oh man. if i could, i would move through life at a snail's pace. CHANGE IS SO SCARY.
i am a lot nervous because i replied to an email about teaching yoga at kaiser. this is what i wanted to do, right? i wanted to teach. yeah. thats what i want to do ...
some part of me doesnt want the person to respond so i can be like "well, pshhhht. whatever, i tried."
and i wouldnt be surprised if she didnt respond. in the email, i was basically like ... hey, i am not a ryt. i have never taught. im basically a big loser trying to weasel my way into getting experience and using the people you care about as my crash test dummies.
i even left out the part about me not being insured.
crap crap crap.
even worse, what if she calls me in for an audition?
crap.
May 30, 2008
I definitely want to see Fuerza Bruta perform in NYC (or anywhere).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taBAtxasWto
De La Guarda too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taBAtxasWto
De La Guarda too.
Some hot tips from Groomer Has It
Do not feed your pet the following: chocolate, garlic, onions, nuts, avocado, artificial sweeteners. (I dont get the nut stuff ... because in one of the challenges a groomer got to use peanuts for their dog treat ....?).
Sequins and rhinestones from doggy costumes can be choking hazards.
Never cut a cat whiskers. The whiskers are a cat's sense of touch and balance and assist cats in walking through narrow spaces. (I cut Betsy's whiskers once. Probably why she never jumped on tables or countertops).
Sequins and rhinestones from doggy costumes can be choking hazards.
Never cut a cat whiskers. The whiskers are a cat's sense of touch and balance and assist cats in walking through narrow spaces. (I cut Betsy's whiskers once. Probably why she never jumped on tables or countertops).
Things I learned from Chelsea Handler
Okay so Chelsea Handler had me cracking up laughing.
Here's some of the goods.
Paris Hilton
(No shock here)
Paris Hilton wrote in her blog: I am so excited, we have finally started taping my new show for MTV. I just want to thank you all for sending in your videos and applications. The response was massive and incredible, we had more applicants then any show in history, so that felt really nice that so many people wanted to be apart of it.
So Chelsea was all like - ummm, NO YOU DIDNT. Chelsea was thinking more along the lines of American Idol filling up stadiums.
Rappers like yachts.
Drew Barrymore: 3 marriages/5 balls. And then one of Chelsea's co-hosts did a fantastic imitation of Drew Barrymore by talking out of the side of her mouth (ie, like a stroke victim).
Jenna Jameson wants to have babies. Jenna Jameson says, "I'm following in Angelina's footsteps." News flash: No, you're not. The baby would just fall out. Chelsea said that Jenna should aim lower ... like to follow in Chyna Doll's footsteps. Or Caroline Rhea. One of Chelsea's guy friends said that Jenna was great in First Times at Ridgemont High.
You have no class if you say "classy." Wow, I had no clue. Thanks for the hot tip.
Chelsea wore a yellow tank top. Black leggings that went down to her calves. And these really cute animal print pumps. Thats classy- I mean, hot- I mean, divine.
Padma Lakshmi was Chelsea's guest. Her first name sounds a little Star Wars-ish.
So Chelsea Lately is my new show. Once Project Runway leaves Bravo ... I think E! will overtake it in my Top TV channels list just because of two 30 minute shows (Chelsea Lately and The Soup).
Here's some of the goods.
Paris Hilton
(No shock here)
Paris Hilton wrote in her blog: I am so excited, we have finally started taping my new show for MTV. I just want to thank you all for sending in your videos and applications. The response was massive and incredible, we had more applicants then any show in history, so that felt really nice that so many people wanted to be apart of it.
So Chelsea was all like - ummm, NO YOU DIDNT. Chelsea was thinking more along the lines of American Idol filling up stadiums.
Rappers like yachts.
Drew Barrymore: 3 marriages/5 balls. And then one of Chelsea's co-hosts did a fantastic imitation of Drew Barrymore by talking out of the side of her mouth (ie, like a stroke victim).
Jenna Jameson wants to have babies. Jenna Jameson says, "I'm following in Angelina's footsteps." News flash: No, you're not. The baby would just fall out. Chelsea said that Jenna should aim lower ... like to follow in Chyna Doll's footsteps. Or Caroline Rhea. One of Chelsea's guy friends said that Jenna was great in First Times at Ridgemont High.
You have no class if you say "classy." Wow, I had no clue. Thanks for the hot tip.
Chelsea wore a yellow tank top. Black leggings that went down to her calves. And these really cute animal print pumps. Thats classy- I mean, hot- I mean, divine.
Padma Lakshmi was Chelsea's guest. Her first name sounds a little Star Wars-ish.
So Chelsea Lately is my new show. Once Project Runway leaves Bravo ... I think E! will overtake it in my Top TV channels list just because of two 30 minute shows (Chelsea Lately and The Soup).
cute name
I heard the name Esther and I thought, "wow, thats a nice name. I need to put it in my list of potential baby names."
PRO: It's unique. Who do you see that is still named Esther?
CON: It goes against my 4 letters or less in a name is all you need mantra.
PRO: It's unique. Who do you see that is still named Esther?
CON: It goes against my 4 letters or less in a name is all you need mantra.
Last Comic Standing: Premarital Abstinence
Song about Premarital Abstinence from the Virginity ROCKS guy[s]
Not as funny as Santiri 4 Warrior Alien comedian guy. But still. A force to be reckoned with. I currently hope this duo beats out the twin are they guido guys.
Also, I learned that Last Comic Standing is soooo over dead baby/punching baby jokes. I guess once I start using it in my everyday vernacular ... it's not funny anymore.
I see how it is.
And so you've got a beau now -
A real life solider of God.
He's got a headful of Jesus Christ
And and all state quarterback's bod.
You've reached the age
when its time to get engaged.
You're a nubile princess in a tiger cage.
And he's trying to unlock you with his eager hand.
But you look him in the eye coz you know he'll understand.
You tell him "We're engaged to be married.
Hear the bells go a 'din' and a 'dong'
Let's not jump into bed yet.
For the pants come off ...
When the ring goes onnnnnnnn."
Not as funny as Santiri 4 Warrior Alien comedian guy. But still. A force to be reckoned with. I currently hope this duo beats out the twin are they guido guys.
Also, I learned that Last Comic Standing is soooo over dead baby/punching baby jokes. I guess once I start using it in my everyday vernacular ... it's not funny anymore.
I see how it is.
I NEED LINES
I was driving around in the parking lot of QT and I got all panicky because of the lack of road lines to keep all us cars going in a well-mannered, simple, clear traffic flow. All I want are LINES and LAWS.
TWAS NOT TO BE!
On one side of QT, you have the crap load of gas pumps.
On the other side of QT, there's this big square of wide, open pavement where laws and common sense driving do not apply.
It was a stressful driving experience to get a Dasani. All I'm sayin.
I personally hope that flying cars never come to fruition. It's been said before ... traffic in 2-D is bad enough. I dont need to worry about my bumper, my sides, my front AND THEN my top and bottom of my car.
Flying cars would be a whole lot of suck.
Oh, and I'm also still pretty immature.
Everytime I drive past ABC Recycling, I think of gum. "Already been chewed". Then I apply it to the plastic and metal that ABC Recycling probably receives. Plastic, I can chew on. Metal, ew no. Have you ever stuck your hand in your mouth after you handled pennies? Nothx.
TWAS NOT TO BE!
On one side of QT, you have the crap load of gas pumps.
On the other side of QT, there's this big square of wide, open pavement where laws and common sense driving do not apply.
It was a stressful driving experience to get a Dasani. All I'm sayin.
I personally hope that flying cars never come to fruition. It's been said before ... traffic in 2-D is bad enough. I dont need to worry about my bumper, my sides, my front AND THEN my top and bottom of my car.
Flying cars would be a whole lot of suck.
Oh, and I'm also still pretty immature.
Everytime I drive past ABC Recycling, I think of gum. "Already been chewed". Then I apply it to the plastic and metal that ABC Recycling probably receives. Plastic, I can chew on. Metal, ew no. Have you ever stuck your hand in your mouth after you handled pennies? Nothx.
May 29, 2008
shopping during lunch
I love LOVE working near the mall and shopping centers.
So, today during lunch, we went to Old Navy. And one of my coworkers bought me like 30 bucks worth of clothes. And, in Old Navy money, thats like 3 shirts.
I bought myself earrings, another shirt, and a [hot pink] volleyball. Dont get it twisted about the pink volleyball. Its not Paris Hilton by any means. I think the pink is mixed with some grey tire tread looking graphic. Its kind of Bugle Boy jeans looking. With pink. I want to go in my backyard and practice setting the volleyball to myself. That way, I can keep shifting to stay under the volleyball and then eventually end up tripping over a branch or running into concrete steps.
This birthday has been incredibly fun. I guess a lot of people care about me this year :D (As opposed to my 20th birthday when I think crying and self hatred were involved).
So, today during lunch, we went to Old Navy. And one of my coworkers bought me like 30 bucks worth of clothes. And, in Old Navy money, thats like 3 shirts.
I bought myself earrings, another shirt, and a [hot pink] volleyball. Dont get it twisted about the pink volleyball. Its not Paris Hilton by any means. I think the pink is mixed with some grey tire tread looking graphic. Its kind of Bugle Boy jeans looking. With pink. I want to go in my backyard and practice setting the volleyball to myself. That way, I can keep shifting to stay under the volleyball and then eventually end up tripping over a branch or running into concrete steps.
This birthday has been incredibly fun. I guess a lot of people care about me this year :D (As opposed to my 20th birthday when I think crying and self hatred were involved).
UPDATE
I found the Alien Senteri 4 guy on youtube THANKGOD!
http://youtube.com/user/AlienComedian
Praise the Lord Jesus he has a myspace too??
www.myspace.com/aliencomedian
(oh and he is from Satiri 4. EXCUUUUSE ME.)
http://youtube.com/user/AlienComedian
Praise the Lord Jesus he has a myspace too??
www.myspace.com/aliencomedian
(oh and he is from Satiri 4. EXCUUUUSE ME.)
May 28, 2008
I cant believe this is going to be what I blog about for my 100th blog post.
I could talk about my AWESOME RAFTING B'DAY TRIP!
But I'm going to complain and whine.
I CANT BELIEVE THAT ALIEN GUY FROM SENTERI 4 DIDNT MAKE LAST COMIC STANDING!!
I mean, yeah, he was gimmicky but they let the VIRGINITY Rocks duo in. How gay were they?
Ugh.
The white guy dancing badly was funny too.
But I guess white guys dancing badly really isnt that much of an oddity.
But I'm going to complain and whine.
I CANT BELIEVE THAT ALIEN GUY FROM SENTERI 4 DIDNT MAKE LAST COMIC STANDING!!
I mean, yeah, he was gimmicky but they let the VIRGINITY Rocks duo in. How gay were they?
Ugh.
The white guy dancing badly was funny too.
But I guess white guys dancing badly really isnt that much of an oddity.
can a guy get raped?
that pocket ninja guy ...
It is an intellectual poverty to assume that a man cannot be raped by a woman. Social stereotypes trap us into a narrow, rigid way of thinking, a perspective that does not permit our collective imagination to run beyond the tired, worn scenario of the hapless drunkard, lured home by a seductress, half passed out on the couch while she leans over and licks his neck, unbuckles his belt and pulls his manhood, soft like taffy, from his trousers. "No," he murmurs. "I can't. I respect you too much." But she leans over his lap and attacks him with a carnal hunger, drooling and slobbering while her nails rake red lines across his heaving chest. "No," he murmurs again, but he is powerless. His alcohol-induced weakness has sapped him of the strength required to dismount this temptress from his violated sex. And he can feel himself stiffening, can feel himself, against every fiber of his being, becoming aroused, and then she looses from their lacy confines the pendulous mounds of her breasts, and..
Sorry, sorry. Got distracted. Maybe that's not a good example. A plumber. He's a plumber, and he's come over to fix her pipes, and when she answers the door in a sheer teddy through which he can see the dark, puffy circles of her areolae he stammers and steps back before recovering his professional stance. "Uh, you called about your sink?" he asks, and she smiles slyly and invites him in, trailing one sinuous finger along the soft curve of her neck as she eases shut the door, and she leads him to the kitchen while he forcibly keeps his eyes on the ceiling, which has some water spots. And she points him toward the sink, and as he sets down his toolbox on the table she produces a pink silk scarf from a cabinet. "Do you mind?" she purrs, and he doesn't understand what she's asking him, doesn't even understand what's going on as she slips its cool folds over his wrist, tightens the knot, slips the other end around the towel holder hanging over the sink and tightens it. "What are you doing?" he whispers, but now there's another scarf, and she's wrapping it around his other wrist and tying that to the faucet. And he could break free, could snap those scarves like tissue paper, but he's trapped, frozen there as if bound by Medusa's gaze, and can only watch as she presses her lithe body against his, whimpering like a small bird, her hands roving over his powerful chest and strong legs and caressing his forbidden regions. And she pulls one of her teddy's straps off her shoulder, then the other, and squeezes her own breasts with her hands. "Please," she begs. "Please." And still he's frozen, watching in horror as she unzips his pants, lowers herself to her knees, and..
Ah, damnit. Did it again. Screw it. The guy got lucky.
i've always wondered about this photo
Kevin Carter’s Pulitzer Prize winning photo taken in 1994 during the Sudan famine.
The picture depicts a young starving Sudanese girl being stalked by a vulture. The child is crawling towards a United Nations food camp, located a kilometer away.
No one knows what happened to the girl, including the photographer who left the scene as soon as the photo was taken. He later confided to friends that he wished he had intervened. Journalists at the time were warned never to touch famine victims for fear of disease. However Kevin Carter received criticism from some of his peers: "The man adjusting his lens to take just the right frame of her suffering might just as well be a predator, another vulture on the scene."
Three months later, and only weeks after being bestowed with the Pulitzer Prize, Kevin Carter committed suicide.
pictures
dutch soldiers carrying a fallen comrade through the rain
coming home
nuclear blast shadow
condensation forming when object hits sound barrier
woman hitting a neo nazi sometime during the 1980s
dont quite agree with McCain's 100 more years philos'
Tony Nave hugs a teddy bear after a funeral service for his father, US Marine Major Kevin G Nave, who was killed in Iraq.
The top half of the picture is a kid named Steve saying goodbye to his brother going off to Iraq. The bottom half of the picture is Steve saying goodbye to his brother for the last time.
tons of crapload
we got a lot of raw material in today. and we usually say, "O man, there's a crapload of it out there". Or "we have tons of it out there".
but today, we really do have tons of it out there. 10 tons to be exact.
which brings me to a crapload. how much is it? how do you quantitatively measure that? volume? or mass?
perhaps a crapload has been sitting out there in the warehouse.
perhaps not.
dont get me started on analyzing craploads any further.
but today, we really do have tons of it out there. 10 tons to be exact.
which brings me to a crapload. how much is it? how do you quantitatively measure that? volume? or mass?
perhaps a crapload has been sitting out there in the warehouse.
perhaps not.
dont get me started on analyzing craploads any further.
you make sense of it.
Big whirls have little whirls
That feed on their velocity
Little whirls have lesser whirls
And so on to viscosity.
L.F. Richardson.
That feed on their velocity
Little whirls have lesser whirls
And so on to viscosity.
L.F. Richardson.
May 24, 2008
wow, so i can get the ow sunburn. i havent had one of those in awhile but it seems to progressively have gotten worse as i've been chillin and watching netflix movies.
okay so im going to masquerade tonight. in shorts. white shorts, white shirt. i feel like i'm going to a p-diddy party bc of the whiteness. anyways, im sure it will be disasterous bc im wearing pink underwear. and my shorts are pretty see through. but its dark in there.
oh yeah, and my clothes are still tight on me. so i hope i dont have a muffin top bc that would be nastay.
i asked ashley if she liked the guy that came from utah to see her ... and she says 'yeahhh.' he was right beside her so couldnt really go into more detail than that! he's balding like dustin so i had to make fun of ash about that. 2 in a row means something. she's weird. liking period piece movies and balding guys and all that.
okay and at the pool, I CAN DIVE I BELIEVE I CAN TOUCH THE SKY! I THINK ABOUT IT EVERY NIGHT AND DAY! JUST SPREAD MY WINGS AND DIVE AWAY! I BELIEVE I CAN SOAR ALL THE WAY TO THE OCEEAAN FLLLOOOOOO-OOOR. I BELIEVE I CAN DIVE. I BELIEVEEEE. i believe i can dive. (sung to the tune of R. Kelly's I Believe I Can Fly).
Still dont know how to jump off the diving board without holding my nose.
Details @ 11.
okay so im going to masquerade tonight. in shorts. white shorts, white shirt. i feel like i'm going to a p-diddy party bc of the whiteness. anyways, im sure it will be disasterous bc im wearing pink underwear. and my shorts are pretty see through. but its dark in there.
oh yeah, and my clothes are still tight on me. so i hope i dont have a muffin top bc that would be nastay.
i asked ashley if she liked the guy that came from utah to see her ... and she says 'yeahhh.' he was right beside her so couldnt really go into more detail than that! he's balding like dustin so i had to make fun of ash about that. 2 in a row means something. she's weird. liking period piece movies and balding guys and all that.
okay and at the pool, I CAN DIVE I BELIEVE I CAN TOUCH THE SKY! I THINK ABOUT IT EVERY NIGHT AND DAY! JUST SPREAD MY WINGS AND DIVE AWAY! I BELIEVE I CAN SOAR ALL THE WAY TO THE OCEEAAN FLLLOOOOOO-OOOR. I BELIEVE I CAN DIVE. I BELIEVEEEE. i believe i can dive. (sung to the tune of R. Kelly's I Believe I Can Fly).
Still dont know how to jump off the diving board without holding my nose.
Details @ 11.
SummerTime ! # @ * !
Today I layed out by the pool for the first time of the summer season. Ash and I got sun another time but I dont think a pool was involved so that clearly doesnt count.
When we left, Ash had redness all on her shoulders. I think I got darker a little all over. But I dont think Im sunburnt or anything.
Then I went home and took Zoey for a walk. Well, Zoey walked. I rode my bike. That should tire her out. She was really bad about stopping all of a sudden and snapping her mouth at little things (think they are called bugs?). But I am a supremely awesome bundle of coordination so we were able to not die. For Zoey to be such a mid/large sized dog, she sure doesnt hustle and run. She kind of trots. I would think she really wouldnt like me walking her bc Im always yanking her leash. And we let her outside sometimes and she roams and does her own little thing. But everytime I grab the leash, she comes up to me and sits down immediately. Real happy like.
And I think I will look better than average in a bathing suit once I lose 10 lbs. Well, I look better than average already seeing how the average american woman is like 5'4" and like 170 lbs or something.
SO EXCITED FOR SUMMER! YAY. I am such a loser but I think I will get a SP to White Water. On weekends I can walk across the street and go get a tan. Cool off in the water just to get hot again when I walk back to the house.
Also watched a horrible Netflix movie last night. Hard Candy? It had that annoying girl from Juno in it (pregnant girl with the annoying voice). And she was 14 and had captured this guy she met online and tied him up and kept being really, for lack of better terms, ANNOYING. I wanted him to get free and punch her in the face.
Okay rambling! Yay!
When we left, Ash had redness all on her shoulders. I think I got darker a little all over. But I dont think Im sunburnt or anything.
Then I went home and took Zoey for a walk. Well, Zoey walked. I rode my bike. That should tire her out. She was really bad about stopping all of a sudden and snapping her mouth at little things (think they are called bugs?). But I am a supremely awesome bundle of coordination so we were able to not die. For Zoey to be such a mid/large sized dog, she sure doesnt hustle and run. She kind of trots. I would think she really wouldnt like me walking her bc Im always yanking her leash. And we let her outside sometimes and she roams and does her own little thing. But everytime I grab the leash, she comes up to me and sits down immediately. Real happy like.
And I think I will look better than average in a bathing suit once I lose 10 lbs. Well, I look better than average already seeing how the average american woman is like 5'4" and like 170 lbs or something.
SO EXCITED FOR SUMMER! YAY. I am such a loser but I think I will get a SP to White Water. On weekends I can walk across the street and go get a tan. Cool off in the water just to get hot again when I walk back to the house.
Also watched a horrible Netflix movie last night. Hard Candy? It had that annoying girl from Juno in it (pregnant girl with the annoying voice). And she was 14 and had captured this guy she met online and tied him up and kept being really, for lack of better terms, ANNOYING. I wanted him to get free and punch her in the face.
Okay rambling! Yay!
May 23, 2008
Note to self: dont look so gay
Christy (a coworker) and I went to the mall during lunch today.
I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I totally looked like a lesbian! It was nasty!
I think it was the fact that Christy always looks so cute and dresses in pink when she goes to work. ANd then I have to wear pants and tennis shoes because I work in the lab (pants and tennis shoes - the minimal PPE, I guess).
So Christy - pink, hoop earrings, makeup, long blonde straight hair.
Niki - baggy pants, tennis shoes (my brown ones), a black army shirt, and my hair in a low ponytail.
I might have well had my arms around Christy or something. Ugh, I was just hideous today.
- Oh and Tim is going kayaking ...will probably turn on the AC some when Im at home bc Zoey pants really loud inside the house so its really for his dog, y'know?
- 12 people are going on my rafting b'day trip! They like me they really like me! (even though 2 of the 12 are significant others and 1 of the 12 is me and shouldnt count). I kinda hope someone is like "I cant come" so Sharon can come.
- Umm, still poor for the next 2 weeks. I am hoping I can spend 60 bucks on clothes though to satisfy my shopping needs till June 6. When I will have money again.
- Amy totally better come to church on Sunday. Flavio will be in Savannah and that will leave me all by myself (singing: dont wanna be all by myselfff anymore!!!)
sing it celine.
- funny stuff from ldslinkup.
Here's a link about settling so you can get married.
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200803/single-marry
And the question that I read which led me to originally post this bullet in the first place: Is it as big of a deal when really unattractive people are able to maintain their virginity? GOOD ONE.
I posted something about 4 feet tall girls dating 6 feet tall guys and that got a lot of girls mad. I was just kidding. But its SO TRUE. OMG. Just the uproar about that one comment clearly shows the prevalence of short girls dating really tall guys! ITS LOGISTICS LADIES!! MECHANICALLY ITS JUST NOT OPTIMAL!! And its selfish because it lowers the dating pool for tall girls like me. Now tall girls have to date the Poindexters and Cletus's. Thanks short girls. Thanks a lot.
Dont even start me on the gingers. Ugh.
I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I totally looked like a lesbian! It was nasty!
I think it was the fact that Christy always looks so cute and dresses in pink when she goes to work. ANd then I have to wear pants and tennis shoes because I work in the lab (pants and tennis shoes - the minimal PPE, I guess).
So Christy - pink, hoop earrings, makeup, long blonde straight hair.
Niki - baggy pants, tennis shoes (my brown ones), a black army shirt, and my hair in a low ponytail.
I might have well had my arms around Christy or something. Ugh, I was just hideous today.
- Oh and Tim is going kayaking ...will probably turn on the AC some when Im at home bc Zoey pants really loud inside the house so its really for his dog, y'know?
- 12 people are going on my rafting b'day trip! They like me they really like me! (even though 2 of the 12 are significant others and 1 of the 12 is me and shouldnt count). I kinda hope someone is like "I cant come" so Sharon can come.
- Umm, still poor for the next 2 weeks. I am hoping I can spend 60 bucks on clothes though to satisfy my shopping needs till June 6. When I will have money again.
- Amy totally better come to church on Sunday. Flavio will be in Savannah and that will leave me all by myself (singing: dont wanna be all by myselfff anymore!!!)
sing it celine.
- funny stuff from ldslinkup.
Here's a link about settling so you can get married.
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200803/single-marry
And the question that I read which led me to originally post this bullet in the first place: Is it as big of a deal when really unattractive people are able to maintain their virginity? GOOD ONE.
I posted something about 4 feet tall girls dating 6 feet tall guys and that got a lot of girls mad. I was just kidding. But its SO TRUE. OMG. Just the uproar about that one comment clearly shows the prevalence of short girls dating really tall guys! ITS LOGISTICS LADIES!! MECHANICALLY ITS JUST NOT OPTIMAL!! And its selfish because it lowers the dating pool for tall girls like me. Now tall girls have to date the Poindexters and Cletus's. Thanks short girls. Thanks a lot.
Dont even start me on the gingers. Ugh.
Full Throttle update
So I didnt go to sleep until FOUR AM in the morning! Thats a whole hecka lot of suck.
I dont know how Ash gets so much play off of ldslinkup. That is just weird seeing how she doesnt even go to, or even like, the LDS church that much. It just adds further evidence to my bag of evidence that spirituality/LDSness seems to be low on the totem pole of what LDS guys want.
Oh and the Mentadent. GIve me a break. The white part is coming out of the right side now, but only every other brush. So not getting both active ingredients during every brushing. Suck.
I dont know how Ash gets so much play off of ldslinkup. That is just weird seeing how she doesnt even go to, or even like, the LDS church that much. It just adds further evidence to my bag of evidence that spirituality/LDSness seems to be low on the totem pole of what LDS guys want.
Oh and the Mentadent. GIve me a break. The white part is coming out of the right side now, but only every other brush. So not getting both active ingredients during every brushing. Suck.
Dear diabetics with Medicare.
You guys get a lot of commercials.
I dont know if its because you are a profitable group to accost. A gullible group to accost. Or if they know you guys just watch a lot of tv.
I dont know if its because you are a profitable group to accost. A gullible group to accost. Or if they know you guys just watch a lot of tv.
May 22, 2008
Braves won!
Note to self: do not drink Full Throttle and hour before you need to be asleep in bed. Even if they are free.
Okay Braves won! WOOHOO!
We made fun of Dharmesh because he has this tendency to say "F*ck you" and the F word is really high pitched and the You part is really long and normal sounding. Like "F*ck YOUUUUUUUUUUU." I can demonstrate if it doesnt make sense. I'll say "bless YOUUUUUUU" or "thank YOUUUUUUUU" instead.
Oh, and I also noticed that Dharmesh is like an adult version of that kid who always verbalizes what you did wrong. I accidentally hit my windshied washers while changing the song on the CD and I say to myself, "Oh that was embarassing" and Dharmesh goes, "What? When you turned on your windshield wipers?" YES DHARMESH THANKS FOR POINTING THAT OUT!!
He left his camera in my car. ... I think Julia needs her picture taken!! HUGS XOXOX
At the Braves game, there was a kid, as Wesley put it, "whose balls need to drop". He had a really high pitched umm, I dont even know what you would call it. Yell? Screech? Woman dying? Yowl?
And I asked this guy a quick question about his camera and then the guy just kept pointing out all the various ways his camera was awesome at 30 minute intervals throughout the game.
Nice.
Okay Braves won! WOOHOO!
We made fun of Dharmesh because he has this tendency to say "F*ck you" and the F word is really high pitched and the You part is really long and normal sounding. Like "F*ck YOUUUUUUUUUUU." I can demonstrate if it doesnt make sense. I'll say "bless YOUUUUUUU" or "thank YOUUUUUUUU" instead.
Oh, and I also noticed that Dharmesh is like an adult version of that kid who always verbalizes what you did wrong. I accidentally hit my windshied washers while changing the song on the CD and I say to myself, "Oh that was embarassing" and Dharmesh goes, "What? When you turned on your windshield wipers?" YES DHARMESH THANKS FOR POINTING THAT OUT!!
He left his camera in my car. ... I think Julia needs her picture taken!! HUGS XOXOX
At the Braves game, there was a kid, as Wesley put it, "whose balls need to drop". He had a really high pitched umm, I dont even know what you would call it. Yell? Screech? Woman dying? Yowl?
And I asked this guy a quick question about his camera and then the guy just kept pointing out all the various ways his camera was awesome at 30 minute intervals throughout the game.
Nice.
white water rafting
Wow, that turned out more complicated than it should have been. I'm doing a dangerous game of "will the charge go through before my deposit?" with my debit card. ... I even called Wachovia and the woman was like "Girl, you should be fine". Whew. Or maybe I should be scared. That could be HER LITTLE PLOY!
What makes it so bad is the whole money aspect of it. The Ocoee rafting people are like "all the reservations have to be on the same credit card or you guys probably wont be together". So it just puts broke ass me and ashley in awkward positions. Especially because we need the money. And its annoying because some of my friends (including myself) are last minute and now they cant go because everything is pretty much locked in. Let's not get into the carpooling dynamics right now. I have to ride with SBZ because she doesnt really know anyone else going! And then Chip and his bf are coming. And I dont think SBZ knows too many gay people.
But she might.
I mean, I might get uncomfortable if I see them showing signs of affection! EW! Chip is almost like my parents or something. I dont want to see him making out, much less with a member of the same sex.
Oh, and the rafting people were like, "yeah since its a nonrefundable trip, most people dont cancel reservations." And I just wanted to say, "No sh*t, Sherlock" and proceed to hit my head on my desk.
So I'm sure I will let you know how this goes!
But if a person flakes out, I might have a few people in waiting that would take their place (and PAY ME BACK??!!).
What makes it so bad is the whole money aspect of it. The Ocoee rafting people are like "all the reservations have to be on the same credit card or you guys probably wont be together". So it just puts broke ass me and ashley in awkward positions. Especially because we need the money. And its annoying because some of my friends (including myself) are last minute and now they cant go because everything is pretty much locked in. Let's not get into the carpooling dynamics right now. I have to ride with SBZ because she doesnt really know anyone else going! And then Chip and his bf are coming. And I dont think SBZ knows too many gay people.
But she might.
I mean, I might get uncomfortable if I see them showing signs of affection! EW! Chip is almost like my parents or something. I dont want to see him making out, much less with a member of the same sex.
Oh, and the rafting people were like, "yeah since its a nonrefundable trip, most people dont cancel reservations." And I just wanted to say, "No sh*t, Sherlock" and proceed to hit my head on my desk.
So I'm sure I will let you know how this goes!
But if a person flakes out, I might have a few people in waiting that would take their place (and PAY ME BACK??!!).
netflix.
http://news.cnet.com/8301-10784_3-9947582-7.html
I think this is a box that you hook up to your tv and you'll be able to watch the streaming videos from Netflix.
I dont know how awesome it is. But seeing how it came from Netflix, I'm going to say it has to be at least kind of awesome.
I think this is a box that you hook up to your tv and you'll be able to watch the streaming videos from Netflix.
I dont know how awesome it is. But seeing how it came from Netflix, I'm going to say it has to be at least kind of awesome.
May 21, 2008
broke
how awesome is life?
I have $2.01 in my checking account. Until Friday.
Suck.
I havent been this poor in over a year.
I had to pay out like $1000 for my insurance and then I bought my bike for another $500, all in the same month.
The insurance I HAD to pay. And the bike was a last minute, ill thought out purchase. But I didnt want to wait until like June to buy my bike. Then I would have had to learn all my commuting things during July. The hottest month ever. I'm okay with being broke for 3 days. I can deal.
Even though Im broke:
tonight - going to SBZ's house and watching a movie/eating asparagus.
thursday - going to a braves game with my parents and assley.
and i need money this week why?
friday i'll probably watch a netflix with ashley ... so its not like i'll need money that day either.
oh and on saturday assley and i are going to the pool to get some super sun.
i think that i'm going to get really bad farmer tan from commuting though. on the weather channel, they said that today we'd have a high UV index. like there's too much awesomeness of sun. i believe that lack of sun contributes to depression. so the sun makes me happy until i get cancer.
okay and the sun and cancer just got me thinking about sunblock, which leads me to insect repellant. Over at the terry's house, they had the awesomest insect repellant ever! It seriously smelled like lotion I would buy from bath and body works.
this is all.
I have $2.01 in my checking account. Until Friday.
Suck.
I havent been this poor in over a year.
I had to pay out like $1000 for my insurance and then I bought my bike for another $500, all in the same month.
The insurance I HAD to pay. And the bike was a last minute, ill thought out purchase. But I didnt want to wait until like June to buy my bike. Then I would have had to learn all my commuting things during July. The hottest month ever. I'm okay with being broke for 3 days. I can deal.
Even though Im broke:
tonight - going to SBZ's house and watching a movie/eating asparagus.
thursday - going to a braves game with my parents and assley.
and i need money this week why?
friday i'll probably watch a netflix with ashley ... so its not like i'll need money that day either.
oh and on saturday assley and i are going to the pool to get some super sun.
i think that i'm going to get really bad farmer tan from commuting though. on the weather channel, they said that today we'd have a high UV index. like there's too much awesomeness of sun. i believe that lack of sun contributes to depression. so the sun makes me happy until i get cancer.
okay and the sun and cancer just got me thinking about sunblock, which leads me to insect repellant. Over at the terry's house, they had the awesomest insect repellant ever! It seriously smelled like lotion I would buy from bath and body works.
this is all.
opening day genesis
Speaking about how much soccer sucks, I got free tickets to the braves game from one of my bosses at work.
In honor of them giving me the honor of having the honor of attending a braves baseball game here is something i stole from the internet.
By Glenn Birkemeier
In honor of them giving me the honor of having the honor of attending a braves baseball game here is something i stole from the internet.
In the big inning, God created Heaven on Earth. And it was without form, and void. God separated the dirt from the grass. He called the grass Outfield and the dirt He called Infield. God made the Infield a 90-foot square and the Outfield not less than 400 feet to center and 320 feet down the lines. He declared this Fair Territory. All other territory, God then declared, was Foul.
And God divided the players into two teams of nine players each, under direction of a manager, to play The Game on His field. God called some of these players Pitchers and some of them Hitters. He placed a Pitcher precisely 60 feet 6 inches from a Hitter. Then God commanded that it's one, two, three strikes you're out at the ol' Ballgame.
And God granted jurisdiction of The Game to lesser Gods, whom He called Umpires. God said the Umpires are infallible, blessed with Heavenly authority, whose judgment is not to be questioned under penalty of expulsion from The Game. And God looked at his creation and He was pleased. Then God created the Infield Fly Rule to confuse nonbelievers.
And God said, Let there be light beer, and there was. And, God said, let there be peanuts and hot dogs and overpriced souvenirs and let there be frosty chocolate malts with little wooden spoons that you can buy nowhere else except at this Heaven, which God called a Ballpark, and there was. God looked at His creation and it was good.
And the Lord God formed, from the dust, a collection of elite players in His own image. The Lord God then breathed the breath of life into His creation. God called this creation the National League.
And God said, It is not good for the National League to be alone. The Lord God shall make it a mate. And thus, while the National League slept, God took several of its top players and created the American League.
And God blessed The Game, saying, Be fruitful and multiply. Put teams in every city with deserving fans, God added, even if this occurs at the expense of starting-pitching depth.
From time to time, God understood, The Game would be corrupted by the Serpent. The Serpent was more cunning than any other beast and he would take many wicked forms: the Black Sox,segregation, the Designated Hitter, the Reserve Clause, dead balls, juiced balls, spit balls, corked bats, George Steinbrenner, AstroTurf, the 1981 strike, collusion, lockouts, Pete Rose, the 1994 strike, greenies, cocaine, HGH, Andro, steroids, $20 parking, corporate mallparks, Scott Boras, Donald Fehr, and Bud Selig.
But, God said, the goodness in The Game shall always prevail. As needed, the Lord shall bestow upon The Game a Savior. And the Savior, like the Serpent, can take many forms. The Savior shall remind Fans how blessed The Game truly is. The Savior shall be called by many names, including Cy, Matty, Honus, Big Train, the Babe, Wrigley Field, Fenway Park, Lou Gehrig, Branch Rickey, Jackie Robinson, Buck O'Neil, Hank Greenberg, Red Barber, Harry Carey, Vin Scully, Jack Buck, Satchel Paige, Bill Veeck, Roberto Clemente, Ernie Banks, Hammerin' Hank, Cool Papa, Dizzy, Lefty, Whitey, Stan the Man, Big Klu, the Say Hey Kid, Campy, Duke, the Mick, the Splendid Splinter, the Gas House Gang, the Big Red Machine, the Damn Yankees, Pudge Fisk, Pudge Rodriguez, Yaz, Pops, the Wizard of Oz, Fernando, George Brett, Moonlight Graham, Roy Hobbs, Wild Thing Vaughn, Bingo Long, the Ryan Express, Donnie Baseball,
Rickey, Eck, the Big Unit, the Cactus League, Cal Ripken, Tony Gwynn, Camden Yards, Rotisserie Drafts, Web Gems, Derek Jeter, Dontrelle Willis, Vlad Guerrero, and, from the Far East, Ichiro. And, God guaranteed, there are many more to come.
God looked upon His creation and He was very pleased. And God spoke, yelling, PLAY BALL!
By Glenn Birkemeier
soccer.
Im sorry but soccer sucks. I'm never going to play it no matter what. I have had too many pieces of sports equipment hit me in the head. I certainly dont need to throw a soccer ball in the mix.
I even made a scientific Excel chart to show how stupid soccer is.
Oh and we had free food at work today.
Thank you affluent visitors who visited our job today and made us bring catering. I felt like a vulture though ... running to the conference room to feed off of their scraps.
I even made a scientific Excel chart to show how stupid soccer is.
Oh and we had free food at work today.
Thank you affluent visitors who visited our job today and made us bring catering. I felt like a vulture though ... running to the conference room to feed off of their scraps.
You can be a winner at the game of Life.
OMG This guy visiting our company came into my office and told me about what he does at his job. Its like WAY cooler than what I do. But I dont think he gets to get on facebook like me. But he can afford a spa/sauna thing. So I think HE WINS.
Oh. And I love this picture for people's birthdays.
It is just not getting unfunny.
Oh. And I love this picture for people's birthdays.
It is just not getting unfunny.
What is this from? Life of Brian?
REG: Agreed. Francis?
FRANCIS: Yeah. I think Judith's point of view is very valid, Reg, provided the Movement never forgets that it is the inalienable right of every man--
STAN: Or woman.
FRANCIS: Or woman... to rid himself--
STAN: Or herself.
FRANCIS: Or herself.
REG: Agreed.
FRANCIS: Thank you, brother.
STAN: Or sister.
FRANCIS: Or sister. Where was I?
REG: I think you'd finished.
FRANCIS: Oh. Right.
REG: Furthermore, it is the birthright of every man--
STAN: Or woman.
REG: Why don't you shut up about women, Stan. You're putting us off.
STAN: Women have a perfect right to play a part in our movement, Reg.
FRANCIS: Why are you always on about women, Stan?
STAN: I want to be one.
REG: What?
STAN: I want to be a woman. From now on, I want you all to call me 'Loretta'.
REG: What?!
LORETTA: It's my right as a man.
JUDITH: Well, why do you want to be Loretta, Stan?
LORETTA: I want to have babies.
REG: You want to have babies?!
LORETTA: It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.
REG: But... you can't have babies.
LORETTA: Don't you oppress me.
REG: I'm not oppressing you, Stan. You haven't got a womb! Where's the foetus going to gestate?! You going to keep it in a box?!
LORETTA: [crying]
JUDITH: Here! I-- I've got an idea. Suppose you agree that he can't actually have babies, not having a womb, which is nobody's fault, not even the Romans', but that he can have the right to have babies.
FRANCIS: Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother. Sister. Sorry.
REG: What's the point?
FRANCIS: What?
REG: What's the point of fighting for his right to have babies when he can't have babies?!
FRANCIS: It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression.
REG: Symbolic of his struggle against reality.
FRANCIS: Yeah. I think Judith's point of view is very valid, Reg, provided the Movement never forgets that it is the inalienable right of every man--
STAN: Or woman.
FRANCIS: Or woman... to rid himself--
STAN: Or herself.
FRANCIS: Or herself.
REG: Agreed.
FRANCIS: Thank you, brother.
STAN: Or sister.
FRANCIS: Or sister. Where was I?
REG: I think you'd finished.
FRANCIS: Oh. Right.
REG: Furthermore, it is the birthright of every man--
STAN: Or woman.
REG: Why don't you shut up about women, Stan. You're putting us off.
STAN: Women have a perfect right to play a part in our movement, Reg.
FRANCIS: Why are you always on about women, Stan?
STAN: I want to be one.
REG: What?
STAN: I want to be a woman. From now on, I want you all to call me 'Loretta'.
REG: What?!
LORETTA: It's my right as a man.
JUDITH: Well, why do you want to be Loretta, Stan?
LORETTA: I want to have babies.
REG: You want to have babies?!
LORETTA: It's every man's right to have babies if he wants them.
REG: But... you can't have babies.
LORETTA: Don't you oppress me.
REG: I'm not oppressing you, Stan. You haven't got a womb! Where's the foetus going to gestate?! You going to keep it in a box?!
LORETTA: [crying]
JUDITH: Here! I-- I've got an idea. Suppose you agree that he can't actually have babies, not having a womb, which is nobody's fault, not even the Romans', but that he can have the right to have babies.
FRANCIS: Good idea, Judith. We shall fight the oppressors for your right to have babies, brother. Sister. Sorry.
REG: What's the point?
FRANCIS: What?
REG: What's the point of fighting for his right to have babies when he can't have babies?!
FRANCIS: It is symbolic of our struggle against oppression.
REG: Symbolic of his struggle against reality.
how fun is excercise?
Okay if I commute every day to work ... with my NEW commute time of 47 minutes ... thats like an hour and a half of cardio each day. Thats training for the Olympics fitness right there. I wont ever have to go to the gym again.
Bike commute
Hey so I cut 6 minutes off my bike commute. Instead of taking 53 minutes, it only ("only" being quite a relative term) took me 47 minutes. Thursday and Friday has a chance of rain, so Im probably not going to risk riding in thunder and lightning. I dont need any NDE thankyouverymuch. But if I watch The Weather Channel (local on the eights!) sometimes they give you a rundown of what things are going to look like (weather wise) (man Im using a lot of parenthesis) around 8 am noon 5 pm and 8 pm. Something like those times. And if things look clear up until 5 pm, IM GOLD (that means I am good to ride that day). Oh and I also rode listening to my iPod. FIRST TIME. So coach! I can listen to music and still hear cars whizz by! I mean, this is fanfreakintastic! I just have crap headphones that fall out of my ear sometimes. But I use them since they're longer than my iPod headphones.
Anyways. I think to commute to work, I need to be in better shape. So if I dont go commute Thursday or Friday, I must go to the gym. I can take Friday off and do yoga Saturday and Sunday. The reason why I wouldnt bike commute on Thursday and Friday is because it's supposed to rain. Falling and hurting myself is hard enough when you're dry.
Blood, sweat, tears? You think thats bad, try blood, sweat, tears, and rain.
Are you asleep yet?
Brenda was talking about how she looked dorky bike commuting. I dont think she gets that everyone looks dorky bike commuting. Especially if you do it properly. Helmet. Lycra. Bookbag. Blinky reflectors. I need a big orange triangle with reflector strips on the back and Im set.
Ugh, one vent for this morning. A driver didnt turn on her blinker. She was coming up behind me and I was about to cross over a driveway. And I saw the car slowing down BUT SHE DIDNT HAVE HER BLINKER ON!! What am I a mind reader? Use your blinker thats what its for! At least give me the opportunity to prevent you from running me over. I shouldnt have been on the sidewalk, but that street is just way to busy and I have yet to grow balls so I ride on the sidewalk during this particular part of the commute.
Oh and when I WAS on the road, it seems there was a lot more people driving past me all aggressively. I could literally see this one black lady's eyes roll as she passed me. I HAVE RIGHTS TOO!
OH YEAH! Amy is coming to church with me on Sunday! Yay! She used to always teach primary and then she got all pregnant so its not like I've had the opportunity to go to church with her for a long time. And when I was living with her, I think I was working a lot at Six Flags Over Georgia (ie, on Sundays).
So yay! Amy said something about all the "hot men" there. No comment!
Anyways. I think to commute to work, I need to be in better shape. So if I dont go commute Thursday or Friday, I must go to the gym. I can take Friday off and do yoga Saturday and Sunday. The reason why I wouldnt bike commute on Thursday and Friday is because it's supposed to rain. Falling and hurting myself is hard enough when you're dry.
Blood, sweat, tears? You think thats bad, try blood, sweat, tears, and rain.
Are you asleep yet?
Brenda was talking about how she looked dorky bike commuting. I dont think she gets that everyone looks dorky bike commuting. Especially if you do it properly. Helmet. Lycra. Bookbag. Blinky reflectors. I need a big orange triangle with reflector strips on the back and Im set.
Ugh, one vent for this morning. A driver didnt turn on her blinker. She was coming up behind me and I was about to cross over a driveway. And I saw the car slowing down BUT SHE DIDNT HAVE HER BLINKER ON!! What am I a mind reader? Use your blinker thats what its for! At least give me the opportunity to prevent you from running me over. I shouldnt have been on the sidewalk, but that street is just way to busy and I have yet to grow balls so I ride on the sidewalk during this particular part of the commute.
Oh and when I WAS on the road, it seems there was a lot more people driving past me all aggressively. I could literally see this one black lady's eyes roll as she passed me. I HAVE RIGHTS TOO!
OH YEAH! Amy is coming to church with me on Sunday! Yay! She used to always teach primary and then she got all pregnant so its not like I've had the opportunity to go to church with her for a long time. And when I was living with her, I think I was working a lot at Six Flags Over Georgia (ie, on Sundays).
So yay! Amy said something about all the "hot men" there. No comment!
May 20, 2008
too many apples
i have apple pains in my chest.
i used sarah beth's costco card to buy fruit. because i bought apples in bulk, i feel like i have to eat two apples a day so they dont get old.
i used sarah beth's costco card to buy fruit. because i bought apples in bulk, i feel like i have to eat two apples a day so they dont get old.
the safety of no one reading.
John might read my blog now. By all accounts I have been the only one reading my blog. Because I have like maybe 4 profile views more than actual blogs I've written (I've already gone through this math in a previous blog so I wont bore myself with it again. Especially since I know how my mind thinks and how I will try to use dimensional analysis to subtract two numbers).
So I was checking out my blog and saw that my previous blog had the word gynecologist in it. I just wrote the damn thing today and I've already forgotten I wrote it there.
And now John will think I'm intimately in tune with what goes on at a gynecologist's office. THIS IS NOT THE CASE. I've never even gone to that kind of doctor. I hardly ever go to the doctor. Why would I go if I feel fine? They will say I need medicine and the next thing you know I'll be taking some allergy medicine for the rest of my life!
And since John might read my blog I cant write about how I started wiping while I was towards the end of my peeing and it kinda soaked the toilet paper and the paper ripped while I was wiping.
WHERE CAN I VOICE THESE STORIES? IS THE WORLD NOT SECURE AND SAFE?
PS I know guys start packing up before they are done. I'm assuming this is where the spray tinkles come from.
So I was checking out my blog and saw that my previous blog had the word gynecologist in it. I just wrote the damn thing today and I've already forgotten I wrote it there.
And now John will think I'm intimately in tune with what goes on at a gynecologist's office. THIS IS NOT THE CASE. I've never even gone to that kind of doctor. I hardly ever go to the doctor. Why would I go if I feel fine? They will say I need medicine and the next thing you know I'll be taking some allergy medicine for the rest of my life!
And since John might read my blog I cant write about how I started wiping while I was towards the end of my peeing and it kinda soaked the toilet paper and the paper ripped while I was wiping.
WHERE CAN I VOICE THESE STORIES? IS THE WORLD NOT SECURE AND SAFE?
PS I know guys start packing up before they are done. I'm assuming this is where the spray tinkles come from.
bad times to laugh
Most people might think I will say something like "funerals". But I think funerals are a fine time to laugh.
I think a bad time to laugh would be at a gynecologist's office during an exam.
Could you imagine letting out a giggle? If you had a guy raper gynecologist, this would mean you came onto him. And he'd be all over you in a heartbeat.
If it were a woman, I think she might hope the metal was too cold or something.
Regardless, if you laugh during a pectal exam, then you ARE MOST DEFINITELY A FREAK AND NEED TO SEEK COUNSELING.
I think a bad time to laugh would be at a gynecologist's office during an exam.
Could you imagine letting out a giggle? If you had a guy raper gynecologist, this would mean you came onto him. And he'd be all over you in a heartbeat.
If it were a woman, I think she might hope the metal was too cold or something.
Regardless, if you laugh during a pectal exam, then you ARE MOST DEFINITELY A FREAK AND NEED TO SEEK COUNSELING.
new date ideas that i should try out some time
1. Watch movies. But ones I like.
America's Funniest Home Videos, MST3K
Videos like that.
2. Talk about religion and politics.
Get an unbiased third party to moderate.
3. This one might be fun and involves a bed and pajamas!
Each of you get a book that you want to read. If you wear contacts, take them out and put on glasses. Also, brush your teeth and take off any and all make-up (applies to the fellow too). Then sit under the covers side-by-side but not touching. Then read your book silently without talking to the other person. This type of date is more for people who think they can take it to the next level.
4. Journal switch.
Get a spiral notebook. Person A writes a themed story. The next time Person A meets their date, Person B, they give the notebook to Person B. Person B writes a themed story related to Person A's story. THEN THIS IS WHERE IT GETS CRAZY. Person B writes a new themed story. And then they give the notebook back to Person A. And the cycle repeats.
Best Case Scenario: Words are said when you switch the journal, like "Here, now your turn." Also, the journal cover is decorated with Sharpie and sequins and/or glitter.
The stories can range from stories like "What I Did Over The Summer" or "Top 10 Reasons Angelina Aint Got Nuthin' On Me" or "Chick Flicks Make Me Feel Good Inside Because ... "
Dating like this is optimal for people who stutter and their heart races when in the presence of the opposite sex. Also good for gossipy teens.
5. Snobbalicious.
This date specifically should be held at The MoMA (If you dont know what that is, I scoff). However, if that cannot be arranged, then The High or your local attempt at an art museum might suffice.
What you do: Go to the museum with your date. See paint splatter and scoff. Find out it is a Jackson Pollock and say, "Oh, dahling this must have been his earlier works." Then your eye should catch some purple piece of deliciously molded clay and you and your date exclaim "GENIUS!" After finding out it is a piece of gum you face each other and do a pursed lip laugh and pretend you were being completely sarcastic. Or you find the child that left that there and offer him $10k for his work of art if he'll only sign the bottom right hand corner of it. For he will surely be famous in a few years.
Then Tango dance in the parking deck.
Good idea, no?
6. Mariah Carey night.
I supply the iPod. You make sure my hair continuously blows as I head roll, hand wave, and lip sync her sweet sweet tunes.
7. Instead of Dinner and a movie try ...
Movie and a dinner.
Or Netflix movie night on Ashley's mattress.
8. Flying object concoction from my trunk.
I have 3 tennis raquets that were strung over 3 years ago. A Frisbee. And thats it. Surely there's a new game in there somewhere.
9. The Silent Date
[you cant hear me talking about this date because it's a silent date. Oh, and also because I'm not talking but typing].
There's nothing like a list that ends at 9.
America's Funniest Home Videos, MST3K
Videos like that.
2. Talk about religion and politics.
Get an unbiased third party to moderate.
3. This one might be fun and involves a bed and pajamas!
Each of you get a book that you want to read. If you wear contacts, take them out and put on glasses. Also, brush your teeth and take off any and all make-up (applies to the fellow too). Then sit under the covers side-by-side but not touching. Then read your book silently without talking to the other person. This type of date is more for people who think they can take it to the next level.
4. Journal switch.
Get a spiral notebook. Person A writes a themed story. The next time Person A meets their date, Person B, they give the notebook to Person B. Person B writes a themed story related to Person A's story. THEN THIS IS WHERE IT GETS CRAZY. Person B writes a new themed story. And then they give the notebook back to Person A. And the cycle repeats.
Best Case Scenario: Words are said when you switch the journal, like "Here, now your turn." Also, the journal cover is decorated with Sharpie and sequins and/or glitter.
The stories can range from stories like "What I Did Over The Summer" or "Top 10 Reasons Angelina Aint Got Nuthin' On Me" or "Chick Flicks Make Me Feel Good Inside Because ... "
Dating like this is optimal for people who stutter and their heart races when in the presence of the opposite sex. Also good for gossipy teens.
5. Snobbalicious.
This date specifically should be held at The MoMA (If you dont know what that is, I scoff). However, if that cannot be arranged, then The High or your local attempt at an art museum might suffice.
What you do: Go to the museum with your date. See paint splatter and scoff. Find out it is a Jackson Pollock and say, "Oh, dahling this must have been his earlier works." Then your eye should catch some purple piece of deliciously molded clay and you and your date exclaim "GENIUS!" After finding out it is a piece of gum you face each other and do a pursed lip laugh and pretend you were being completely sarcastic. Or you find the child that left that there and offer him $10k for his work of art if he'll only sign the bottom right hand corner of it. For he will surely be famous in a few years.
Then Tango dance in the parking deck.
Good idea, no?
6. Mariah Carey night.
I supply the iPod. You make sure my hair continuously blows as I head roll, hand wave, and lip sync her sweet sweet tunes.
7. Instead of Dinner and a movie try ...
Movie and a dinner.
Or Netflix movie night on Ashley's mattress.
8. Flying object concoction from my trunk.
I have 3 tennis raquets that were strung over 3 years ago. A Frisbee. And thats it. Surely there's a new game in there somewhere.
9. The Silent Date
[you cant hear me talking about this date because it's a silent date. Oh, and also because I'm not talking but typing].
There's nothing like a list that ends at 9.
UPDATE: rant
So, the right half of my mentadent toothpaste decided to make an appearance last night.
Its official. My teeth are now receiving two active ingredients instead of just one.
Its official. My teeth are now receiving two active ingredients instead of just one.
May 19, 2008
The year is 1943. What employees should look for when hiring women.
Eleven Tips on Getting More Efficiency Out of Women Employees: There's no longer any question whether transit companies should hire women for jobs formerly held by men. The draft and manpower shortage has settled that point. The important things now are to select the most efficient women available and how to use them to the best advantage.
Here are eleven helpful tips on the subject from Western Properties:
1. Pick young married women. They usually have more of a sense of responsibility than their unmarried sisters, they're less likely to be flirtatious, they need the work or they wouldn't be doing it, they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.
2. When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Older women who have never contacted the public have a hard time adapting themselves and are inclines to be cantankerous and fussy. It's always well to impress upon older women the importance of friendliness and courtesy.
3. General experience indicates that "husky" girls - those who are just a little on the heavy side - are more even tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.
4. Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination - one covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit, but reveals whether the employee-to-be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job.
5. Stress at the outset the importance of time the fact that a minute or two lost here and there makes serious inroads on schedules. Until this point is gotten across, service is likely to be slowed up.
6. Give the female employee a definite day-long schedule of duties so that they'll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them, but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves.
7. Whenever possible, let the inside employee change from one job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined to be less nervous and happier with change.
8. Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. You have to make some allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.
9. Be tactful when issuing instructions or in making criticisms. Women are often sensitive; they can't shrug off harsh words the way men do. Never ridicule a woman - it breaks her spirit and cuts off her efficiency.
10. Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around women. Even though a girl's husband or father may swear vociferously, she'll grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this.
11. Get enough size variety in operator's uniforms so that each girl can have a proper fit. This point can't be stressed too much in keeping women happy.
Here are eleven helpful tips on the subject from Western Properties:
1. Pick young married women. They usually have more of a sense of responsibility than their unmarried sisters, they're less likely to be flirtatious, they need the work or they wouldn't be doing it, they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.
2. When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Older women who have never contacted the public have a hard time adapting themselves and are inclines to be cantankerous and fussy. It's always well to impress upon older women the importance of friendliness and courtesy.
3. General experience indicates that "husky" girls - those who are just a little on the heavy side - are more even tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.
4. Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination - one covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit, but reveals whether the employee-to-be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job.
5. Stress at the outset the importance of time the fact that a minute or two lost here and there makes serious inroads on schedules. Until this point is gotten across, service is likely to be slowed up.
6. Give the female employee a definite day-long schedule of duties so that they'll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them, but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves.
7. Whenever possible, let the inside employee change from one job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined to be less nervous and happier with change.
8. Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. You have to make some allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.
9. Be tactful when issuing instructions or in making criticisms. Women are often sensitive; they can't shrug off harsh words the way men do. Never ridicule a woman - it breaks her spirit and cuts off her efficiency.
10. Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around women. Even though a girl's husband or father may swear vociferously, she'll grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this.
11. Get enough size variety in operator's uniforms so that each girl can have a proper fit. This point can't be stressed too much in keeping women happy.
our song
So, about this guy.
I need a song to define our relationship. I know that there is no romantic relationship, but every person you come in contact with ... you have somewhat of a relationship with them, right? Right.
I want it to be Alicia Key's "You Dont Know My Name."
But he does know my name. So that particular song is out of the question.
(Can I just say I was surprised that he knew my name and almost had an aneurysm when he said it out loud).
Okay focus. Back to "our" song.
Nothing Nothing Nothing.
... coming to mind.
I wish Alicia had a song that said, "You Dont Know My Name. Just Kidding. Yes, You Do."
Would make this process a lot easier.
I need a song to define our relationship. I know that there is no romantic relationship, but every person you come in contact with ... you have somewhat of a relationship with them, right? Right.
I want it to be Alicia Key's "You Dont Know My Name."
But he does know my name. So that particular song is out of the question.
(Can I just say I was surprised that he knew my name and almost had an aneurysm when he said it out loud).
Okay focus. Back to "our" song.
Nothing Nothing Nothing.
... coming to mind.
I wish Alicia had a song that said, "You Dont Know My Name. Just Kidding. Yes, You Do."
Would make this process a lot easier.
vent and rave
VENT: Okay so I am really annoyed with my Mentadent toothpaste. It's been 3 teeth brushings and, still, only the left side is coming out. How far do I have to press it to get the right hand toothpaste coming out?
current mood: frustrated
RAVE: Well, since only 5 profile views of my blog arent me then I think its safe to post that I am in love, L. O. V. E., with this guy I dont talk to! It's MEANT TO BE GOSHDARNITT. I look at his facebook profile like 10 times a day. It's seriously a reflex now. I want him to love me WHY WONT YOU LOVE ME EVEN THOUGH I NEVER TALK TO YOU?
/it's totally lust. or longing. longing is a better word. i'm so over lusting. thats something you do in a harlequinn romance. i'm classy. i long.
current mood: frustrated
RAVE: Well, since only 5 profile views of my blog arent me then I think its safe to post that I am in love, L. O. V. E., with this guy I dont talk to! It's MEANT TO BE GOSHDARNITT. I look at his facebook profile like 10 times a day. It's seriously a reflex now. I want him to love me WHY WONT YOU LOVE ME EVEN THOUGH I NEVER TALK TO YOU?
/it's totally lust. or longing. longing is a better word. i'm so over lusting. thats something you do in a harlequinn romance. i'm classy. i long.
my bike commute this morning.
Bike commuting isnt as suck as I thought it would be.
But I'm pretty slow though.
6.8 miles in 53:39 minutes average heart rate of 150 bpm.
Here are the possible reasons it took me so long.
A. Im in bad shape right now.
B. There was a train. I got stuck at a train!
C. I had to play chicken and cross Cobb Parkway without dying.
D. I had to stop to pull out my googlemaps printout because I dont know how to get to work with my new bike route.
E. Two words: Kennesaw Avenue. Going to work, that thing is a mile long gentle uphill.
But I'm pretty slow though.
6.8 miles in 53:39 minutes average heart rate of 150 bpm.
Here are the possible reasons it took me so long.
A. Im in bad shape right now.
B. There was a train. I got stuck at a train!
C. I had to play chicken and cross Cobb Parkway without dying.
D. I had to stop to pull out my googlemaps printout because I dont know how to get to work with my new bike route.
E. Two words: Kennesaw Avenue. Going to work, that thing is a mile long gentle uphill.
books and social networking!
Here's my librarything profile.
http://www.librarything.com/catalog/nikirtehsuxlol
Now the one person, Dustin? Im guessing, that reads my blog can KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT ME!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA -eh.
My goal is to get more views than blog posts. Right now Im at 65 blog posts and 70 profile views. But I view my blog after I write them and I think my profile views of my blog count too. So
70 profile views - my 65 views of my 65 blog posts = 5 profile views that arent me.
Hmm thats actually kind of depressing.
I think I caught my mom reading my diary more than that.
http://www.librarything.com/catalog/nikirtehsuxlol
Now the one person, Dustin? Im guessing, that reads my blog can KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT ME!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA -eh.
My goal is to get more views than blog posts. Right now Im at 65 blog posts and 70 profile views. But I view my blog after I write them and I think my profile views of my blog count too. So
70 profile views - my 65 views of my 65 blog posts = 5 profile views that arent me.
Hmm thats actually kind of depressing.
I think I caught my mom reading my diary more than that.
May 18, 2008
more randomness
SarahBeth's cat Cleo is SO cute.
I saw a bowl of really A quality candy (like none of that stuff grandma's buy for Halloween) sitting in the foyer of church and I thought they were for people to take like those things of lip gloss a few months back. So Flavio was like "eat one!" bc he likes to vicariously eat things through me I guess. And I did. And then the guy who teaches Sunday School strolled up and grabbed his teaching materials by the chocolate and sits on the other side of the foyer. But he left the candy bowl there so it took me awhile to realize that - hey niki, it wasnt for you to munch on. And I felt dumb. But this other girl came by and I offered her some of the chocolate too. It's called "peer pressure" which leads to "accomplice" and if you ever do something bad, I highly recommend it because getting in trouble is so much more fun in pairs.
Monica and Ashley and I had a Mariah Carey lip sync thing at Monica's house. Cool.
We also played Apples to Apples and I lost. Both times.
I bought some Diet Flavored Cherry Chocolate Fudge soda drinks from Kroger. The fact that they were $1.50 for a pack should have told me they wouldnt taste good.
My birthday is on Monday. On one hand, Im a little bummed that Im closer to 30 years old. But on the other hand, Im happy that we're going White Water Rafting.
Im a weak belcher. I have no burping game at all.
I saw a bowl of really A quality candy (like none of that stuff grandma's buy for Halloween) sitting in the foyer of church and I thought they were for people to take like those things of lip gloss a few months back. So Flavio was like "eat one!" bc he likes to vicariously eat things through me I guess. And I did. And then the guy who teaches Sunday School strolled up and grabbed his teaching materials by the chocolate and sits on the other side of the foyer. But he left the candy bowl there so it took me awhile to realize that - hey niki, it wasnt for you to munch on. And I felt dumb. But this other girl came by and I offered her some of the chocolate too. It's called "peer pressure" which leads to "accomplice" and if you ever do something bad, I highly recommend it because getting in trouble is so much more fun in pairs.
Monica and Ashley and I had a Mariah Carey lip sync thing at Monica's house. Cool.
We also played Apples to Apples and I lost. Both times.
I bought some Diet Flavored Cherry Chocolate Fudge soda drinks from Kroger. The fact that they were $1.50 for a pack should have told me they wouldnt taste good.
My birthday is on Monday. On one hand, Im a little bummed that Im closer to 30 years old. But on the other hand, Im happy that we're going White Water Rafting.
Im a weak belcher. I have no burping game at all.
"LOL?"
Okay so during Sunday School, I opened up to the chapter we were told to go to. And I sometimes I write stuff in the side margins of my scriptures (y'know to fit in and to pretend like I read them if other people share). And I had underlined (I dont have them with me so dont strike me down for this horrible retelling) a part of the scripture that said - hey this dude is so worthless, a shirt in a furnace (ie, not a shirt) would be worth more than him. And in the margin I had wrote "LOL?"
And of course Flavio saw it and started laughing.
Because who writes internet acronyms in their scriptures?
And of course Flavio saw it and started laughing.
Because who writes internet acronyms in their scriptures?
Welcome to the bat cave!
My friend took a pic of me and my arm looks like its almost growing a wing underneath! I am at the highest weight I've been at in a long time. Its a major amount of suck. But I know I can lose it pretty easily. I dont know HOW I could be eating worse right now. But I am going to bike commute to work. And Im broke so there's no way in hell that I can eat fast food every single morning the next few weeks. Okay my parents might give me a hundred dollars and, in that case, yes there is a way in hell that I can eat fast food every single morning for the next few weeks. But the nasty food is kind of tiring on my body. So I will TRYYYYY to stop. And when I say "try" that means that I wont stop. No wait. I will stop. Yes. Oka
Here's the pic in question.
TO THE CAVE BATMAN!
(Im reading Mortified. Its hecka funny. I showed Flavio the book during sacrament. And he started reading it and laughing. Oh so sinful. But oh so funny. Its a good book. Even the somber reverence of hearing some girl talk about her mission couldnt unfunny the funny in this book. This one girl had a crush on Duran Duran and wrote a fantasy story about how she got to intercourse with two of the band members ... and to meet them, she basically has her parents die in a tragic car accident and then sees Duran Duran in the hospital too bc one of them had a head injury and she says something to the effect of how one chapter of her life was sadly ending but then this awesomeoness of love with the members of Duran Duran was dawning on her. Wow, that run on sentence and horrible re-telling totally made that story unawesome.)
Here's the pic in question.
TO THE CAVE BATMAN!
(Im reading Mortified. Its hecka funny. I showed Flavio the book during sacrament. And he started reading it and laughing. Oh so sinful. But oh so funny. Its a good book. Even the somber reverence of hearing some girl talk about her mission couldnt unfunny the funny in this book. This one girl had a crush on Duran Duran and wrote a fantasy story about how she got to intercourse with two of the band members ... and to meet them, she basically has her parents die in a tragic car accident and then sees Duran Duran in the hospital too bc one of them had a head injury and she says something to the effect of how one chapter of her life was sadly ending but then this awesomeoness of love with the members of Duran Duran was dawning on her. Wow, that run on sentence and horrible re-telling totally made that story unawesome.)
that bug was on the ______ of my window.
i was at a red light and this black gnat looking thing was right outside my window bumping back and forth against the glass.
so i naturally poked at it to see if it was really on the inside of my window.
and nothing happened.
so i poked at it again just to make sure.
and i found out that, indeed, the bug was on the inside of my window.
and now about 15% of it was on my finger.
my windows are used to it. the back windows have dog slobber on the inside.
and the passenger window has banana on the inside (i tried to toss a banana peel out the window but my window was up and the banana peel wasnt strong enough to break the glass and land biodegradeably on the side of the road).
thats my lame story of the day.
thanks.
so i naturally poked at it to see if it was really on the inside of my window.
and nothing happened.
so i poked at it again just to make sure.
and i found out that, indeed, the bug was on the inside of my window.
and now about 15% of it was on my finger.
my windows are used to it. the back windows have dog slobber on the inside.
and the passenger window has banana on the inside (i tried to toss a banana peel out the window but my window was up and the banana peel wasnt strong enough to break the glass and land biodegradeably on the side of the road).
thats my lame story of the day.
thanks.
May 16, 2008
May 15, 2008
STUPID WACHOVIA
UGH!
This is the second time this has happened!
I had $7 in my checking account (LOL) and then all of a sudden I see "OVERDRAFT/UNAVAILABLE FUNDS FEE $70.00". And there's NOTHING that has been posted! So now my account is just -$62.65.
WHERE IS THE STUFF THAT PUSHED ME OVER THE EDGE WACHOVIA?? I bet I have to wait like 10 days to find out.
This is the second time this has happened!
I had $7 in my checking account (LOL) and then all of a sudden I see "OVERDRAFT/UNAVAILABLE FUNDS FEE $70.00". And there's NOTHING that has been posted! So now my account is just -$62.65.
WHERE IS THE STUFF THAT PUSHED ME OVER THE EDGE WACHOVIA?? I bet I have to wait like 10 days to find out.
sobering thought
Making a host unwell has certain benefits for the microbe. The symptoms of an illness often help to spread the disease. Vomiting, sneezing, and diarrhea are excellent methods of getting out of one host and into position for another. The most effective strategy of all is to enlist the help of a mobile third party. Infectious organisms love mosquitoes because the mosquito's sting delivers them directly to a bloodstream where they can get straight to work before the victim's defense mechanisms can figure out what's hit them. This is why so many grade-A diseases-malaria, yellow fever, dengue fever, encephalitis, and a hundred or so other less celebrated but often rapacious maladies-begin with a mosquito bite. It is a fortunate fluke for us that HIV, the AIDS agent, isn't among them-at least not yet. Any HIV the mosquito sucks up on its travels is dissolved by the mosquito's own metabolism. When the day comes that the virus mutates its way around this, we may be in real trouble.
Bummer.
reasons to ride a bike (to work)
1. High Gas Prices. This one is a gimme. And don't forget, gas prices are expected to double. Gas at $3.70 is getting people closer into the city to stop using their cars for their commute. When it reaches $7 or $8, people farther out will see a bike as an attractive way to cut costs.
2. Exercise. It is unfortunate, but as our lives become more automated -- more time shuffling paper and toggling bits -- we become lazier and more sedentary. Humans aren't designed to sit on their butts all day. They should be out hunting something or working in a field. For those of us who are stuck behind a desk, riding a bike to the desk gives you some exercise every day. The further you live from work, the more exercise you get!
3. Endorphins and a Sense of Accomplishment. Exercise produces endorphins and endorphins make you feel good. I've been riding like a madman the past few days and I've rarely felt better. It doesn't hurt that I'm averaging 35 or so miles a day. Looking back, despite whatever else is going on in my life (and, really, my life ain't that bad), I feel like I've really accomplished something most people don't even try.
4. Discovering Your Neighborhood. It is amazing the things you notice when you slow down. And lets admit it, for most people cycling is going to be slower than driving to work. But it comes with the benefit of finding new and interesting things along the way. Things that you miss completely when you're going 45+mph. Even if it is only the silly sayings on the bumper of a parked car.
5. Sleep. When you start exercising more, you sleep better. More and better sleep is always helpful. If you have insomnia and you aren't biking to work, now is the time to start!
Oh and a random one I found: Without cycling, I’d die consuming the quantities of beer that I do. I also ride for the scenery. And what other opportunity do I have for stuffing 250 pounds into too-small Lycra bib shorts?
2. Exercise. It is unfortunate, but as our lives become more automated -- more time shuffling paper and toggling bits -- we become lazier and more sedentary. Humans aren't designed to sit on their butts all day. They should be out hunting something or working in a field. For those of us who are stuck behind a desk, riding a bike to the desk gives you some exercise every day. The further you live from work, the more exercise you get!
3. Endorphins and a Sense of Accomplishment. Exercise produces endorphins and endorphins make you feel good. I've been riding like a madman the past few days and I've rarely felt better. It doesn't hurt that I'm averaging 35 or so miles a day. Looking back, despite whatever else is going on in my life (and, really, my life ain't that bad), I feel like I've really accomplished something most people don't even try.
4. Discovering Your Neighborhood. It is amazing the things you notice when you slow down. And lets admit it, for most people cycling is going to be slower than driving to work. But it comes with the benefit of finding new and interesting things along the way. Things that you miss completely when you're going 45+mph. Even if it is only the silly sayings on the bumper of a parked car.
5. Sleep. When you start exercising more, you sleep better. More and better sleep is always helpful. If you have insomnia and you aren't biking to work, now is the time to start!
Oh and a random one I found: Without cycling, I’d die consuming the quantities of beer that I do. I also ride for the scenery. And what other opportunity do I have for stuffing 250 pounds into too-small Lycra bib shorts?
May 14, 2008
lucious apparatus
idk wtf this is but I read it and lol'd insert other acronyms.
Carla was on her break from the graveyard shift at the mayonnaise factory. She sat at a teetering picnic table. There was a toxic orange moon and it was slightly cold. Carla took out her knife and began etching random words into the table’s surface.
Then, she thought of her co-worker, Jack. Carla liked to think of Jack as a luscious apparatus. He was meaty but graceful. His flesh seemed folded onto his body, like a suit made of meat. Carla started to think of Jack as a luscious apparatus in a meat suit.
Thinking this gave Carla a dreamy smile. Her mouth was small to begin with, but dreaming made it even smaller. That’s just how some people are. Their mouths get smaller with dreams.
Carla’s small mouth was dreaming as her knife began carving a poem into the table.
I like hot voids, smooth pants, lazy beds in the rain.
I like tongue petals, lather, a blistering sun.
But what I like best is the worship of a luscious apparatus.
When Carla was done carving she went back to her work station and scooped shiny white goop into jars. That’s just how some people are. Their mouths get smaller with dreaming.
The next day Jack took his own 1am lunch break at the same picnic table. He noticed the poem carved into the wood. Although he didn’t know who had written it, he coincidentally thought ’Luscious Apparatus’ aptly described him. So he took out his own knife and wrote ’Luscious apparatus was here.’
After a few days both Jack and Carla happened to sit at the picnic table at the same time. They both started to look at the things carved in the table. Then they looked at each other. They knew who each other was. Carla’s mouth got small and dreamy. Jack’s eyes got round and hot. When they got done with the graveyard shift, they went back to Jack’s apartment and had sex.
Wordless sex, slow sex, fast sex, talking sex, sex like animals have, sex like boys have, sex like girls have, sex upside down, sex inside out, sex with grins, sex with tears, sex, sex, sex...
Then she noticed the knife by the side of Jack’s bed. Jack picked the knife up and Carla knew at once that Jack’s wounds were from carving himself. Jack was trying to carve poems into himself and now he wanted to carve some in her. This was where she drew the line. She’d have any kind of sex but not with a knife. When Carla refused to let Jack carve her up, Jack felt cheated and misled. He felt that by carving a poem in the table, Carla had been begging to be carved upon. Carla didn’t see it that way at all. She got up and started putting on her clothes. Jack went nuts. He was coming at her with a knife. Carla was scared. Carla was shaking and sweating. Then, because she was small and could move fast she ducked and Jack tripped and fell and impaled himself in the arm with his own knife. He howled and howled and Carla got the hell out of there fast.
Carla didn’t think of Jack as a luscious apparatus after that.
From a bike blog.
I play this little game while riding to and from work where I memorize the license plate of a passing car. When the next car drives by I memorize that one, and so on and so on. If there is an altercation, I've trained myself to look at the license plates first. So rather than use my middle finger to tell somebody how I feel, I can find out where they live based on that license plate and send them a letter of gratitude.
Flashback 10 weeks to Valentines Day in February. I'm riding within the law and hugging the curb as much as I safely can, doing about 20mph down the street, when a car lays on their horn for a good 10 seconds. They pass me, I memorize the license plate, approach them at the red light one block down, and stare into her window. No words said, no middle finger needed, I had her plates.
I "obtain" her name and home address (don't ask how) and write her the following letter:
"Dear Nancy,
Thanks for the extended horn honk this morning. It reminded me that today is Valentines Day and my wife just loves red tulips, the same red as your Cadillac. So thanks for the horn honk. Happy Valentines Day.
- Cyclist on 66th St."
I also enclose a fake traffic ticket and a copy of the Minnesota Department of Transportation rules of the road. No threats, other than she knows I know where she lives.
Fast forward to last Wednesday. I'm riding to work as usual, signaling my turns, flowing with traffic and abiding by the law when a car honks. I see the familiar license plate and verify the same red Cadillac with an older blonde woman driving. I wish you all could've seen her face when she pulled along side me at the red light and I said "Hi Nancy". All she could do was grip her steering wheel, look straight ahead, and figure out how she was going to get the poop off her panty hose once she got to work.
Score one for the cyclist.
Flashback 10 weeks to Valentines Day in February. I'm riding within the law and hugging the curb as much as I safely can, doing about 20mph down the street, when a car lays on their horn for a good 10 seconds. They pass me, I memorize the license plate, approach them at the red light one block down, and stare into her window. No words said, no middle finger needed, I had her plates.
I "obtain" her name and home address (don't ask how) and write her the following letter:
"Dear Nancy,
Thanks for the extended horn honk this morning. It reminded me that today is Valentines Day and my wife just loves red tulips, the same red as your Cadillac. So thanks for the horn honk. Happy Valentines Day.
- Cyclist on 66th St."
I also enclose a fake traffic ticket and a copy of the Minnesota Department of Transportation rules of the road. No threats, other than she knows I know where she lives.
Fast forward to last Wednesday. I'm riding to work as usual, signaling my turns, flowing with traffic and abiding by the law when a car honks. I see the familiar license plate and verify the same red Cadillac with an older blonde woman driving. I wish you all could've seen her face when she pulled along side me at the red light and I said "Hi Nancy". All she could do was grip her steering wheel, look straight ahead, and figure out how she was going to get the poop off her panty hose once she got to work.
Score one for the cyclist.
May 9, 2008
The importance of buying local and buying fruits in season
I was linked to a BBC article entitled "[Gordon] Ramsay orders seasonal-only menu".
BTW, I love Hell's Kitchen.
Anyways. So I am just going to blabber on and on about the evils of agrobusiness. Maybe "evil" implies intention ... I dont mean it too. Im sure when agrobusiness started it was like "HEY YAY foods for the masses!" But it has just turned into lobbyists and corporations. There is little to no benefit anymore for a true farmer through agrobusiness.
Here are my 3 posts I made in a fark.com forum. That no one read or listened too. They are more interested in, like, Gordon Ramsay cussing people out and stuff.
Post 1
(oh and by agrobusiness, I mainly mean Monsanto)
Farkers never stfu about how bad the oil companies are. I thought the last sentence would kind of start connecting ... but alas, it did not.
Someone made a comment: If all restaurants used only locally grown in season fruits and vegetables, they'd have very little variety. Every restaurant would have very similar menus. It would be....well, boring...the essence of British cooking.
Which brought me to my 3rd post.
I mean, Im not trying to change the world or anything. I just find its really annoying that people just bitch bitch bitch about gas prices and then still buy SUVs. bitch about their weight .... and still eat trans fats and processed foods and eat unhealthily (like Im doing RIGHTTHISMINUTE!).
But its the human/hypocrite way. We do it in church. We do it at work. We do it with our friends. We do it with family. We do it with politics. We expect others to live up to standards that we arent prepared ourselves to live up to.
Oh. And in the Word of Wisdom, it clearly states to eat fruits in the season, thereof. Yet another reason why I believe the Book of Mormon/Doctrine and Covenants is an inspired document!!
D&C 89:10-11
10 And again, verily I say unto you, all wholesome herbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature, and use of man—
11 Every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof; all these to be used with prudence and thanksgiving.
Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay says British restaurants should be fined if they serve fruit and vegetables which are not in season.
He told the BBC that fruit and vegetables should be locally-sourced and only on menus when in season.
Mr Ramsay said he had already spoken to Prime Minister Gordon Brown about outlawing out-of-season produce.
He says it would cut carbon emissions as less food would be imported and also lead to improved standards of cooking.
'Out of control'
The TV chef said it was "fundamentally important" for chefs to provide locally-sourced food.
"Fruit and veg should be seasonal," he said. "Chefs should be fined if they haven't got ingredients in season on their menu.
"I don't want to see asparagus on in the middle of December. I don't want to see strawberries from Kenya in the middle of March. I want to see it home grown."
Ramsay, whose London restaurants include Petrus, The Savoy Grill and Maze, added that Britain had become a nation of lazy eaters, following trends and fads, rather than substance.
He also said chefs became "lazy" when excited by "frills", and making out-of-season produce illegal would raise "levels of inspiration".
"There should be stringent laws, licensing laws, to make sure produce is only used in season and season only," he said.
"If we don't restrict our movements within this industry of seasonal-produce only, then the whole thing will spiral out of control."
Canned insult
Meanwhile, Terry Jones from the National Farmers Union (NFU) said that, while he agrees with the chef's complaint, legislation would be going too far.
He said: "We've almost got too much legislation in food and farming as things stand.
"Really what we need to see is that passion and that commitment to seasonality being pushed into consumer education and into this commitment on menu transparency."
And the Soil Association's Food for Life Partnership director Emma Noble said the celebrity chef was right to suggest that "seasonal menus are a key step in cutting the environmental impact of our food".
Famous for his bad temper, Ramsay also spoke passionately about another environmental concern - plastic bags - saying they simply "did not make sense".
Speaking to the BBC before the start of the fourth series of his Channel 4 show The F Word, the father-of-four said he plans to get the nation back into the kitchen, cooking healthy, wholesome fare.
He says the obesity problem in the UK could soon rival that of the States, and he blames parents for giving into children and not having the discipline to say no.
He also vented his anger at fellow TV chef Delia Smith, whose latest book, How to Cheat at Cooking, encourages people to mix together ready-made food rather than cook from scratch if they are short of time or on a tight budget.
He said: "I would expect students struggling on £15 a week to survive eating from a can but the nation's favourite, all-time icon reducing us down to using frozen, canned food. It's an insult.
"And it makes our lives, from a chef's point of view, a lot harder. Here we are trying to establish a reputation across the world for this country's food and along comes Delia and tips it out of a can. That hurts."
BTW, I love Hell's Kitchen.
Anyways. So I am just going to blabber on and on about the evils of agrobusiness. Maybe "evil" implies intention ... I dont mean it too. Im sure when agrobusiness started it was like "HEY YAY foods for the masses!" But it has just turned into lobbyists and corporations. There is little to no benefit anymore for a true farmer through agrobusiness.
Here are my 3 posts I made in a fark.com forum. That no one read or listened too. They are more interested in, like, Gordon Ramsay cussing people out and stuff.
Post 1
Buying fruits in season and from local growers is an excellent idea. Creating a demand from local farmers (who are more likely to grow organic ... ie, NON GM foods) and taking it away from agrobusiness does wonders for our food safety and security.
Agrobusiness' plants are grown in fewer and fewer locations. Which means it has farther and farther to travel (for all you global warming people).
PLUS agrofarmers have little to no genetic diversity within their fields. Imagine a strain of plant disease or pest eats that one particular type of plant that the agrofarmers are growing ... what then? You are kinda screwed foodwise.
You think high cost gas is a problem? Wait until bad farming practices end up with food shortages.
Buy local. Buy fruits in season for your area.
(oh and by agrobusiness, I mainly mean Monsanto)
Agrobusiness and GM plants are BAD and NOT SMART for the longevity and safety of our food supply. And, for you global warming freaks, its horrible for the environment.
Buying local and eating fruits in season will help curb the power and monopoly agrobusiness has on our food supply.
Do you want ONE company to own all the world's seed supply?
Terminator seeds
You buy seeds from a store and try to harvest the seeds and re-plant them. More than likely YOU CANT. Because they have been genetically modified so the seeds are sterile. Imagine if every human in the world was sterile. How many people would be alive after 200 years? The answer is ONE. Jesus. [Okay that was funny. I dont know why I didnt get any props for that .... :( ]
But Niki, only a portion of the seeds being planted are terminator seeds though. What about cross pollination? It has happened before with genetically modified technology. . . . Only a matter of time and wind. . . .
Government and Agrobusiness
Dont think agrobusiness doesnt have lobbyists all up in everyone in Congress's business.
The government subsidizes CROPS and not the FARMERS (which is beneficial to agrobusiness not the poor poor farmer).
So say you are a farmer.
You buy seed from a company.
Spray it with the Ready Round Up (pesticide) the same company sells.
The plant doesnt die because its been genetically modified to not die with the poison on it.
The meat you eat eats it. You eat it. We all eat it.
You farmed it but the government subsidizes the crop and not you ... so the big company (that you bought the seed AND the pesticide from) gets a cut of that subsidy too ... leaving you, the farmer, to pick up a part time job to feed your family.
Patented technology and agrobusiness
I would say that agrobusiness is predatory. On a scale of "evilness" I would say they are worse than the oil companies.
If you, the farmer, dont go through agrobusiness to farm food, and you grow corn and your field happens to become cross pollinated with the big company's patented plant (bc a bird crapped in your field), then you get sued by said big company for patent infringment.
This is after you've been sent letters and letters by big company asking to hand over a sample of your crop so they can test it to see if your crop has been cross pollinated by their patented technology ... i mean, seeds.
You might win in court, but you'll be bankrupt before you find out.
Like the "horrible horrible" gas companies, agrobusiness is doing the same thing. Monsanto is laughing all the way to the bank.
Farkers never stfu about how bad the oil companies are. I thought the last sentence would kind of start connecting ... but alas, it did not.
Someone made a comment: If all restaurants used only locally grown in season fruits and vegetables, they'd have very little variety. Every restaurant would have very similar menus. It would be....well, boring...the essence of British cooking.
Which brought me to my 3rd post.
Maybe in your little one person world.
But agrobusiness actually DISCOURAGES genetic diversity.
Buying local and fruits in season encourages different genetic strains of potatoes, tomatoes, whatnot.
From Community Alliance with Family Farmers
http://www.caff.org/programs/buylocal.shtml
In the modern industrial agriculture system, produce varieties are chosen for their ability to ripen simultaneously and withstand harvesting equipment. Shippers demand produce with a tough skin that can survive packing, transport, and a long shelf life in the store. Only a handful of hybrid varieties of each fruit and vegetable meet those rigorous demands, so there is little genetic diversity in the plants grown. In contrast, local farmers that sell direct to you or direct to your local restaurants and grocery stores grow a huge number of varieties selected because they have the best flavors, provide a long harvest season, and come in an array of eyecatching colors. Many varieties are heirlooms, passed down from generation to generation because they taste good. These old varieties contain genetic material from hundreds or even thousands of years of human selection. They may someday provide the genes needed to adapt to a changing climate.
I could go on and on about sustainable agriculture.
I read Harvest for Hope by Jane Goodall and am an extensive googler.
I mean, Im not trying to change the world or anything. I just find its really annoying that people just bitch bitch bitch about gas prices and then still buy SUVs. bitch about their weight .... and still eat trans fats and processed foods and eat unhealthily (like Im doing RIGHTTHISMINUTE!).
But its the human/hypocrite way. We do it in church. We do it at work. We do it with our friends. We do it with family. We do it with politics. We expect others to live up to standards that we arent prepared ourselves to live up to.
Oh. And in the Word of Wisdom, it clearly states to eat fruits in the season, thereof. Yet another reason why I believe the Book of Mormon/Doctrine and Covenants is an inspired document!!
D&C 89:10-11
10 And again, verily I say unto you, all wholesome herbs God hath ordained for the constitution, nature, and use of man—
11 Every herb in the season thereof, and every fruit in the season thereof; all these to be used with prudence and thanksgiving.
American manufactured bicycle companies
I found really conflicting stuff from blogs and really sketchy sites.
The ones with the strongest Made in USA ties seemed to be:
Cannondale
Trek
Scott USA
Specialized.
And even with them, it seemed like most of the frames were made in Asia but assembled in the USA. Scott USA is now headquartered in freakin Switzerland! They used to have strong USA ties ... but I think its no more.
Will have to do more investigating.
The ones with the strongest Made in USA ties seemed to be:
Cannondale
Trek
Scott USA
Specialized.
And even with them, it seemed like most of the frames were made in Asia but assembled in the USA. Scott USA is now headquartered in freakin Switzerland! They used to have strong USA ties ... but I think its no more.
Will have to do more investigating.
May 7, 2008
Ixnay on the Novara Fusion
So I went to REI and I totally am not going to buy the Novara Fusion. It WAS awesome with all the accessories it came with. But it is just too mechanical for me. Say I got a flat tire ... I'd have to unscrew a lot of things and know what to not touch and try to replace the tube inside the tire without breaking cables and with the tire not detaching from the bike. It seems like a total hassle. The REI person was like ... these are actually one of the bikes we dont want to put together because they are such a pain.
The Corsa sits better AND you dont even need any tools to take off the back wheel.
One thing I DONT like about Novara as a whole ... the frames are made in China. They are American designed though. The REI person said that only 5 bicycle brands were actually made in the USA. Cannondale (REI carries this brand) was one of them. I didnt ask for the other 4. I'll furiously google these other four companies tomorrow.
HOLD YOUR BREATH!
The Corsa sits better AND you dont even need any tools to take off the back wheel.
One thing I DONT like about Novara as a whole ... the frames are made in China. They are American designed though. The REI person said that only 5 bicycle brands were actually made in the USA. Cannondale (REI carries this brand) was one of them. I didnt ask for the other 4. I'll furiously google these other four companies tomorrow.
HOLD YOUR BREATH!
Commuting to work via bike might be harder than I originally thought
Okay apparently you arent supposed to commute on major highway thoroughfares. So I'm guessing Cobb Parkway is out of the question. But the route they suggest me taking is crossing huge intersections and taking a lot of turns. Do they know how easily I get lost??! I have to take 25 turns and the way I was planning on going only had me turning like 5 times! Thats a kabillion more turns! 5 times more!! 500 % more turns!
The following website was extremely helpful though.
http://commutebybike.com/
This was the site I went to to plan my trip.
http://www.atltransit.com/
ANd Im totally not giving up on commuting to work! I am planning on spending that rebate check on a 600 dollar bike. I think Im going to get the Fusion Novara REI brand.
http://www.rei.com/product/744803
Sweet? Sweet.
It has fenders and headlights and taillights. I think it has a nexus hub. And I have no clue what that means.
Oh, then I'll need a helmet, patch kits, tire levers?, tubes, wrench?, multitool? I mean, I wouldnt even know what to do with all that stuff?
How about just one tool?
A CELLPHONE.
The following website was extremely helpful though.
http://commutebybike.com/
This was the site I went to to plan my trip.
http://www.atltransit.com/
ANd Im totally not giving up on commuting to work! I am planning on spending that rebate check on a 600 dollar bike. I think Im going to get the Fusion Novara REI brand.
http://www.rei.com/product/744803
Sweet? Sweet.
It has fenders and headlights and taillights. I think it has a nexus hub. And I have no clue what that means.
Oh, then I'll need a helmet, patch kits, tire levers?, tubes, wrench?, multitool? I mean, I wouldnt even know what to do with all that stuff?
How about just one tool?
A CELLPHONE.
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