Wild Berry Smoothie
150 calories
25 g sugars


The Stonyfield is smaller in size but has more than twice the calories and sugar of the Dannon Light. Don't be fooled by the "organic" in the name—this yogurt smoothie is thick with added sugars, which spikes your blood sugar and tells your body to start storing fat. (Definitely not the way you want to start your day.) The Dannon Light still gives you a nice protein kick to get your metabolism jumpstarted in the morning, but spares you the sickly sweetness that sinks the Stonyfield.

Iced Tea

Drink This
Honest Tea Green Dragon Tea
60 calories
10 g sugars

Not That
Arizona Iced Tea
200 calories
25 g sugars

Arizona Tea is a closer relative of the soft drink than the steeped beverage you read about in all of those health studies. That's because the beverage barons of Arizona have a heavy hand with the sugar, all but canceling out any of tea's formidable nutritional benefits. Opt for a bottle of Honest Tea and you get all the cancer-fighting, metabolism- boosting catechins found in green tea, with only a tiny hint of sweetness.

Blended Fruit Drink

Drink This
Krispy Kreme Very Berry Chiller
290 calories
71 g sugars

Not That
Starbucks Venti Strawberries and Creme Frappuccino Blended Creme
750 calories
120 g sugars


Let’s get one thing straight: Neither of these are the healthy, fruit-based beverages they may seem to be. Little to no fruit goes into either of these, and in the case of the Starbucks Frappuccino, this drinkable disaster contains as much sugar as six Haagen Dazs Vanilla and Almond ice cream bars. The Krispy Kreme Chiller proves to be a more reasonable indulgence, with little of the excessive added sugar or whipped cream that plague most blended "fruit" drinks.

20 worst foods in america (men's health)

20. Worst Fast-Food Chicken Meal
Chicken Selects Premium Breast Strips from McDonald's (5 pieces) with creamy ranch sauce

830 calories
55g fat
(4.5g trans fat)
48 g carbs

The only thing "premium" about these strips is the caloric price you pay. Add a large fries and regular soda and this seemingly innocuous chicken meal tops out at 1,710 calories.


19. Worst Drink
Jamba Juice Chocolate Moo'd Power Smoothie (30 fl oz)

900 calories
10 g fat
183 g carbs
166 g sugar

Jamba Juice calls it a smoothie; we call it a milk shake. In fact, this beverage contains more sugar than 2 pints of Ben and Jerry's Butter Pecan ice cream.

18. Worst Supermarket Meal
Pepperidge Farm Roasted Chicken Pot Pie (whole pie)

1,020 calories
64 g fat
86 g carbs

The label may say this pie serves 2, but who ever divided a small pot pie in half? Once you crack the crust, there will be no stopping.

17. Worst "Healthy" Burger
Ruby Tuesday Bella Turkey Burger

1,145 calories
71 g fat
56 g carbs

We chose this burger for more than its calorie payload: Its name implies that it's healthy.

16. Worst Mexican Entree
Chipotle Mexican Grilled Chicken Burrito

1,179 calories
47 g fat
125 g carbs
2,656 mg sodium

Despite a reputation for using healthy, fresh ingredients, Chipotle's menu is limited to football-size burritos, overstuffed tacos, and gigantic salads — all of which contribute to a humongous waistline.

15. Worst Kids' Meal
Macaroni Grill Double Macaroni 'n' Cheese

1,210 calories
62 g fat
3,450 mg sodium

It's like feeding your kid 1½ boxes of Kraft mac 'n' cheese.

14. Worst Sandwich
Quizno's Classic Italian (large)

1,510 calories
82 g fat
3,750 mg sodium
106 g carbs

A large homemade sandwich would more likely provide about 500 calories.

13. Worst Salad
On the Border Grande Taco Salad with Taco Beef

1,450 calories
102 g fat
78 g carbs
2,410 mg sodium

This isn't an anomaly: Five different On the Border salads on the menu contain more than 1,100 calories each.


12. Worst Burger
Carl's Jr. Double Six Dollar Burger

1,520 calories
111 g fat

Carl's brags about this, but also provides convenient nutrition info on its Web site—so ignorance is no excuse for eating it.


11. Worst Steak
Lonestar 20 oz T-bone

1,540 calories
124 g fat

Add a baked potato and Lonestar's Signature Lettuce Wedge, and this is a 2,700-calorie blowout.


10. Worst Breakfast
Bob Evans Caramel Banana Pecan Cream Stacked and Stuffed Hotcakes

1,540 calories
77 g fat
(9 g trans fat)
198 g carbs
(109 g sugars)

Five Egg McMuffins yield the same caloric cost as these sugar-stuffed flapjacks.

9. Worst Dessert
Chili's Chocolate Chip Paradise Pie with Vanilla Ice Cream

1,600 calories
78 g fat
215 g carbs

Would you eat a Big Mac for dessert? How about three? That's the calorie equivalent of this decadent dish. Clearly, Chili's customers get their money's worth.

8. Worst Chinese Entree
P.F. Chang's Pork Lo Mein

1,820 calories
127 g fat
95 g carbs

The fat content in this dish alone provides more than 1,100 calories. And you'd have to eat almost five servings of pasta to match the number of carbohydrates it contains. Now, do you really need five servings of pasta?


7. Worst Chicken Entree
Chili's Honey Chipotle Crispers with Chipotle Sauce

2,040 calories
99 g fat
240 g carbs

"Crispers" refers to an extra-thick layer of bread crumbs that soaks up oil and adds unnecessary calories and carbs to these glorified chicken strips.

6. Worst Fish Entree
On the Border Dos XX Fish Tacos with Rice and Beans

2,100 calories
130 g fat
169 g carbs
4,750 mg sodium

Perhaps the most misleadingly named dish in America: A dozen crunchy tacos from Taco Bell will saddle you with fewer calories.

5. Worst Pizza
Uno Chicago Grill Chicago Classic Deep Dish Pizza

2,310 calories
162 g fat
123 g carbs
4,470 mg sodium

Downing this "personal" pizza is equivalent to eating 18 slices of Domino's Crunchy Thin Crust cheese pizza.

4. Worst Pasta
Macaroni Grill Spaghetti and Meatballs with Meat Sauce

2,430 calories
128 g fat
207 g carbs
5,290 mg sodium

This meal satisfies your calorie requirements for an entire day.

3. Worst Nachos
On the Border Stacked Border Nachos

2,740 calories
166 g fat
191 g carbs
5,280 mg sodium

More fat and sodium than you should be getting in one meal, let alone in a single appetizer.

2. Worst Starter
Chili's Awesome Blossom

2,710 calories
203 g fat
194 g carbs
6,360 mg sodium

It takes a special talent to turn a single oversized onion into the fat equivalent of 67 slices of bacon, but the line cooks at Chili's manage this horrific feat with the help of a thick batter, a calorie-loaded dipping sauce, and a vat of bubbling fat.

1. The Worst Food in America
Outback Steakhouse Aussie Cheese Fries with Ranch Dressing

2,900 calories
182 g fat
240 g carbs

It's the caloric equivalent of eating 14 Krispy Kreme doughnuts, before your dinner arrives. Even if you split this "starter" with 3 friends, you'll have downed a meal's worth of calories.

"splendidly operatic name"

Romano Amadeo Carlo Avogadro, Count of Quarequa and Cerreto


He was the dude that found out two equal volumes of gases of any type, if kept at the same pressure and temperature, will contain identical numbers of molecules.

Thanks Bill Bryson. I never knew Avogadro had such an unwarranted name.

hair randomness

Dharmesh is so funny because he wants Rex to do his hair. Is Rex hot? With a name like Rex, he’s got to be sexy-ish. Or a dinosaur.

And this guy at work told me to get a jerry curl to keep my hair out of my face. Thanks for the hot tip! I'm sure that will be all the rage with white folk like never.

Yoga isms

I was watching Inhale and doing yoga yesterday. It comes on Oxygen Network ... at 6 am so I'd suggest DVRing it and doing yoga, like, later ....
The teacher Steve Ross is hilarious and insightful.

So here were two of his insights that stuck out to me from the show I DVRed.

1. To slow the mind down it is well to slow the breath down. The mind and the breath are interconnected. When the mind is racing, slowing the breath down (especially your exhales) will slow the mind down as well.

- I know what youre thinking. Its either freaking genius! Or *yawn. But its so true. The body hardly ever lies, even when we try to deceive others (egs, saying "oh Im not tired" when you are ... or "Im not upset, honey".)

2. During savasana, Steve Ross asked us (well, not me in particular, but the studio group in CA) if we could find where our body ended and space began. And I couldnt! Steve Ross goes off on this thing about being formless. Growing up, children often pretend to be planes, automobiles, trains, ships. What makes them wrong? And the only truth we know is that we exist, the rest is just belief.

- When your eyes are closed its logical that our perceptions/view of the world change. Then you can go into this even deeper. Think how different the world is with and without sight. Now think about new "senses" you might get when you die. Maybe the world will be our eternal resting place, but we'll just have different senses opened up to us to view the world in a completely different light.

hip hip hooray

I found a new potential. He is tall and cute and funny. When I casually mentioned him to this other girl she goes "oh him? He's weird." And I was secretly like, "well i have a chance."
He seems chatty. And super smart. I was going to say nice but I bet he doesnt realy listen to people when they talk sometimes. But, he still might be nice. I guess it doesnt automatically mean you are a meanie if you kinda ignore people when they talk to you.
I usually go for tall, dark and handsome and he's got two out of three. Which is failing on a test, but in terms of dating - it's like a high B/A-.
The negatives: Like Alicia Keys says, "You dont know my name". Which, technically, he does know my name because we're fake internet friends. But anyways, the likelihood of him asking me on a date is like slim to none. But it might be different because he seems open and Type A-ish. He also seems like he wants to move away from GA. If thats the case, I gotta be freakin fast. And, from my past history, I dont see me being really aggressive. Bc Im not a fighter Im a loveerrrrr.

Sigh. Swoon. I mean, this is all speculation really.

Service Shortcoming

So in Relief Society we were talking about service.

So they asked the "what are ways we can do service?"

And I raised my hand and said, "Well, we can keep our eyes open and look for opportunities."

Sensing everyone was totally unimpressed, I kept going.

"For example,"

(examples are always great because they are so relateable)

(relatable?)

(relate-able?)

"I was shopping last night"

(in WalMart - left that part out. reputation and whatnot.)

"and I saw this little kid"

(Mexican)

"saying 'papa?! papa!?!'. He was clearly lost."

(this is where it gets good because everyone was expecting me to say, "and I bought him an ice cream cone, found his dad and paid off their mortgage!")

"annnnnd I didnt help him. And that was an example of me being presented with an opportunity to serve but I failed."

(I kinda think it would have been funny if I went up to the kid and said, "SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST GOOD LUCK FINDING YOUR PAPPPS!)

So the moral of my story for the weekend. Keep your eyes open for service opportunities.

I bought the Once soundtrack

Okay so this weekend, Im going to Savannah. I wasnt going to go but now I am because I always said I wanted to travel more and what better way to start off than to go to Georgia from Georgia? It kinda sucks because I REALLY wanted to go to The High. But Josh can take me later or I can go with Sarah Beth. I am not particularly fond of Georgia O'Keefe and that would be the exhibit I'd miss. Also there was that GA Force game but I still dont know too many cats at Church and I didnt want to be the person someone had to sit next to.
Well anyways, in Savannah we are going stay at the Hilton. Should be fun?! I am obsessed with trees (not really obsessed, I just think they look pretty) so I should definitely see some new crazy trees in Savannah. My mom, bless her heart, has asked me to go camping with her. Then I told her I couldnt because I was going to Savannah. She responds by encouraging me to go to the strip club to see that transsexual who was in The Midnight of Garden and Evil. My stepdad seconded that motion. I dont care what my aunt says, my mom is awesome.

Last week, Ashley and I ate at Mellow Mushroom and watched Once. Okay can I just say Mellow Mushroom was FABULOUSSS. Even the leftovers were lower case fabulous. Then we watched Once and I just really really liked that movie for some reason. It is most definitely a Just Have Sex Already movie. Definitely. I think I already mentioned that in a previous blog so I'll just stfu now. O wait, I just got an email from Ashley saying "just do it already? pshht more like just kiss already."

Last night Leo came over before Tim got home. Im the worst host ever. I let him in and then sat down and continued watching Alias. I did eventually talk to him though. And he said something about Jennifer Garner being hot.
Real deep conversationalists.

Speaking of real deep conversationalists, I was reading A Short History of Nearly Everything and Im in the dinosaur part (more like the part where they excavated the dinosaurs). So not only did I learn that Isaac Newton was weird but that surveyors and geologists were seriously cutthroat.

Dear grammar nazis, my verb tenses dont match. I know this. And I didnt capitalize Grammar Nazi. Now what?

Once

Wow, just watched another movie to add to my Just Have Sex Already Movie List.

It's called Once.
Great movie.

I am just writing this post to remind me to buy the Once soundtrack.
Oh, and jellyfish jewelry.
And the bacon scarf.

SO COOL IT HURTS!

I think Pepsi and Lucasfilms did some star wars products stuff and these were the rejected ones.

Pretty schweet. I totally would buy like 63% of this stuff.

Cute Bathing suits from Urban Outfittersssszzz

Link to swimsuit

This is cute and a one piece. Looks like it might actually hide a big breakfast!
$98 ... not bad not bad.


Link to swimsuit

This one might make your butt poke out a little bit under the leg opening which is just NOT cute. But I like the top and the open back.
$88.


Link to swimsuit

OMG Im so plain and boring! I love this one too! Its just so ... square.
$88


Link to swimsuit

$88.
Its a panda! The front has stripes on it.


Link to swimsuit.

UH OH! This one is $79.99! That 1 penny deal under $80 must mean its on sale.
I like this one because it shows the parts less likely to be involved in a "muffin top" or "stomach roll". Plus, you could probably wear this to a geometry class lololono.


Link to swimsuit

Yet another $79.99 bathingsuit. The ruching on this suit will probably be very forgiving on a woman's body that had a too great winter time concerning food.

Wow, I sure am talking about ruching and full piece bathing suits today. Must be because of all the Burger King I ate in the off season.

Perfect date

He would have the date all planned out. No "huh? whut am i doing?"
And we would go on this crazy scavenger hunt.
And at the end I would get a prize.
And that prize is this ...



A BACON SCARF!

What says, "hey baby, I want you." more than a bacon scarf?

Bible Fight

Bible Fight

I just got done playing Bible fight and I was Eve and I totally beat Noah.
Oh, and I also got a one way ticket to H E double hockey sticks.

Oh yeah and I found out that 2 of the guys in the lab made much higher scores than me on my SAT. Go Go Gadget Higher Learning.

Forgiveness via Cobb County Government

I owed like $30 and some change for not returning an encyclopedia of philosophy to my local library branch.
Apparently $0.15 a day racks up. Literally and figuratively.
So I asked to speak to the head of the library to talk about this fine. And I got this guy with a speech impediment. He gave me a mild tongue lashing and I smiled and nodded and took his rebuking with the puppy dog eyes the good Lord gave me. And then he kept talking some more and I thought, "well Im certainly paying back the universe because this guy is apparently lonely and this good deed alone is worth 50 in nice dollars." Yeah, something like that.
So 5 minutes spent with this guy saved me $30. Over an hour, that would have been a saving of $360.
The establishment cant bring me down. The Man aint got nothing over Cobb County Central Library.

Well, I took out two books and put an alarm in my phone for when I need to return them so I wont rack up a library fine of 5 bazillion dollars.

I got Lucky Jim and A Short History of Nearly Everything.

I got Lucky Jim because of these two parts

Dixon pretended to himself that he'd pick up his professor round the waist, squeeze the furry grey-blue waistcoat against him to expel the breath, run heavily with him up the steps, along the corridor to the Staff Cloakroom, and plunge the too-small feet in their capless shoes into a lavatory basin, pulling the plug once, twice, and again, stuffing the mouth with toilet paper.

Amis detailing a hangover

Dixon was alive again. Consciousness was upon him before he could get out of the way; not for him the slow, gracious wandering from the halls of sleep, but a summary, forcible ejection. He lay sprawled, too wicked to move, spewed up like a broken spider-crab on the tarry shingle of the morning. The light did him harm, but not as much as looking at things did; he resolved, having done it once, never to move his eyeballs again.

A Short History of Nearly Everything is exceptionally hard to put down. I only planned on reading one chapter last night and I ended up reading four. I mean, why stop at singularity when you can read about supernovas! Its really easy to read layman wise because theres no calculus in it. Calculus will definitely make a book go from hey this doesnt suck to hey this kinda sucks in 2.0 * 10^-34 seconds.

Y'herd?

Black Book

I saw this movie and I actually liked it. The Nazi guy was pretty hot. The girl did some pretty kick A things. I dont know why but I typically like movies about Nazis (whcih is kind of wrong in a way, Im sure). But I liked Schindlers List, LOVED Sophie Scholl, hmmm now that I Think about it - it seems those are the only Nazi movies I've seen.

Anyways, Ashley and I were the only ones who have seen it amongst our Netflix friends.
So I rated it and left this note:

Would have given it five stars but some of the twists got a little too unbelievable. Could have also been 30 minutes shorter. But still, a GREAT movie. Nudity and poop. You've been warned.

I kinda thought more than one person would add it in their queue. But only one person added it! And now I secretly judge this one guy because none of the other Netflix friends thought poop and nudity was a fascinatingly great concept for a movie addition to their queue.

Anyways, Netflix: the reason God invented the intranets.

Fighting consumerism or something like that

Im cleaning out my room really hardcore. Getting rid of all those pesky cool clothes I never wear. I always wear ugly tshirts though. So those will stay. You cant fight who you are and if you like cheap stuff, doggonit, then you should embrace it. But I did get rid of white tshirts that had the yellow pit stains. bc thats just guhhhrosss.

So I cleaned out my dresser and got rid of two target bags worth of stuff.
And then I went through one bin of jeans and got rid of two bags of stuff.
I got rid of some name brand stuff I could have sold at Plato's Closet. Mistakingly I gave them to LeighAnn who says she can fit into my size. I personally think she's a lying liar. So did everyone else in the office.

Anyways, I think that would be really neat if I could have the amount of stuff that a boy had in his room.
Thats my goal.

(I dont know how Im fighting consumerism by not re-wearing my clothes. Seems like Im contributing to the trashy stuff in the Goodwill stores.)

Quick thing I learned about exercising from the atlanta sports mag while I was in the bathroom

3 part lower intensity:1 part high intensity

In terms of cardio stuff.


I seem to always workout on the treadmill and not know how long to run hardcore for. I usually just wait until I get tired and then I look at the treadmill time or calorie burned area and slow down when one of those gets to a nice, round likable number.

capiece?

Im glad I went.

My grandmother's funeral was today.
Dont go to them.
Didnt go to my aunts funeral.
Had "plans" for this Saturday.
Annoyed.
Did my grandmother even like me?
Funeral on Saturday.
Why not on Monday?
I could have gotten off work.
Did I love her? Do I love her?
Saw her.
White casket.
With light pink blankets.
A doll sitting in the casket.
Granny loved dolls.
Twinge.
Do I love her?
Hug relatives.
Am surprisingly happy to hug relatives.
Happy that I am happy.
Funeral starts.
Old old woman sings.
Craggy voice.
Sweet, Southern craggy voice.
I cry.
And cry.
I cry on Mick.
I cry because I care.
I cry because I know I care.
No obituary for my grandmother.
We are the witnesses of her life.
The only living record.
She cared for the elderly.
I remember her telling me to bring dinner over to Pauline.
Sweet Pauline.
With the chair that raised and lowered
For Pauline.
She worked at KFC.
KFC was around then?
Aunt Rose looked great.
We gather round the casket.
I kiss her forehead.
Her cold cold forehead.
And feel warmth.
And outside,
The trees are beautiful.
The sun is shining.
The wind is cool.
A catepillar lands on my skirt.
I see all my relatives.
The ones who I had already sentenced.
I see them cry.
And care.
And love.
I see that I loved too.
I really did love my grandmother.

I cant write what I want to write. So Im writing the experience in shorter terms. So maybe one day I can rewrite it better. But in case I dont, there's something here to remind me of this day. I really didnt think I loved my relatives more than anything beyond duty. And love for the sake of duty, is that really love? But, today, I felt love and concern that wasnt forced. And I felt bad for missing out on Aunt Denise's funeral. And also today, I grieved but it was all refreshing too. I really felt that this life is truly beautiful and wonderful.


A Visitor by Mary Oliver

My father, for example,
who was young once
and blue-eyed,
returns
on the darkest of nights
to the porch and knocks
wildly at the door,
and if I answer
I must be prepared
for his waxy face,
for his lower lip
swollen with bitterness.
And so, for a long time,
I did not answer,
but slept fitfully
between his hours of rapping.
But finally there came the night
when I rose out of my sheets
and stumbled down the hall.
The door fell open

and I knew I was saved
and could bear him,
pathetic and hollow,
with even the least of his dreams
frozen inside him,
and the meanness gone.
And I greeted him and asked him
into the house,
and lit the lamp,
and looked into his blank eyes
in which at last
I saw what a child must love,
I saw what love might have done
had we loved in time.

ADJUSTS TIN FOIL HAT

Okay so yesterday I heard Zoey barking and Im like "OMG STFU DOG". But then I go and peek out my window to see what she’s barking at.

And I see this dude peeking in our mailbox.

Normally, Id be like "whatevvvvv" because we already got our mail (but I was still kinda annoyed because I was like WHAT IF HE’S TRYING TO STEAL OUR NETFLIX??!! I like how I have no initial concern whatsoever for the government rebate checks ....). Anyways, it was just weird because it wasnt a black or mexican dude. But a tall white guy. (I know that sounds racist, but its just not the makeup of our neighborhood. It would be like seeing the Dali Llama in Beijing, it could happen, but its just not going to.). No, its this preppy ass dude looking in our mailbox and just hanging out at the end of the driveway (near MY car probably adding a tracker or cutting the brakes).

So I go outside and the guy is talking on his cellphone and says my roommate’s name and says he’ll talk to him later. (Keep in my mind that my roommate doesnt talk to preppy people). Then I realize Im blatantly staring at the guy (soooo uncouth) so I walk to my car and pretend to get something out of it (quick thinking, dick tracy!). The preppy guy saunters off to his car and drives off.

I talked to my roommate and he said that he wasnt talking to anyone at that time. I’m going to confirm this with my roommate’s cellphone call log and if my roommate doesnt have a message from this dildo that was snooping in our bu’ness, I guess I’ll report him. Or something.

I have some of his driver’s plate number and the description of his car.

Honestly, the guy was in really good shape and kinda hot. Homeland security? NSA? Maybe he’ll come back and waterboard my heart?!

Team Building

It's important to remember that abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into. We become just by performing just actions, temperate by performing temperate actions, brave by performing brave actions. When you can't have what you want, it's time to start wanting what you have. Don't be afraid to take a big step. You can't cross a chasm in two small jumps. A person who follows in another's track leaves no footprints. Thus, the task is not so much to see what no one yet has seen, but to think what nobody yet has thought about that which everybody sees.

Far away in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead. Every step is an end, and every step is a fresh beginning. In fact, the beginning is the most important part of the work.

Leadership is based on inspiration, not domination; on cooperation, not intimidation. The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The Leader adjusts the sails. The important thing in life is not the victory but the contest; the essential thing is not to have won but to have fought well. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them.

It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are. To accomplish great things, we must dream as well as act. And the manner in which one endures what must be endured is more important than the thing that must be endured. There is no failure except in no longer trying. Commitment is the key to unlocking the door to your dreams! You must commit to your goals. Cut the im out of impossible, leading that dynamic word standing out free and clear - possible.

Hope is a waking dream. There is no shortage of good days. It is good lives that are hard to come by. I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by a conscience effort. Life does not have meaning through mere existence or acquisition or fun. The meaning of life is inherent in the connections we make to others through honor and obligation. I may not be a smart man but I know what love is. Love is a wonderful thing. You never have to take it away from one person to give it to another. There's always more than enough to go around. And the greatest gift is a portion of thyself.

Now get on that zip line, Ethel. Get on that zip line and fly.

Future Unsuccesful killer (fark.com Pocket Ninja)

I have a feeling I've met the guy who wrote this blog. He's a skinny little fellow who always sits alone at the lunch table and tells himself that he's better than everyone else and doesn't want their miserable company because they're all such sheeple. Then he finishes his lunch and has to pick up his tray off the floor because some total jerk bumps into him and knocks everything down and all those stupid, stupid SHEEPLE laugh like the stupid SHEEPLE they are. Then, on his way to his locker, that cute girl in his geometry class, which he's only repeating this semester because he was so bored in the last class, I mean, good God, the teacher was such a mouth-breathing sheeple moron, but anyway that cute girl smiles at him from across the hall and his heart starts to beat a little faster even though she's standing beside that total douche of a quarterback who's like, such a mouthbreather, I mean, really, people like that should just be neutered at birth, stupid sheeple, but the girl smiles and so he slows down and pushes his glasses up on his nose and waves but then realizes she wasn't smiling at him but at her loud friend behind him, the one with the platinum blonde hair who's a total whore which is why he's never tried to sleep with her and never would, thank you. And so he turns his wave into brushing lint off his Battlestar Galactica t-shirt, which has totally been signed by the whole cast, and goes to his locker and slams it shut and saunters out of the building to go home and write another blog post because this world just totally sucks and is filled with mouth-breathing sheeple and then he masturbates himself to a teary climax and falls asleep in the warm, sticky comfort of his own spooge.